AN1: I swear, it’s like I’m on a Buffy humor kick. If this keeps up, I might even get over the block I’m having on the latest chapter of A Phoenix will always rise. I am halfway through it, I just need to get over a certain hump in the plot.
AN2: This story is going to swing from humor to seriousness and drama and back again a lot, and very fast when it does so at that.
AN3: You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Illyria portrayed this way. Then again, she’s hardly ever a star, or more like a costar, in a somewhat humor piece. Oh well.
AN4: This story morphed. Really, it did. Originally it was to be a serious piece starting Buffy and Illyria in the Anitaverse, and now, well just read to see.
AN5: As to why it took so damn long for me to update, yet again. Real life sucks, some writers block due to real life sucking so much, my dog died of cancer, I took in a kitten from a friend whom SWORE that it was spade, when it wasn’t, leading me to acquiring five other new kittens when it gave birth that I’m still trying to get rid of. I am remodeling my house, yet again. I had to get a new computer. I was in a car accident. Don’t worry, I’m fine. My car, well, it was less then fine. It took over two weeks or so to get it back because the other guy’s insurance, even though they took full responsibility for my car, decided to play games. I was told I’d have had the car back in like four or five days if they hadn’t had done that. I’m having some family trouble that I do not wish to go into and also some family obligations that I also do not wish to go into. And then there’s the fact that my sister’s worried about losing her job and having to move back in with us, yet again, which I would despise. I may love my sister, but that’s when she’s not in the same state as me, myself and I. The two of us in one house together can and will only lead to bad, bad things happening. I do have something resembling a life right now, and I am just really very busy when I’m not dealing with any of the previously mentioned things. All of these things are perfectly valid reasons that all combine to make my update schedule hell. But hey, at least I got a new computer out of the whole deal, and one with double the memory and almost four times the processing speed as my old one, not to mention that it has an i5 instead of a regular dual core processing chip. Yeah that’s right, my old computer was run by a duel core, not even a duel core II or duel core II pro, but a dang duel core. I severely upgraded. I can even play games now. Joy. And I really do mean that, for, my new computer is about the only thing going well in my life right now. Sheesh.
Disclaimer: I do not own the intellectual property that is Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of its associated characters, locations, items, ideas, or anything else that may be associated with it. Those belong to each of their own respective copyright owners. I do not own the intellectual property that is anything inside of The Marvel Universe, or any of its associated characters, locations, items, ideas, or anything else that may be associated with it. Those belong to each of their own respective copyright owners. I do not own any of the intellectual properties that are any other fictional persons, places or things. Those belong to each of their own respective copyright owners. I do not own any real person, place or thing. Those belong to either themselves, in the case of a person, or their real life current true owners in case of a place or object. What I do own is any and every original person, place or thing used in here as well as the story its self. Those very few things are mine. And that’s all that ever will be mine.
OF OLD GODS AND NEW DEMONS
LOSS, MOURNING AND MORONS
Somewhere in a piece of the California desert that was currently trapped inside of a Hell Dimension
Not far from the now ruins of L.A. The diminished, yet still powerful, Old One known as Illyria was approaching a certain cave. This cave was special, in that it not only held the wreaker of the most delightful carnage that Illyria had ever had the pleasure of witnessing in all of her long years, but it held a being that was now well on its way to becoming what she used to be, a God of Gods. For in this cave was one Buffy Summers.
Illyria stepped inside the cave and cocked her head to one side, looking at the curled up and shivering form of Buffy without understanding.
“Why are you sad?” Illyria asked in puzzlement. “You have now reached a pinnacle of power that none of the other muck that you call humanity could ever even dream of. While not as powerful as my true form of course, you are as powerful if not more so then I was when I first inhabited this shell, and you are certainly superior to me now, as much as I am loath to admit it. And I can sense that you have just begun to gain your true power. So why are you sad?” Illyria asked again in her puzzlement.
Buffy looked up at Illyria not with her normal green eyes, but with eyes that were as black as pitch, voids that suckled in everything and left nothing behind. Even Illyria had to silently admit that she found the sight slightly intimidating. And strangely exciting somehow.
“She’s always said that ‘Death is My Gift’. And now I seem to be death incarnate somehow.” Buffy said with a hollow sounding voice. Then she started to laugh a laugh that one only made when one was struggling to remain sane. “But death, death can’t bring life. They’re dead. I loved them both and they’re dead. Angel, Spike, I loved them both and they both died right in front of me. And why, why did they have to die? I just came to visit them, and I find that all Hell was literally breaking lose here, and I never knew about it.” What could pass for tears appeared in Buffy’s new eyes and she cried out “And then this happened to me! I don’t really know just what has happened to me, but I was so strong, so unstoppable, and in the end, it all means nothing, for they are dead, and death cannot restore life.”
Illyria too looked like what could be tears had appeared in her eyes, and she said and then said/asked “Yes they are both dead, and my Wesley is dead as well. Why does that hurt so much? When he died, I killed. I killed and I killed, in his name, for his vengeance, but… it meant nothing in the end, for he is not here to see my triumph, to see my glory, to see me. He is dead, and even if I were at my full power, I could not bring him back. Even if I could still go back in time and stop him, and any of the others from dying, but… I would still have the memory of him dying in my arms, of my rage and fury at his death. But, as I am just a shell of my former self, I can’t even save an alternate version of him. He died, and I miss him. Why? Why do I miss him, why do I hurt, why do I feel?” Illyria wailed out.
Buffy blinked in response to this and replied “Because you loved the man.” As Illyria herself blinked in response to that statement, Buffy then quickly asked her “So, um, can you tell me just what has been going on down here and maybe just who you are?”
In Buffy’s cave: a few hours later
“Damn them!!!” Buffy cried out, furious at whomever had been taking messages at that point. “I KNOW Wills would have come to help, Hell, I’d be dragging her out here myself! Whoever was took that message is DEAD!” Buffy cried out, furious because whoever took the message that Angel needed Willow, and was then told she was too busy, made him not seek out help for the fiasco that got him, and everyone else, killed, at least in her mind. And she was probably right too.
“To kill the incompetent message taker, we will first need to escape the Hell Dimension that we now resided in.” Illyria stated.
“Yeah, I mean all of L.A. and a lot of the surround country side suddenly got pulled into where ever the hell we are now.” Buffy replied with a sigh.
Illyria cocked her head to the side and stated “I believe that we are currently in a Hell Dimension on the outskirts of the dimension that the Wolf the Ram and the Hart reside over.”
Buffy blinked and then asked Illyria “Well, let’s go meet our new neighbors.”
“Yes, and give them a, how do you say, a most proper welcome?” Illyria then semi asked of Buffy.
“Yeah, let’s be ‘bad’ neighbors’” Buffy the said with a chuckle.
“Good, for I still wish to do much violence.” Illyria stated as she smoothly stood up from her seated position.
“Amen to that.” Was all that Buffy said in reply as she stood as well.
An eternity or two later: In the dimension that was formally ruled by the Wolf, the Ram and the Hart
“Lilly” Buffy called out
“What is it, and what must I do to stop you from calling me that infernal name” Illyria asked with a sigh.
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but that big black swirly thing over there is a dimensional portal right?”
Illyria blinked while looking over to where Buffy was pointing and then said “I do believe that you are correct.”
“So, you want to take it? I mean we’ve been stuck in this ruined dimension forever.” Buffy asked with a whine at the end of her statement.
“The odds certainly would favor that where ever this portal leads would be a better place than this.” Illyria replied.
“So that’s a yes?” Buffy then asked.
“Yes, that’s a yes.” Illyria then replied with a sigh.
“Goody! Let’s go!” Buffy then shouted while rushing the portal.
“Hey, wait for me!” Illyria then shouted out as she rushed after Buffy.
Ney York, New York, outside of the Avengers’ Mansion
George Mayson was and idiot. Oh, he had a lot going for himself, good looks, wealth, a moderate amount of magical ability, but overall, he was a moron. Take what he was currently doing for example… “THOR!!! I CALL YOU OUT THOR” Yes, he was standing in front of the Avengers’ Mansion while shouting out for Thor to come see him. And why? Well, because he wanted to kill Thor. Seriously.
Finally, the God of Thunder showed up and asked “Yes?”
“You ruined my brother’s life Thor! Prepare to face an enemy that even a God cannot defeat!” and with that, a portal opened up exactly where the Mansion’s gate used to be.
And to be honest with you, my dear readers, Thor did not really ruin George’s brother’s life so much as he had put him behind bars for attempting to, and idiotically at that, steal Thor’s godly powers. The spell George’s Brother Abel used was nowhere near the correct one, for all it did was give everyone in New York City a bad rash for a day. Abel was the even more moronic brother of the two.
After a few moments pause, George asked “Um, so, what’s taking so long?” When suddenly a small Blond haired woman came rushing out of the portal, closely followed by a blue haired woman that was only slightly larger.
“Well, shit.” George said “What the hell went wrong!?!” He cried out as he flipped through a big black spell book that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere “Damn it, I was trying to summon the personification of Death itself!” He shouted while Thor just stood there and blinked in shock.
“You have gotten her then.” Illyria said while pointing at Buffy.
“That’s so not true Lilly, and you know it!” Buffy shouted back.
Illyria just sighed in resignation and asked “Then just what are your domains again?”
Buffy then sighed and said “Killing, murder and death.”
“See, then he got what he was looking for.” Illyria stated.
“So, it’s not like I like being the Demoness Goddess of Death.” Buffy then said with a pout.
“That does not stop you from being such.” Illyria then replied in a superior tone.
“Yes! I got the spell RIGHT!!!” George shouted out in glee! “Death! I command you and whomever your companion is to KILL THOR!!!” George then shouted at Buffy while dramatically, well, in his mind anyways, pointing at Thor.
“Um, I’m going to have to go with a big old no on that.” Buffy replied while looking at him like he was crazy. Which he wasn’t. He was just an idiot.
“You do not even address me, and you command me muck? You dare to tell ME what to do? Even if the young Godling over there looks like he could be somewhat of an amusement to battle, I will not do so for your benefit.” Illyria said while taking a menacing step towards George.
“Lilly, cool it. Now just what is going on here, hmm?”
Illyria grimaced and the asked “Can’t I just maim him a little?”
“Maybe after we find out what’s going on.” Buffy replied with a tilt of her head.
“He!” George said while pointing at Thor, “Ruined my brother’s life!”
“No, your brother did that all by himself.” A man in a flying mechanical suit stated while he hovered over the small not yet conflict. “He tried to become a god by stealing Thor here’s godly essence, and instead he gave everyone in New Your City the worst head to toe rash ever seen by anyone ever.”
“He got the spell mixed up with the one on the other page.” George shouted back.
Buffy then blinked in shock and then calmly stated “Lilly, you may maim now.”
“Excellent.” Illyria replied while cracking her knuckles.
And now, we shall leave this scene of pain and suffering for a time. But we will be back.
EAN1: Ah, I know, yet another new fic by me. In all honest honesty, today I am working on whatever strikes my fancy whenever it strikes my fancy, and posting it when it’s done. So maybe I’ll post more stuff on my other fics later, or maybe not, I’m just trying to shake off the dust from my writing skills right now is all.