Bruckheimer would approve (NCIS)
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone from Buffy, no one from NCIS either.
Xander woke up, woke up and instantly regretted it. He raised a hand and draped it across his eyes, groaning he tried to roll over onto his side. That's when the pain came, a new pain that Xander had never experienced before. Eyes wide Xander dropped his arm to his side and looked down at himself.
He was in a hospital bed. He was in a hospital bed and there was something wrong with his leg. Why was there something wrong with his leg?
He flicked his eyes around the room and stopped his search when he saw the man sleeping in the chair by his bed, his suit rumpled from his slumber.
Xander cleared his throat and then with a rusty voice, "Hey, Riley, up and at 'em, soldier."
Riley's head remained slumped into his chest. A small patch of drool collecting on his dress shirt.
Xander shook his head, stuck a finger in each side of his mouth and proceeded to let out the loudest whistle he could manage. He was pleased when Riley jumped in his chair, eyes wide with fright. Once he was aware of his situation Riley sat back and relaxed.
"Hey, back." Xander gave a small wave. He then pointed to himself, "What did I do now?"
"Long or short?" Riley asked.
"You got shot." Riley pointed to the leg that was giving him pain.
"Okay, longer than that?" Xander asked looking from his friend to his wounded leg.
"You don't remember last night?" Riley leaned forward, elbows propped up on his knees.
"Negatory good buddy." Xander shook his head. He remembered getting to D.C. he had been driving around, gotten something to eat. He was trying not to think about Anya or Willow or Buffy. Then zip.
Riley hung his head and shook it back and forth. He looked up with a grin on his scarred face, "Let me put it this way, Jerry Bruckheimer would approve."
Xander tried to think about what that meant, "Okay, I am full blown gonzo confused."
Riley sat back in his chair, "You were driving around last night, you came across some NCIS agents in a fire fight with some unsavory characters.... and you being you, you drove right into the middle of it, blew up your car and the bad guy's car, saved one of the NCIS guys from a nasty ambush they had gotten themselves into, somehow got your hands on a gun and got into a shoot out with said bad guys, capture four of the bad guys yourself and then you got yourself shot by the good guys when everything was said and done."
"Got shot by the good guys?" Xander blinked and looked down at his leg.
"Yeah, and can I say that I'm really sorry about that?" A man asked from the door way. "I come bearing coffee, if it helps?"
Xander looked from Riley to the guy in the door, eyebrow quirked. Riley rubbed his face with both hands, "Agent DiNozzo, I thought I told you to wait."
"He's awake, you were talking, that's what you said I needed to wait for, right? So I come bearing coffee in humble apology for shooting your buddy." Agent DiNozzo gave a very weak smile and proffered the large cup of coffee to Xander.
"This had better be the best cup of coffee ever or you had better have had a damn good reason for putting a bullet in me." Xander harrumphed.
"It's probably not the best cup of coffee ever, however, in my defense I thought you were going to do something bad to Ziva." DiNozzo stepped forward and handed over the coffee.
"Ziva is?" Xander asked before taking a tentative sip of coffee.
"She and I work together."
Xander gagged on the coffee, shaking his head in disbelief at the wretchedness of the coffee he gave it to Riley who with a smirk took it away. "So she's your partner?"
"Uh, kinda." DiNozzo nodded.
"And the reason you didn't put two in my head is?" Xander asked with a frown.
DiNozzo blinked, "What?"
Xander crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the agent. "Your partner was in trouble, you thought I was a threat? Then why the hell would you waist your bullets on a leg wound! Someone threatens your partner, you put two bullets in that person's head and kill the son of a bitch!"
"Uh, sorry I didn't kill you?" DiNozzo asked.
"Damn right you are!" Xander snapped.
Riley laughed, "Only you, Xand, only you would yell at someone for not killing you."
Xander looked at Riley with a frown, "It's the principle of the thing. You don't let someone threaten your partner. If they can't help themselves then you damn well better help them."
"Which brings me to my next question. What the hell are you doing in D.C., Xand?" Riley returned to his seat.
Xander let his head fall back to his pillow. "Because I fucked up my life?"
"I walked away from Anya, you know? I have issues I need to work on before I can ever think about taking the plunge. And that was rudely pointed out to me by an old client of Anya. He outlined a pretty shitty life I'd be consigning myself and Anya too and despite the fact that it was bullshit, I could see it happening... Maybe not to that degree but somehow, someway it was possible. The fact that I was putting us on hold to get my shit together didn't exactly get me a pass." Riley nodded, he'd heard about the wedding that wasn't but not about one of Anya's former victims having anything to do with it.
"Willow's mad at me cause I'm still watching her like a hawk because of her addiction. I mean, she's my Wills, how can I not be worried about her when she won't separate herself from the stuff she's addicted to." Xander's eyes drifted to DiNozzo, "Recovering alcoholics shouldn't be bartender's y'know? And Buffy, Christ, Buffy damn near killed me when I found out that she and Spike we're fucking."
Riley sucked down a breath at that one as his eyes bulged, "What!"
"She and Spike are, sorry, were fucking. That is until Spike started fucking Anya." Xander growled as his face clouded over with rage. "I saw them, in the fucking magic box, on the table, on our table, fucking! I just lost it! I mean... I was... I was gone."
Riley flicked his eyes to the interloper in their midst. "I take it you and Spike had words?"
"He's in the winds." Xander nodded, eyes flicking to agent DiNozzo and then back to Riley, to illustrate his point he made a small staking motion with his right hand.
"Ah." Riley nodded. "Hence the Buffy almost killing you."
"Yeah, she tried to take my head off. Apparently he's the only one who understood her after her... near death experience. Of course that could also be because he's the only one she fuckin' talked to about it! It's hard to understand someone when they don't tell you what's going on you know! I do my best but telepathy isn't something I'm equipped with." Xander near shouted.
"So?" Riley asked.
"So I left. I mean they froze me out. Dawn and Tara were still talking to me but everyone else, not so much. Anya's got every reason to be pissed, can't fault her that. But Buffy and Wills, not no way, not no how do I deserve what their doing to me. And after some rather pointed threats from Buffy I figured to hell with it! Not literally mind you. I quit my job, broke my lease, sold everything I didn't need to survive and left town. Figured I'd finally take my cross country trip."
"Jesus." Riley shook his head, "I'm sorry Xand."
"Meh." Xander shrugged.
"So, just so I understand, you were living out of your car and yet you still used it to ram that other car last night, there by causing the explosion that consumed both cars?" Agent DiNozzo asked.
Xander tilted his head back and considered, "Yeah, that's that facts Jack."
"So, you have no worldly possessions and no home, what are you going to do now?" Agent DiNozzo asked.
Xander looked from agent DiNozzo to Riley, "Beats the living hell out of me."