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Xander Squarepants?

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Summary: ok, silly little halloween fic...

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Cartoons > SpongeBob SquarepantsCanadianPhoenixFR71924037902 Dec 032 Dec 03Yes
Title: Xander?



Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing I say. Dharma Bum says I, I also say pie and eye.



Summary: Quick drabble fic I’m writing while Shannon’s hogging the computer. Who am I kidding? I’ve met four year olds who share better then me.



Timeline: Season two, Halloween, ‘nuff said.



Rating: PG



Despite being conscripted into trick or treat duty Xander was in high spirits, after all anything is better then playing bait in the graveyard. With Giles’ assurances that the undead would be dead Halloween, pun intended, Xander was looking forward to a fun filled night.



With his power of denial in full force over the aborted fight with Larry in full force Xander went to meet with his two bestest buds in the world. They had agreed to meet in front of Ethan’s and he was late as usual. Slipping in between the two ladies, Xander slung an arm over each of their shoulders.



“I still think we should go as a pimp with his two bitches” Xander smiled as he got the reaction he was expecting. ~THWACK~


~THUMP~ “Ouch, watch the slayer strength” Truth be told he knew he deserved it, but it was worth it to see the looks on their faces.



“Ok, Ok fine you go as Mistress Red and Mistress Pain and I can go as slave boy.” Xander quipped as he rubbed his arm, a huge grin on his face. When Buffy and Willow drew closer to him and started stroking his chest his brain froze, like a deer caught in headlights.



Willow couldn’t help the oddly pleasing image he had created or the giggle that followed his reaction to their teasing him back.


“I think we broke him.”



Xander opened the door for the two of them, bowing as they walked by. After all not many people could beat the self-titled King of the One-Liner, his first and well only defense against Cordelia Chase. Xander broke left as the girls went right.



Xander was at a complete loss for a costume idea, fortunately there was still two days left until the big event and he was in no rush. Strangely enough his parents had actually started giving him money and the series of odd jobs he did was raking in the dough.


Coupled with his long ingrained habit of saving money Xander was set.



“Watch out doofus, who gave you permission to exist in the first place?” Cordelia practically snarled as she pushed her way past Xander, forgetting him as soon as she walked by. Xander couldn’t let this one go though, not after losing once already.



“Hey Cordelia, why don’t you dress up as some one with a personality and a brain?” Xander got his instant gratification when Cordelia spun on her heel ready to tear a strip from him. “Huge stretch, but I’m sure you could pay somebody to believe it.”



Xander’s smile grew even wider as she stormed away; nothing lifted his spirits then taking his rival down a peg or five. When Jesse was still alive the three of them had made a sort of unofficial competition out of it. It never got to out of hand and Xander thought even Cordelia missed the battle of wits that usually resulted when the three of them got going.



Humming to himself Xander wondered around the store, casually dismissing idea after idea. Until he noticed Buffy almost drooling over a dress on the other side of the store. ‘Not spandex, but on Buff definite hotness potential.’ So when he saw the older man heading towards her he cut him off at the pass.



“My friend, Buffy wants the dress she’s drooling on.” Ethan stopped and looked at Xander, he knew all of the Sunnydale group and was interested in what the young man had to say. “All I want to know is how much.”



Ethan smiled to himself; he had been planning on practically giving the Buffy the dress. This way had far more potential for chaos, the effects of the spell would depend a lot more on Xander’s impressions of her in the costume then her own. “Come into my office, I’m sure we can work out a mutually satisfactory agreement.”



As Ethan passed the front counter he told the clerk to make sure Buffy got the dress, at Xander’s insistence she wouldn’t be told of his part in it. Ethan didn’t care either way as long as he was tossing the proverbial shit into the fan.



Ten minutes later the two men walked out, both satisfied. Ethan was surprised and pleased at the expert way Xander had haggled him down a substantial amount. ‘Crafty and sly’ The young man was reminding him more and more of himself at that age, of course forgetting Ethan’s complete lack of moral compass. To him ethics were something that happened to other people.



TWO NIGHTS LATER


Xander had been working long and hard on his costume from Ethan’s, he had to alter the pants quite a bit and rig up something for inside of them. Then with Willow’s help they applied the elaborate make up job needed to make him look authentic, they were running a bit late by the time they got to Buffy’s house.



Buffy opened the door as the pair walked down her lane way, she was shocked at the costume Willow was wearing. She had assumed she would be donning something pathetic like a big BOO! The kin tight uniform suited her; especially with the long elegant gloves she was wearing. In her hand she held a jet-black wig with a white streak down the middle.



Xander completely confused her though “I don’t get it Xander, why are you wearing square pants. Xander just smirked as he put a tape in her stereo…



‘WHO LIVES IN A PINAPPLE UNDER THE SEA….’

The End

You have reached the end of "Xander Squarepants?". This story is complete.

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