Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, themes, plot devices recognisable as belonging to JKRowling, Marvel or affiliates. I own nothing and gain notthing from writing this other than feeding my own deviant interests. So there!
Potions Master Severus Snape grumbled his way into the living room of his quarters, bare feet slapping gently on the flagstone floor. Mentally bemoaning the fact that his term time habits had rendered him incapable of sleeping past six o’clock in the morning irrespective of the fact that it was the first week of the Summer Holidays. No Dunderheads to teach (or traumatise, depending on who you asked). No school grade potions to brew ad naseum. No teeth grindingly asinine meetings with the Headmaster to either dread or endure. No tests or homework to grade. His schedule was entirely empty until August.
Merlin he was bored already!
Flopping boneless into his favourite wing-backed chair next to the lit fire he reached for his morning coffee the House Elves had left for him. Handy things those magically indentured slaves. He supposed he could go visit his mother.
Eileen Snape was currently convalescing in St Mungoes. The insipid Healers therein having found no reason for his Mother’s deterioration after his Father’s death. Severus himself had been unable to render his mother back to the formidable witch of his youth via his potions. The elder witch continued to weaken, Severus hypothesized that she had simply given up now that the love of her life and favourite sparring partner had passed on. She was simply waiting to join him in the next world. Probably just so she could harangue the old sod over some trifle as she had in life.
Despite popular gossip the Snapes had never been abusive, to each other or their son. Thought none of the family possessed the kind of temperament to make home life peaceful or easy. There was a line, one that had never been crossed.
What a depressing line of thought for first thing in the morning. Still, he had not visited his mother in weeks and he was beginning to get the nasty feeling there wouldn’t be many more opportunities to do so. Perhaps if she was having one of her good days he could take her for high tea at the small cafe she was fond of.
All thoughts of scones and clotted cream were thrust from his mind as the floo suddenly flared to life. The magic blue flames of an incoming communiqué superseding the mundane flames previous. Snape suppressed a sigh as Albus Dumbledore’s head appeared, there went his plans for the day!
“Severus, dear boy!” Albus chortled while Severus allowed himself the brief distraction of wondering how exactly the Dumbledore Tinkle managed to translate itself visible through a flame moulded effigy before focussing once more.
“Albus. To what do I owe this dubious pleasure?” He drawled in as quelling a tone as he could manage before his second mug of the day. By Salazar’s Teeth he was determined not to have his entire day derailed by yet another harebrained idea from the Ubergryffindor.
“Sorry to interrupt your morning my boy but I rather need your assistance. If you would join us in my office?” With that the doddering old fool disappeared from his fireplace before he could so much as open his mouth to ask ‘us who?’. Perfect!
Irate at both the interruption and presumption he stormed from his quarters. Set on finally giving the Old Man a piece of his mind.
He stormed back in moments later after realizing he was still wearing his sleep clothes. While the sweat pants were comfortable they were not suitable for an audience with the Headmaster. Even one as outrageous as Dumbledore. Plus he didn’t do free shows, the rum and absinthe incident not withstanding.
A significantly calmer and more dressed Potions Master swept into the Headmaster’s office moments later. Promptly ducking to avoid a Flying Whirligig that had been thrown at head height.
“You Slanderous Muggle! How dare you speak thus of a Malfoy?!
” An irate Lucius Malfoy bellowed at a dark haired bespectacled man whom Severus was unfamiliar with. Who was also currently cling to the ceiling by his toes.
Which was different enough to cause remark even in the magic community.
“Mr Malfoy I assure you-” “That’s Lord Malfoy you Cretinous Colonial!”
“Ah Severus.” Dumbledore pronounced evenly, seemingly oblivious to the irate aristocrat accio
-ing numerous and sundry of his irreplaceable and priceless artefacts from about the room to fling at the ceiling bound stranger. Who was dodging said items with an acrobatic flair that seemed inhuman in it’s ease. “I was beginning to think you had gotten lost!”
“Hold still and take it like a man you great piece of a Whore’s mount’s suppurated leavings!”
“I hardly think name calling is necessary Lord Malfoy” The stranger remonstrated as he cart wheeled away from the light fitting he had been hanging from like an over sized monkey. Narrowly escaping a direct hit from a Raving Grenade Launcher.
is going on here?”
“Hm?... Merely a frank exchange of ideas dear boy, nothing to be concerned over. Lemon Drop?”
“Really Albus! You interrupted my time for this nonsense? I was planning to visit mother!”
“Apologies Lad. Dear Lucius merely took exception to Doctor McCoy’s comment. I’m sure they will have it all sorted out momentarily.” KRETHUMP
For a blessed moment all was silent as Snape and Dumbledore turned to find the aforementioned Doctor sat astride a stunned blonde. The latter’s arms and legs pinned, clearly outmatched by the other’s greater girth and weight.
“Now Lucius!” Dumbledore remonstrated gently as he peered over his glasses. “I am sure the matter can be settled to mutual satisfaction if we all approach it in an adult manner.”
“Which matter would that be
exactly?” Severus interjected. He was all of two steps from obliviating the room and leaving them all to it.
Lucius cried to his friend, having clearly been too preoccupied earlier to have noticed the dark wizard’s entrance. “This
“Godric’s pungent scrote cheese!
” Severus growled at the end of his admittedly short tether. “Use your words.”
“This malignant myopic Muggle impugned the Malfoy Honour!”
“I did no such thing!” McCoy protested, broad features contorted in confusion.
“You called my son a Mudblood
!” Lucius yelled his face reddening.
“A most egregious statement sir! I am completely unaware of what the scurrilous sounding sobriquet means!”
did you call my Godson Muggle?” Severus snarled, his fingers twitching towards his wand.
“Nothing Master Snape! I was merely attempting to elucidate on the younger Malfoy’s changing circumstances!”
Severus narrowed his eyes at the strange Muggle before snapping his gaze to Dumbledore while Lucius engaged his new chest ornament in a hissed barrage of insults.