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Too Sexy Macarena

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Summary: There’s a reason Remus makes James and Sirius run their plans by him before implementing them…

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Non-BtVS/AtS Stories > Theme: ComedyDemonChildeKyraFR1312,0270788711 Oct 1011 Oct 10Yes
Title: Too Sexy Macarena

Author: Kyra

Disclaimer: I don’t own them; if I did I wouldn’t be writing fanfiction. Song is “I’m Too Sexy” the MC Hammer version.

Summary: There’s a reason Remus makes James and Sirius run their plans by him before implementing them…

Pairings: Slight Remus/Sirius if you squint though it could just be Sirius being Sirus… And slight James/Lily.

Spoilers: None. Set in the Marauder Era.

Warnings: Crack. Complete and total crack. Nudity, but not sex, and the nudity is all in good fun and not explicit.

A/N: Okay, yeah…You can totally blame (or thank, whichever way you wanna look at it) IceWhisper for this one. I swear, that girl is evil! Evil, I tell you!



“What are you two up to?” Remus asked, eyeing his two best friends suspiciously as he sat down at the Gryffindor table for dinner. They were looking far too casual for his tastes.

“Who?” James asked, hazel eyes going wide in mock-innocence.

“Us?” Sirius added, also trying to affect a look of innocence.

He failed horribly. They both did.

“I know you two,” Remus stated, “you’re up to something. And the fact that I don’t know about it makes me nervous.”

“Aww, Moony, have we ever given you a reason to be nervous?” James asked, giving his friend puppy-dog eyes.

Remus stared blankly at the brunet for a moment before shaking his head. “I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer,” he stated flatly.

James and Sirius tried to look offended, but were unsuccessful as they both started snickering.

“Don’t you worry your pretty little head about us, Moony,” Sirius said as he draped an arm over Remus’s shoulders.

“Think about it this way,” James added, “this time you’ll honestly be able to tell Dumbledore you had nothing to do with it.”

“That’s not really reassuring,” Remus pointed out and James simply shrugged in reply.

Glancing around the Great Hall, Sirius grinned when he saw that it was full; dinner was underway enough that everyone was there, but not so far that people were leaving yet. Looking across the table at James, he rolled his eyes as he noticed his partner-in-crime trying (and failing) to flirt with Lily Evans.

James jumped and let out a yelp as Sirius’s foot connected sharply with his shin. Turning to look at his friend he glared at the other boy for interrupting while he was trying to flirt with Lily. Sirius just gave him a pointed look before looking around the Great Hall then turning his gaze back to James, arching an eyebrow in a way that clearly stated ‘Get with the program, Dumbass!’ Looking around and noticing how full the Great Hall was, a large grin spread over James’s face before he nodded at Sirius.

Remus looked across the table at Lily. “Why do I have a bad feeling about this?” he asked her.

“Because it’s them?” she suggested, though it really wasn’t a question.

On Sirius’s other side, Peter shifted in his seat looking a mix of nervous and excited. He was always excited for anything James and Sirius did, he was just afraid he’d somehow get in trouble for it as well.

Remus sighed in resignation as Sirius and James both stood up from their seats, then groaned as they proceeded to banish the food on their section of the table and jumping on top. The two boys simply stood there for a moment before people started to notice that they were on the table, looking for all the world like it was nothing out of the ordinary.

It didn’t take long before the Hall went quiet as everyone turned to stare at the two Gryffindors, McGonagall sighing as she stood up to go make her students get off the table.

Once Sirius and James were sure they had everyone’s attention, James let his wand drop into his hand, flicking it once and causing the lights in the Hall to dim and a spotlight to shine on their section of the Gryffindor table.

I’m too sexy for my love

Remus groaned and let his head drop onto the table with a loud thud as the first line of the song reverberated throughout the Great Hall.

I’m too sexy for my love
Love’s going to leave me


The Hall was filled with gasps as the music kicked in and Remus was aware of James and Sirius’ feet moving on the table in front of where he was repeatedly banging his head. Looking up at the sounds of shock, he was momentarily blinded as something soft hit him in the face. Pulling it away, he groaned again when he saw what it was. Slowly, ever so slowly, because he was fairly certain he was going to regret it, Remus looked up. And yup, that was Sirius’s robe in his hands. And apparently he hadn’t been wearing anything under said robe because he was currently on the table wearing nothing but a smile, as was James. Flicking his gaze down, Remus couldn’t help but smirk slightly as he saw Lily holding James’ robe as she stared up at the brunet, flushing brightly but apparently unable to look away.

Looking back up at his friends as legs moved into his field of vision, Remus couldn’t help the burst of laughter that escaped him upon seeing the moves his friends were doing. The Macarena. They were dancing the Macarena. It really didn’t fit their choice of song. At all.

I’m too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts
And I’m too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan
New York and Japan
And I’m too sexy for your party, too sexy for your party
No way I’m disco dancing


Remus shook his head, reluctantly admitting to himself that James and Sirius were actually managing to put enough sass and attitude into their dance moves to actually pull off the absolute ridiculousness of what they were doing. Only those two could do so completely stupid and still manage to pull it off.

I’m a model, you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah
I do my little turn on the catwalk


They had to have practiced this, Remus realized as he noticed how they had the dance timed just right so they were doing the little hip shimmie and turning at the same time the turn line rang out through the Great Hall. He supposed he should just be glad his friends were just dancing and not actually singing; he loved them both but neither of them could sing if their lives depended on it.

As they made their next turn, Sirius’s eyes connected with Remus’s and a wicked grin crossed his face. Remus shook his head as he leaned back in his seat, as far from the table as he could get without falling off the bench. It did no good however as Sirius reached down and grabbed his hand, pulling him up onto the table. Sirius positioned Remus between him and James so he couldn’t escape and slipped seamlessly back into the choreography, perfectly in time with James.

Resigned to his fate, Remus sighed and bobbed his head along with the moves James and Sirius were doing since they didn’t keep time with the song, then joined in as the two made their next turn and restarted the routine.

I’m too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car
Too sexy by far
I’m too sexy for my hat, too sexy for my hat
What d’you think about that


As they made their next turn, Remus looked down at Lily with an evil look on his face and she started frantically shaking her head, trying to scramble back out of her seat. Unfortunately for her, she wasn’t fast enough and Remus quickly tugged her up onto the table as well. If he had to suffer through this, so did she. Though...it was actually kind of fun…Not that he’d admit that to Sirius or James…Ever. He was just glad his friends hadn’t tried to strip him.

I’m a model, you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah
I shake my little tush on the catwalk


James and Sirius really had timed the dance well, managing to work it so they were shimmying their hips again during the tush line. Remus grinned at Lily as he saw the redhead sigh and roll her eyes before she jumped into dance as well. Turning his head to the side, Remus laughed out loud as he saw the terrified look on Peter’s face. Like they’d actually pull him up on the table with them; no one wanted to see Peter attempting to dance in any way, even if it was the Macarena. Remus shook his head, trying to rid himself of the mental image that had caused. They turned again and Remus grinned as he caught a glimpse of Professor McGonagall; the poor woman looked liked she’d frozen in place when James and Sirius had dropped their robes and hadn’t moved since…And possibly like she was on the verge of having a heart attack.

I’m too sexy for my, too sexy for my, too sexy for my

‘Cause I’m a model, you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah
I do my little turn on the catwalk


Glancing around at the students staring at them, Remus laughed when he saw their expressions. Most of the younger years had their hands clamped over their eyes and bright red blushes staining their cheeks, visible even behind the shield of their hands. A good portion of the older girls, and more than a few of the guys, were staring hungrily at James and Sirius’s naked bodies while the rest of the guys and the few girls left over looked like they couldn’t decide if they wanted to laugh or be sick. Sending a quick look at Lily as he heard her laugh, Remus wondered for a second how she was managing to ignore the fact that she was dancing next to a very naked James Potter. Mentally shrugging, Remus refocused on dancing as they turned once more.

I’m too sexy for my cat, too sexy for my cat
Poor pussy, poor pussy cat
I’m too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love
Love’s going to leave me

And I’m too sexy for this song


As the last word echoed through the room, Remus grabbed Lily’s hand and pulled her around so they ended up posed back to back, each of them facing a side of their table. James and Sirius easily and swiftly adapted, turning so they were posed with their backs to Lily and Remus’s sides. Fortunately for them, they were smart enough to not actually touch the two still-clothed Gryffindors. A beat passed as the four stood there, back to back and backs to sides. It wasn’t long before none of them could take it anymore, though, and all four dissolved into laughter.

Their laughter was broken by the sharp sound of heels on stone and their laughter died in their throats as they looked up to see Professor McGonagall striding toward them, a look of fury on her face.

Mr. Black! Mr. Potter! If you two would be so kind as to put your clothes back on. NOW! Mr. Lupin, Ms. Evans, I expected more from you two. All four of you, my office. Now.”

Oh yeah, they were in so much trouble…



Yeah, so this was brought on because of a text IceWhisper sent me…while I was in class. Which is the main reason for her evilness. I almost started laughing out loud in class. I seriously had to bite my tongue and bury my face in my arms to keep from laughing out loud. I’m lucky the teacher didn’t look over at me ‘cause I was totally shaking from laughter. Seriously, Evil, I tell you! Honestly, who sends someone a text that reads “Now. As you sit in class, think of draco. naked. doing the macarena. and singing “im too sexy”” when they know said someone is in class unless they’re evil? And yes, the idea got changed from Draco to Sirius then to include the others. But she said she could actually see Sirius doing it, so Draco was funnier. But actually being able to see Sirius doing this…well,, that’s what spawned this…

Anyway, I hope you all liked it!

~ Kyra

The End

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