Chapter 2: Not the Townspeople!
Chapter 2: Not the Townspeople!
Warning: I don’t know; maybe language and innuendo somewhere along the way.
Timeline: Not really specific for BtVS, but obviously before season 4 of Gilmore Girls. AU in that Luke and Lorelai have already gotten together and are very happy, thank you very much!
Challenge: none that I can find; if you see one that matches, please let me know.
A/N: This is the result of not going to sleep when I should have.
Thanks to my betas: none, I couldn’t subject them to this crackfic.
Disclaimer: BtVS characters belong to Joss Whedon / Mutant Enemy. Gilmore Girls belong to the WB. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission. Dialogue from http://www.gilmoregirls.org/eguide/transcripts/episode5.html.
Stars Hollow Town Square
As expected, it wasn’t long before Sookie spilled the beans to her boyfriend, Jackson, and they were overheard by Miss Patty. So that meant the whole town would find out by the next night. And in true Slayer luck, a group of vampires decided to attack Stars Hollow that following night in an attempt to gain notoriety for killing the Head Watcher and Slayer, along with her protégé. Which meant Giles, Buffy and Rory had to try slaying around a group of weird townsfolk yelling things at them.
First there was Taylor shouting at Buffy when he saw her crossbow, “Do you have a permit for that?” Then he turned to the vampires to complain, “You hoodlums are what’s wrong with America today!”
Meanwhile, Kirk latched onto poor Giles. “Are there any job openings in the Watchers Council? Do Watchers make good money? Do you provide uniforms or would I be expected to buy one? What kind of health--” and the questions never seemed to end. Giles was getting close to throwing him at the vampires just to shut him up. Even Andrew wasn’t nearly as irritating – although he would never admit that to his assistant.
When some lawn pieces in front of her store got smashed, Mrs. Kim called out, “You break, you buy.” She looked at the Watcher and Slayer, then added, “Two percent discount for having a cross and holy water.”
Miss Patty cornered one creature of the night and asked flirtatiously, “Hey, tall dark and vampiric! What else are those fangs good for?” He looked almost relieved when Rory shoved her stake through his heart.
“Get lost or I’ll set you on fire,” Jess snarled when one of the vamps dared to grab his leather jacket.
Catching up to Buffy, Babette inquired, “So these patrols are sorta like a passeggiata? That’s Italian for ‘a nice walk’. Say it for the Slayer, Morey,” she commanded her husband.
Morey quickly complied in that special way he had, “Passeggiatas.”
“Oh God, he makes it sound so sexy,” Babette practically growled, which concerned Buffy. Not that she thought the woman was a demon, but that she’d tear off his clothes right there in public.
“Oh come on.” Morey ducked his head in embarrassment.
Babette nudged Buffy’s shoulder and teased, “Oh he’s blushing. God I love a man that blushes!” At that, Buffy couldn’t help but laugh at the odd couple.
As the dust from the vampire trying to bite him landed on his jacket, Michel whined, “I just bought this suede jacket! Do you know how hard it is to get dust out of suede?!”
Paris stomped over to Giles, who had just managed to escape Kirk. “Does she get extra school credit for this? Because that’s not fair she should get credit for something the rest of us can’t do!” she shouted at the bewildered Watcher.
He wasn’t alone in feeling overwhelmed. Emily finally had cornered Buffy and demanded, “Isn’t there a way for Rory to do this without resorting to violence? It’s so unbecoming for a Gilmore to act like a hooligan.”~~~~~~
Later, when they were safely inside the locked diner, Buffy commented to her Watcher, “And you thought the Hellmouth was crazy, Giles. I wonder what causes it here.”
“Welcome to my life. The whole town should be declared insane,” Luke replied with a roll of his eyes.
Giles stared at the man for a second, then asked, “Including you?”
Instead of being annoyed by the question, Luke just shrugged, “Sometimes I wonder.”
“But it makes life interesting! Now, Buffy, Rory and I need some coffee, stat!” Lorelai ordered her boyfriend, smiling at her daughter and blonde friend.
Luke walked over to the counter, muttering under his breath, “And I’m dating the queen of the lunatics.”
A/N: Now Musie is content and quiet.