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Improbable Xander

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Summary: My obligitary YAHF. Xander can't find anything except a Joker costume. Only the dyes are all wrong.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Games > Other GenreGantithorenFR1311,739053,21318 Oct 1018 Oct 10Yes
I don't own BtVS, someone by the name of Joss Whedon does. Nor do I own Improbable Island CavemanJoe does.

Xander groaned as a kid snatched up the last fake rifle from the bin. Now what? He had $10 to pay for his costume... If he wanted to go without snacks for the rest of the week. Even with the sale going on, it was unlikely that he could anything that cheap.

"Ugh. Now what am I going to do?" He muttered to himself. Shrugging, he turned to join the girls, and nearly ran into a middle aged brit. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you there," Xander apologized automatically.

"Not a problem. I noticed you were upset so I wondered if I could help any," The man smiled winningly. "I'm Ethan Rayne, The proprietor of this store. It just wouldn't do for someone to be unhappy with my store when I can help them, now would it?"

Xander nodded agreeably. "I understand, but I'm not sure there's much you can do. I'm sort of broke at the moment, and managed scrape together the bits and pieces for a costume, but you're out of the props I need to finish it off."

"Ah," Ethan said. "I see your problem. I do have some... Oddities. People might buy them, so I can't let them go now, but if you stop by in an hour or two we might be able to work out a deal."

Xander thanked the man before joining Buffy and Willow who were fawning over a noblewoman's dress. He listened to them argue before suppressing a snort of disgust. Deadboy. Of course. Why did the two of most intelligent women he knew have their brains turn to mush at the mere mention of that... thing?

"It was originally supposed to be... Hang on, I've got the name tag around here somewhere..." Ethan trailed off, before picking the list up. "A fellow known as The Joker. There was a bit of an accident with the dyes, however. It was supposed to be a dark purple. Instead... well, just look at it."

It was a nice three piece suit, or at least a decent approximation of one. It was bright red instead of any of the more traditional colors. There was a top hat next to it, also bright red.

"I'd be grateful if you took it off my hands. I'm willing to give a hefty discount so that I can begin to recoup my losses on this thing."

Xander nodded agreeably before handing over the money required, and taking the suit.

On his way home he contemplated what he was going to go as. A benevolent version of The Joker sounded like fun, but it was lacking something... a refinement, perhaps? A benevolent Joker... perhaps being a Joker was more a type of Meta-human then a unique quirk of an individual psychopath. Yes, that might work...

Willow pulled herself off the ground and looked around to find out what was going on. Okay, all the children who she was escorting had turned into monsters, and were terrorizing the old lady... Wait what?! Taking another look she found that yes, the children had all turned into their costumes, as had she.

"Buffy! I need to get Buffy!" Willow exclaimed, running off leaving behind a sheet covered body.

In her desperate search for Buffy she came across Xander and called out to him...

This was most certainly not AceHigh, Ganti reflected. In fact, it didn't look like anywhere on The Island with the possible exception of Improbable Central. 'Course, even that den of danger and depravity had walls to keep the monsters out, and whatever this place was didn't have any. Which in turn explained the tiny little monsters trying to eat him. Well, it was either that or the Drive got off the Island and was tormenting the mainland, which explained why the place looked nothing like the Outposts. The Watcher would want it brought back immediately. And what The Watcher wants, The Watcher gets.

"And I'M the best they could grab, eh?" Ganti asked himself. "They must be really desperate."

"XAANDEER!" came a call, jolting him out of his thoughts. Looking in the direction he heard the call from, he saw a redhead in a skimpy suit running towards him. Looking behind him, he didn't see anyone.

"Are you talking to me?" He asked the girl. "My name's not Xander, and there isn't any one else here. I think. Anyway, If I'm here, It's likely Horatio has escaped and The Watcher" The words hovered in the air, glowing red, and thunder crashed in the background "will want him back. What The Watcher" Again the words glowed and thunder crashed in the background "wants, The Watcher" Words and thunder again "gets."

Willow gawked at this display then shook her head.

"Not you too!" She wailed. "Everyone's been turned into their costumes! We don't have time for this nonsense! We need to find Buffy!"

"If everyone has been turned into their costume, wouldn't she have been too? And this Xander your looking for would be too. It's really pointless to bother me about them. I'm supposed to stay on The Island anyway."

"Xander, you didn't have a costume! It was just a red suit!"

"Well, he must have thought of it as a costume for me to be here. If I'm in his body like you claim," Ganti frowned briefly. "This means I must have either passed out or vanished. Neither will make The Watcher happy with me. I'd best get this mess over with quickly if I'm to stay in her good graces at all. Let's find this Buffy your talking about." With that he turned on his heel and walked off. Willow had just begun to follow him when she noticed that he seemed to be producing music without a visible source. When he began to sing, it didn't sound anything like him at all.

"He had a thousand ideas, you might have heard his name
He lived alone with his vision
Not looking for fortune or fame
Never said too much to speak of
He was off on another plane
The words that he said were a mystery
Nobody's sure he was sane
But he knew, he knew more than me or you
No one could see his view, Oh where was he going to"

Spike had been having a good day. He'd cornered the Slayer, who was all nice and helpless, and had scared off his poof of a grandsire. Then Droopy had shown up and everything went... bizarre. First he was dressed in a suit. A nice suit. Oh, and he had glowing eyes. Those were just the things relating to his appearance! When he opened his mouth thing took a turn past bizarre and went for absurd. Droopy sang. Constantly. Not only did he sing, music played from nowhere to accompany him. Then it went from absurd to surreal. Teleportation in clouds of green confetti was common, and he was able to pull a pitcher full of a glowing green liquid from nowhere for a "snack break". When Jack, a local boy with some talent decided he didn't like being ignored things went to surreal to horrifying. Whatever Droopy became, it was hardly helpless. This was demonstrated when he tore Jack's head off like it was tissue paper. The rest of the gang charged him, positively eager to rend him limb from limb and proving that they were recruited more for muscle than brains. Normally that would have put down just about anyone but the Slayer. This time it just produced a lot of dust followed up by Droopy looking at the dead security camera expectantly. Spike used this opportunity to sneak off, leaving the Slayer and her pals behind.

"Spikey?" Dru called him. "Did you escape the Kansas Joker?"

"Barely," Spike answered her. "Odd fellow he was. Wouldn't bloody stop singing."

"You didn't insult the songs, did you?" Bloody odd question for her to ask.

"I think I said that they were getting annoying."

"Oh dear."

"What do you mean, Dru my p" Spike was cut off by music and song, causing Drusilla to look horrified. The sound of two dusting vamps was drowned out by Kansas's hit song "Carry on Wayward Son".

"So were there any... Ah, lasting effects from your... adventure last night?" Giles asked the gang as they assembled in the library the next morning.

"I can speak french now," Buffy offered with a shrug. "Class is going to be a cinch to pass now!"

"Nothing," came Willows reply.

When Xander didn't say anything they looked at him expectantly. He was dressed in the same suit as last night, which had retained it's transformation from cheap look alike to top quality.

"Xander?" Giles prompted gently, only to receive a grin laced with a fair bit of madness, set beneath glowing eyes. A puff of green confetti and he was gone, leaving only an echoing refrain in his place.

"There's a reason for all that rhymes, it's the fact and the way of the times
It's moving emotion, it's high and it's low, no matter where you go
There is something for all who look, there's a story in every book
All of the pages, between all the lines, so much that you can find
But there's too many empty lives my friend
And we just can't let them waste away
For this life is a precious thing my friend
And we just can't wait another day"

AN: Yeah, This was originally going to be much shorter, just a quick one shot to get it out of my head and maybe start a collection of plot bunny type things. It sort of took off, however. Jokers are one of the most interesting races on the island and have all sorts of weird powers. A decent catch phrase for them is "Nothing is impossible, just really, really improbable." Actually that's a good one for the whole game. The character Xander dressed as is my character from Improbable Island. I'm not high enough ranked to have Ganti qualify as a Joker yet, but if and when I do, this is probably going to be how he acts. Execpt he's going to be a lot more benevolent when he can afford it. He's already singing Kansas constantly, however.
The url is below.

The End

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