Disclaimer: Buffy season 2, Star Wars prequel trilogy, properties of Joss Whedon and George Lucas, respectively.
Warning (if any): Language, Sam Jackson jokes.
Author's notes(if any): So, I was on a kick of reading some of the Star Wars crossovers today, when this scene occurred to me. See Naitch’s six story series or Winterd’s Phantoms and Slayers
for the inspiration. Still working on Strangely Literal
of course, just have to work out how I want some scenes to go.
And yes, I’m aware that this probably isn’t how the Jedi do this kind of thing. But this was the best way for me to get to the joke I wanted to make. :) And I don’t even know if this is an original gag - but it was funny to me when I thought it up at the time.-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-
Buffy was excited. Ever since she’d come to this strange little alternate dimension and found out that there were laser swords, she desperately wanted one. Not that she had any demons to slay, but the need for one might one day arise. Then she found out that only Jedi could have them, which bummed her out terribly until the day the Jedi asked her if she would like to be an apprentice along with her adopted little brother, Anakin.
And then, came the year’s worth of meditation and practicing of floating objects. It was like watching paint dry. Which they didn’t even do in this dimension! It was some insta-dry compound they used to decorate their walls, when they weren’t natural stone or metal colors.
But finally, finally
, finally the day had come when she was to begin learning about using a lightsaber. When she was considered respectful enough of the weapon, (as if she’d ever be anything else, given how extensively she used weapons back in her Slaying days), she’d begin the process to build her own. As a bonus, her own Jedi Master, Mace Windu, was considered one of the best duelists the Jedi had ever seen. Not only would she get to have one of her very own, but she’d learn how to use it from a master of his craft.
With a touch of impatience, she waited outside the dueling training room for Master Windu to arrive so her training could begin, fidgeting with the end of her padawan braid. Maybe she’d even get to see what his lightsaber was like, see how it was constructed so she could start developing ideas on how to make hers. Sadly, except for her initial interview with the Jedi Council, she’d never seen him wearing his. He never wore it when they were working on her control of the Force and her meditation, and on the rare occasions they were somewhere that would necessitate him having the weapon on his person, he was always wearing the long cloak that was part of a Jedi’s uniform, which hid his lightsaber from view.
"Patience is a virtue, my padawan," Master Windu’s voice chided from right behind her.
Buffy carefully didn’t start at his sudden appearance. "And you’re taxing my virtue." She paused and reviewed that statement in her head. "That was more funny and less entendre-laden in my head." Buffy watched his face closely for a smile. She got a twitch at the corner of his mouth. Damn the man, anyway. One day, she’d get a proper laugh out of him!
Master Windu ignored her comment and simply raised his eyebrows. "Are you certain that you’re ready for this? Perhaps we should return to meditation for a little while longer-"
"No, no, I’m ready. I’m rarin’ to go." She looked at his belt. "You don’t have yours?"
"That is part of the first lesson." Master Windu pressed his finger to the access plate to the training room and the door slid soundlessly open. Buffy walked into the room. Instead of what she mgiht expect for training purposes, the training room had a table in the middle of the room with multiple lightsabers resting on it.
"A Jedi’s lightsaber is part of them. From the day they first pick out the handle and start trying to find the crystal they use to focus the blade, it’s as tied to them as their own limbs," Master Windu intoned. "Sometimes, when you’re on an assignment, you may have occasion to use another Jedi’s lightsaber by necessity. This is acceptable, but at the first opportunity, you must return it to the Jedi to whom it belongs in as good a condition as possible. When we first met, I was wearing my lightsaber. Do you remember what it looked like?"
Buffy screwed her face up in thought. And thought. And thought. And then sighed and slumped her shoulders. "With everything that was going on at the time, I didn’t think to memorize it," she confessed. That was one of the things she liked about Master Windu. If she didn’t do something he thought she should have, she needed only to confess that she didn’t think to do whatever it was he was asking, and he would patiently instruct her. He didn’t harp on her not getting it right the first time and he let her ask as many questions as she needed to. Sometimes to his eventual dismay.
"On the table are many different lightsabers. Jedi who are not leaving the temple today have generously loaned their lightsabers to us for this exercise. When we finish for the day, I will give you a list of the owners of each one and you will return their lightsabers to them individually and thank them for their generous donation."
Sometimes, Buffy could get away with a little good natured grumbling, but this was not one of those times, judging by Master Windu’s expression.
"Yes, Master Windu," Buffy replied without an ounce of complaint in her tone.
He studied her for a moment longer, as if gauging her sincerity. Apparently satisfied, he gestured at the table. "You’ve seen my quarters here in the temple. You’ve studied with me for over a year. Knowing what you know about me, I’d like you to see if you can determine which lightsaber is mine. You may activate the lightsabers if you feel it will help you judge, but the thing you should be focusing on is the Force. Let your feelings guide you until you think you’ve picked out the one that I use."
That was the first lesson? Figure out which one was his? Buffy thought it seemed a little silly. Of course, given his little lecture about how personal each lightsaber was, maybe it was being done to emphasize how important the weapon is to each Jedi?
Or maybe she was over-thinking it.
Buffy turned to the table and the small sea of silvery and black handled lightsabers. She took a deep breath and began to reach out through the force, absently extending her hand over the table as she tried to get a read on what lightsaber ‘felt’ most like Master Windu.
The first one was quiet, as if its owner rarely had occasion to use it. That didn’t seem like Master Windu. The next was a bit more laden with emotion, but there was an undercurrent of something else, almost frantic, that didn’t seem like it fit him. She went over each of them in turn once to get a sense of their ‘vibe’, then went back to start narrowing down which ones definitely weren’t Master Windu’s.
She whittled down the options to about ten or so and considered the survivors of Lightsaber: The Reality Show. She couldn’t determine who else needed to be voted off the island on vibe alone. She studied each one in turn, inspecting it visually as well as with the Force. Then her eyes lit on a lightsaber that had the standard issue silvery metal and black padding, but it also had highlights of gold plating in the focusing emitter as well as elsewhere on the handle. It had a feel to it in the Force of quiet precision and accuracy. It was only used when absolutely necessary. When it was active, it stayed active only as long as was needed. And it was always the last weapon still active when it was shut down again.
She picked it up promptly. "This one!"
Master Windu’s eyebrows rose again, this time with a pleased smile on his face. "Right on your first try. Well done, Buffy! How did you know?"
Buffy got an expression of mischief on her face. She held the lightsaber up to her face and pretended to squint and look at something on the side of it. "It’s the one that says, ‘Bad Motherfucker’ on it."