It's Just Me
~ A Greatest American Hero / Buffy: The Vampire Slayer Crossover ~
Summary: Xander is on his way back to Sunnydale after leaving Oxnard when he is given an unexpected gift which could change his life for ever. "Believe it or not . . . it's just me."
Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with the owners or creators of either series. This story was written for my own amusement and hopefully the enjoyment of others.
Lyrics that are used as dividers are from: “Believe it or Not” by Mike Post and Stephen Geyer~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
It's like a light of a new day-, It came from out of the blue.
Breaking me out of the spell I was in, Making all of my wishes come true-.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
"Home, I can't believe that I am actually looking forward to getting back to Sunnydale," Xander sighed as he watched the road. A moment later his lips curled up at the edges, "course, I do miss my girls."
He blared the radio and continued driving for a while. It was pre-dawn and the road was empty and dark. He had left directly from the surprise going away party the ladies at the club had thrown him. “Oh boy, that had been fun.” He smiled with delight, “Danielle, Sara, Te, Candy, and the other girls sure knew how to have fun.” The girls had made sure he had a wonderful summer.
Xander was brought out of his musings when he realized that his engine was making a lot of noise that it really shouldn’t make, but sounded much the same as it had when he was entering Oxnard at the beginning of the summer. He managed to make it to the closest exit and pulled over. It was an old park and ride lot that looked like it was rarely used anymore. The place was deserted.
Xander sat cursing his luck, trying to decide what to do next, when all of a sudden a bright light began to encompass everything. The radio went silent before he heard a gravel-like voice filled the speakers.
"Mr. Harris, we have an offer to make you."
"Who me?" Xander stared at the radio as if it was the one speaking.
"Yes, you Mr. Harris. We have picked you to fight evil and save your planet. You have been chosen because you match our profile of someone having the qualities of 'moral character, idealism and integrity,’” the voice said with little emotion.
"Chosen? Me? You've gotta be mistaken. Cause we've already got a chosen one or two. Well actually she is in a coma now so its back to just having one chosen one; although, we could have two again at any minute and of course . . . " He babbled for a moment doing an impressive Willow impersonation before stopping when he saw a white light flash next to him on the passenger seat. He blinked and saw that there was a box there.
"With our compliments Mr. Harris. We believe you will put our gift to good use," there was a slight pause, "we will be back to check on you."
Before he even had a chance to reply the light withdrew and the sky was dark once again.
He sat there gaping. Had little green men visited him just? Or, little grey men with big heads and black eyes like Roswell? Him? Xander, the Zeppo, had a close encounter?
Xander looked at the box critically, deciding that he had only his life to loose, opened the box. Inside was a pair of long red long johns? He pulled the suit out of the box and realized on closer examination that it was more like red pajamas with a black cape and footies?
He noticed an insignia on the chest. It looked like a big red stake with a square behind it on a white circular background. Actually, it also kind of looked like the symbol of the Red Dragons. He remembered because before Buffy he had really been into skateboarding.
He looked under the suit and found a book label ‘Instructions’
. "Instructions for a suit?" He wondered aloud, "it can't be that hard to put on, that it needs this thick book."
He glanced through the book not really paying attention until he saw the headline ‘How to Fly’
that surely caught his attention. This was some sort of magic or technologically advanced suit and they gave it to him? Him?
"I have so got to check this puppy out." He quickly stripped and put on the suit, remembering to stick a stake in his belt as well as some holy water just in case. It fit surprisingly well. He looked at the directions and stopped when he read: "Insert Part B through Part H while lifting LF and RF."
He decided to be a man and do what men have done since they invented instruction books, ignore it and try to do it on his own.
He stood outside of the car, looked up at the sky and attempted to will himself to fly. He stood there with a look of concentration that few people had ever seen on his face as he took every ounce of being and willed himself to fly
He opened is eyes and looked around as he realized that nothing happened
Okay, so he would try something else. He flashed to a memory of the television show "Lois & Clark" where Clark had lost his memory and Martha was trying to teach him to fly. He remembered that Martha made a pose with her one hand outstretched and her other arm bent to her side.
It was worth a try. Xander assumed the position trying to look majestic and heroic like Superman. "It's a bird; no it’s a plane; no it's S--u--p--e--r----Xan."
Well, Martha had also pushed Clark of his balcony. Not ready to go that far yet, but still giving the idea merit. Xander climbed on top of his car and jumped off.
This time something happened. He fell face first into the dirt, which oddly had not hurt, but still did not fly.
He decided to go with the age old proven method of flight, one that had been used since the beginning of time. He stood there and began to flap his arms. He flapped and flapped and flapped. "I just flew in from the planet Melmack and boy are my arms tired. Wacha, Wacha, Wacha."
Still nothing happened.
This time he laid down on the grown and tried to imagine himself flying. He even began to sing to himself, "I can fly, I can fly, I can fly." He could picture himself doing barrel roles over his car.
He opened his eyes and found that he was still on the ground.
He dusted himself off and stood up. What else could he try? He remembered that in "Hook," Tink had said that you only needed to think of one happy thought. He thought about Willow, but remembered the fluke. He went through several thoughts in his mind before he settled on watching Jack leave after the bomb was diffused.
He practically glowed with the memory, but he still wasn't flying.
Xander was not sure what to try next. He was getting desperate. Perhaps he should actually read the instruction guide?
”Well, well what have we here?"
"Looks like a mid-night snack to me."
Xander looked around and realized that there were ten vampires surrounding him. Forgetting about the suit and everything else, he did what every instinct of his upbringing told him to do. He made a run for it.
Several of the vampires were chasing him. He continued to run until he reached a concrete parking barrier. Not thinking twice he jumped to go over it, but was shocked when he realize that he didn't land on the other side.
He was finally flying. ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Believe it or not, I'm walking on air.
I never thought I could feel so free-
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
The vampires saw him and ran away scared, but he did not care. He was flying. He was in awe. He just started flying. He flew faster and faster. He didn't even realize how far he had flown until he saw the Grand Canyon as dawn was breaking. He marveled at the scenery and his new perspective on it.
He was so elated he just continued to fly. How had he ever earned this gift? He couldn't believe what was happening to him. ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Look at what's happened to me- I can't believe it myself.
Suddenly I'm up on top of the world; It should've been somebody else.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
After enjoying his new gift of flight for several hours, he decided he had better go retrieve his car.
He hovered over his car and realized he had no clue how to land. "Just think down," he said to himself. Sadly his landing was anything, but smooth as he fell into a thorn bush. He managed to stand up removing the twigs from his cape, neglecting to remove one from his hair.
He approached his car to see the doors open. The car had been gutted. The radio was gone and most of his belongs. Not that any of it was really a great lose, but it had been his stuff. Then he realized what else was gone. The instruction book was missing.~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Flying away on a wing and a prayer. Who could it be?
Believe it or not it's just me
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Now, it is left to you to imagine the adventures Xander and the Scoobies could have with this new beginning . . . . ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Who could it be? Believe it or not it's just me.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Really hope someone enjoyed this.
Posted: November 30, 2003
Re-edited: August 16, 2006