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I Don't Care If There's a Bloody Minotaur Outside

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This story is No. 1 in the series "The Pizza Chronicles". You may wish to read the series introduction first.

Summary: You can meet some of the most interesting people when you're either the kidnappee or part of the rescue team.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Miscellaneous > Myths & LegendsGreywizardFR1518880195,1292 Sep 102 Sep 10Yes
I Don't Care If There's a Bloody Minotaur Outside – I Want Some Pizza!

Disclaimer: None of the characters from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer universe or the Percy Jackson universe belong to me. Deal with it. I have.

Category: I'm intending this to be (hopefully) the first in a series of short ficlets responding to TTH Challenge 1562: Jinni's Tuesday Challenge... (Hug A Donor). How well that will work out remains to be seen. ;-)

Time Frame: Post 'Chosen' for the Scooby-verse, and probably some random time period between the end of 'The Battle of the Labyrinth' and the beginning of 'The Last Olympian' for Percy Jackson.

Spoilers: None intended, but if you don’t know what happened up to this point, why are you reading this?

Character Bashing: Nah. Not this time.

Feedback: Of course!

Archiving: Talk to me first, please.

Author’s Note: Many thanks to Bill Haden and Theo (Starway_Man) for beta-ing this story.


"Gods damn all those fucking asshole, sonuvabitching bastards!!"

Percy Jackson watched with wide-eye incredulity as the tall brunette with the waist-length ponytail began swearing vehemently to herself in ancient Greek and a couple other glottal languages he didn't recognize (but which he thought were probably almost as ancient) while she casually shook the minotaur's blood off the sword (which she'd pulled off her charm bracelet and then nonchalantly enlarged with a single word command) with a flick of her wrist while she headed to the exit.

"I swear to the Goddess, if I miss my interview for Oxford tomorrow because of these assholes kidnapping me because they thought I was whoever this Annabeth Chase girl is, then I'm gonna make whoever is behind this bloody cluster-fuck suffer like they've never suffered before!" the young demigod heard the beautiful – and obviously quite lethal – brunette muttering in a low voice before she turned to look over her shoulder at him and his friends and ask, "Well? Are you guys coming with me, or are you gonna wait here 'til someone finally comes along to rescue you?"

The unmistakable disdain and derision Percy could hear in her tone of voice as she asked that question, combined with the obvious expertise she'd displayed with a sword when she'd carved up the minotaur who'd been guarding them, made his still-tender-from-being-kidnapped ego immediately snap, "Of course we are!"

Turning to look back at Grover, who was currently standing protectively in front of his tree nymph girlfriend, Juniper, Percy inclined his head to indicate the brunette as he said, "Okay, buddy, let's get moving before Xena here gets tired of waiting around and takes off by herself, okay?"

"You really sure you want to do that, man?" Grover asked a bit skeptically, as he eyed their fellow would-be hostage somewhat uncertainly. "'Cause we don't anything about this girl, at all.

"And we also don't know how many more of those things might be hiding out there, waiting to chow down on us when we walk out of this cave," he pointed out, indicating the still bleeding-out minotaur corpse off to one side

"Well, I don’t know about you guys," the statuesque brunette interrupted their conversation impatiently from her position by the mouth of the cave, "but I'm getting hungry and I haven't had anything to eat since breakfast this morning. I figure Buffy's probably on her way here now with a bunch of the newbie mini-Slayers, and considering that it's Xander turn to make dinner tonight, I'm guessing he's probably already ordered pizza to pick up on the way home, so the sooner we can get out of here, the sooner I can get something to eat.

"So let's get moving, okay?" Mystery Girl finished her commentary, gesturing with her sword and urging them towards the tunnel outside.

"Uh, excuse me, but did you say someone named 'Buffy' is probably on her way here, looking for you?" Juniper spoke up from her position behind Grover's protective form, surprising both of the guys with her apparently superfluous question.

"Yeah," the brunette nodded affirmatively. "Buffy Summers – she's my sister."

"The eldest Vampire Slayer?" Juniper murmured as she stared at the other female, a wide-eyed look of wonder furrowing her classically beautiful forehead.

"Oh Gaia! Then that means you're Dawn Summers!!" Juniper declared excitedly an instant later, her eyes widening with a combination of amazement, admiration and enthusiasm at the unexpected revelation as she clapped her hands in delight. All in all, her reaction sort of reminded Dawn of some of the groupies she remembered hanging around 'Dingoes Ate My Baby,' back when Oz was still living in Sunnydale, the brunette decided.

"Grover! Percy! Can you believe this?" the nymph exclaimed, her voice a mixture of enthusiasm, elation and awe as she turned to speak to her friends. "We're actually gonna meet the most famous Vampire Slayer in the world! This is fantastic!"

Spinning back to face Dawn, Juniper was practically vibrating with anticipation at the idea of meeting someone she apparently considered the equivalent of a rock star.

"Uh, Dawn, I'm Juniper," she introduced herself excitedly, her voice half an octave higher with her excitement, "and this is my boyfriend, Grover Underwood.

"I'm a wood nymph, and he's a satyr, and this is our friend, Perseus Jackson," she added, indicating Percy.

"Oh, and he's a demigod," Juniper elaborated offhandedly a moment later. "His father's Poseidon, god of the sea."

"Poseidon's kid, huh?" Dawn said, giving Percy a dubious look as she glanced back for a moment from an evaluation of the tunnel outside the cavern they were in.

"So, I guess that means you probably won't want any anchovies on your pizza, then?"


The End

You have reached the end of "I Don't Care If There's a Bloody Minotaur Outside". This story is complete.

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