Still vastly unsure of what to do as St.John yearned to find Erik but was also unwilling to leave Jean to do so. Jean of course wouldn't come with him as she had made her position clear. She was his and he was hers. No one else could touch him, though she seemed to be still drawn to Scott. Which filled him with both extreme jealously and slight happiness. If she would be with Scott then he could be with Erik without worry of her killing him. As she had the professor. St.John's powers were growing constantly thanks to their union, he could now create flames out of nothing, he had telepathy, empathy, telekinesis and precognition. And something...else.
Still he didn't know if he was capable to defend Erik against her as he was unwilling to use true force. In no way would he kill her but nor would he allow her to kill Erik. Which put him in a very odd position as he was stuck in the middle of the two of them with no true way out. How did could he keep both of them without one or both dying. After all, Erik was powerful and he was smart and sneaky. He might figure out a way to kill her as he was killed. Which would leave St.John all alone. The most obvious solution would be to forget Erik, who was now human and just stay with Jean.But....He couldn't.
As he needed and wanted Erik, wanted to be in his arms experiencing the passion only Erik could incite in him, he needed to spend hours talking to him. Listening to stories about his life, learning from him and having Erik in return listening to him. Something that no one ever had before. He had made him feel like he mattered, like he was special and not because of his powers but because he was simply him. Jean made him feel like he could walk on air, rule the cosmos and so much more but it wasn't like with Erik and he wanted that feeling back. He wanted Erik.
As if aware of his thoughts, Jean came into the room and immediately came to his side. Touching his face gently while Scott watched from the doorway. Jean looked at St.John.[I cannot, will not give you Magneto but I can give you male companionship. As I know that is something I cannot give in my own right I have gotten for you elsewhere.]And she looked to Scott. St.John instantly pulled away from her, disgusted at the mere thought.
[Your trying to replace Erik with...with...him.]Here he pointed at Scott incredulous, as if the ever so annoying Mr. Summers could ever be like or replace Erik in his heart or in his bed. Jean read his thoughts and began to go all black eyed, black viny as she would not allow her true equal to leave her for that..mans bed. He had stolen St.John from her at Alkali Lake then tried again when they were reunited after she rose again but their connection had been to strong. Erik would not succeed again.
Ever. In her fury she broke their telepathic connection to speak out loud.
"You would go to him, to be with him again and leave me...You care more for him, now a pathetic mortal which you claim to hate. Yet you would go to him, be with him. How can you do this to me?" She turned away, trying not to attack him for the hurt he dared make her feel. St.John wrapped his arms around her tightly pulling her to him so their bodies were flush against one another. Making them one as they themselves were.
"I don not choose him over you or you over him. I want you both. I love you both....Can't we just find him and be happy together. I'm sure I could convince him not to try to use you again."Hell, Erik would probably try to kill her not use her."And maybe you could...heal him of the drug. So he's not a homo sapien...For me." Jean sighed, knowing she would have her work cut out for her.
[John, I don't want to share you with him. You love him as you love me and I want your love solely for myself...I can't bare to share you...share your heart. So I'm willing to share your body and give you partly what you desire. A man. Scott is perfect. I am still..drawn to him on a certain level and he still loves me. Enough to be with you to be with me...I told him that the only way the two of us could be together is if he was with you. He agreed....So you can have a male lover. Have a male companion. Just not one you can love...Scott won't replace Erik, I know that but...I can't let you be with him....Be with me and be with Scott. I cannot give you more.]
Knowing that the time to make a true decision had finally come, St.John looked at Jean then at Scott and he knew what his decision was. Even though he knew a large part of him was dying he made the decision and moved to Scott's side with one last caress to Jean's cheek. Looking into Scott's eyes, he reached out and pulled him to him. They kissed for the first time and as St.John slipped his tongue into Scott's mouth, he said a silent goodbye to Erik. His first love, his mentor, his greatest friend, his everything. He was reminded of the song Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend, you have been the one for me.
As St.John led Scott to the bedroom, he let Erik go and in doing so St.John died. Eric had been the one to call him that, no one else since the death of his parents had been allowed. And so with Erik being gone, St.John and all that went with him died. John rose up from the ashes, with only half of him living. Erik and Jean had equally shared him and now with one gone he was only half living.