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Zombieland

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Summary: The apocalypse is here and there is nothing they can do except survive. Welcome to Zombieland!

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > ZombielandLetsRandomFR18125,47714816,14717 Sep 104 Oct 10No

Rule #24

“I’m worried about Buffy fighting so much.”

“Dawn, your sister’s the slayer,” Xander soothed.

“But she’s not invincible,” Dawn explained, “Remember that vampire?”

Xander let his imagination get the better of him as he pictured Buffy engulfed by a horde of zombies. He shuddered as he saw images of her flesh rending. After a few moments Xander nodded.

“Ever since the bite, the Hyperion... she’s not Buffy,” Dawn said.

Xander sighed, “She’s a little freaked, she’s still Buffy.”

“It’s not self defense anymore. She’s slaying now.”

“That’s our Buffy. Buffy the Zombie Slayer.”

Dawn bit her lip, “I just don’t want her to fight so much.”

Both Dawn and Xander looked out their suite window to the street below. A small bond whirlwind of metal, limbs, and chainsaws flew up and down the block leaving blood, limbs, and viscera everywhere. The pair watched grimly as Buffy continued to mow down zombies that showed little interest beyond devouring the human corpses littering the street.

Xander voiced a thought, “What if we pretended to be zombies?”

“What?” Dawn asked surprised.

“You know, make with the ugh brains, so we wouldn’t have the zombies attack us?”

“Say that again?”

Xander motioned to his face, “Use a little makeup, fake some blood, dirt, you know zombie stuff. Then we could walk around.”

“Would that even work?” Dawn questioned.

“We don’t know how they decide who to attack,” Xander shrugged, “If it’s how we look, it might work.”

Dawn looked back outside to watch Buffy’s progress. Squinting slightly Dawn noticed that Buffy was swinging her chainsaws with greater force.

“I think Buffy ran out of gas,” Dawn commented.

Xander watched in amazement as Buffy proceeded to send the head of a particular zombie soaring into the air. The dull and unmoving blade of her chainsaw had not resulted in a clean decapitation. The chainsaw had likely only embedded itself partway before Buffy’s strength rended the neck. Xander and Dawn watched Buffy continue her hunt with an unnatural vigour.

“Maybe it wouldn’t be a good idea,” Xander amended.

“I don’t want Buffy accidentally killing you,” Dawn agreed.

“Naw, Buff wouldn’t-”

Dawn interrupted, “I hope so.”

Xander continued, “But someone else might.”

“What do you mean?” Dawn asked.

“When you see a zombie, what do you do?”

“Oh,” Dawn replied understanding.

Xander nodded, “We sorta shoot on zombies on sight. All it’d take is a human with a gun and BLAM!

“Yeah your idea was pretty stupid,” Dawn agreed, “Let’s go find a new place to stay.”

“What’s wrong with this place?” Xander asked.

“Why stay here when we could live in a celebrity’s house?” Dawn replied.

“Good point,” Xander conceded.

Dawn pointed a finger, “No zombie makeup.”

Xander raised both his hands in surrender, “Yeah, walking around dressed like a zombie is just asking to get shot.”



Elsewhere, Bill Murray dressed like a zombie lay dying in his personal theatre with a shotgun wound to his chest. One of his four companions voiced a final question.

“So do you have any regrets?”

“Garfield maybe.”

Bill Murray took a final elongated breath as four people watched on in agony and regret.

The iconic legend took a second final breath and died.

Rule #24: Pretend Zombies Get Shot Too



AN: I know there are rules about real people in the fanfics and I hope I haven't broken any of them. The lines/scene were taken directly from the Bill Murray cameo in the movie. It's one of my favourite cameos of all time.

Let me know what you think!

The End?

You have reached the end of "Zombieland" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 4 Oct 10.

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