Disclaimer: Buffy and co. is not owned by me.
You hurt so badly.
You want it to stop. To stop the screams. Stop, stop, stop!
You see her every time; her screams, her face, her pleas. Please, just stop. I can’t take it anymore.
And then when you look into your hands, you see the blood, her blood
, your mind whispers, dripping silently onto the floor, creating a puddle, you just can’t take it anymore.
You walk around the room; her spirit following you around, muttering you killed me. You killed me. Why?
Looking at her picture, you caress your thumb softly across the glass frame before hurling it violently across the room.
It shatters against the wall just as your heart shatters into a thousand pieces when you saw her take her last breathe.
You scream again, but this time, it’s not of anger, not of hate.
It’s out of resignation.
You used to remember all the walks you took down by the river; all the words she said when she was laying down side by you after making love; all her passion when she told you she loved you.
You remember all these damn memories and all you want to do now is to erase them. Get them out of your mind.
But you can’t. Or more importantly, you won’t.
Everywhere you go, every glimpse of life you take, you see her.
You see her taking that little path she used to walk with you every evening, and when your heart beats out a glimmer of hope, the illusion shatters and everything fucking thing is just another mirage.
You slide down the wall as tears; she used to call them life diamonds
, well out from your eyes and you just let everything out.
The guilt, the pain, the anger, the sorrow.
Every damn thing.
And then you suddenly understood in that sudden moment of clarity, that she wouldn’t want to see you like this.
To see you wasting your life away for her.
So, you reached deep inside yourself and pulled out the part she was so afraid of.
You want her to understand that her life just wasn’t wasted away just because of a war between two warring forces that you left a long time ago; and if she were here, she would have been the first one to disagree what you are about to do.But she’s not here now
. Your mind whispers to yourself.
And that blood red fury of vengeance clouds your vision as you began to plan; to plan how to avenge her death if it meant sacrificing others.
Vengeance is awaken, and none would stop her.