“YOU SENT HER OFF WITH A VAMPIRE!”
Seras blinked lightly as the shout echoed through the mansion, looking up from her cards to where Lilith had visibly perked up.
“Master’s home!” Grinning evilly, the petite succubus launched herself forward, grabbing hold of Seras’ arm and dragging her in the direction of the voice. “Come on!”
“Wait, wot?!” Seras yelped at Lilith’s surprisingly strong grip, her whole body being dragged along helplessly. “Hey! I can bloody well walk on my own!”
“Yes, but you’d stay here, hiding if I didn’t drag you along,” Lilith said smugly as she pulled the protesting vampire along with her.
Settling for a glare at Lilith, Seras did her best to keep up with the succubus’ brisk pace before she found herself standing in the foyer, watching a dark haired teen, several years younger than her, yelling at a blonde version of Morrigan that looked roughly his age.
“And we've been over this. Yes, I did. A vampire cursed with a soul who practically radiates the whole 'woe is me, I am of the damned' self-pity party,” Morrigan said with a roll of her eyes and a sigh of frustration. “Really, we’ve been over this. Must we yell in front of the children?”
Xander blinked and then paused as he saw a smirking Lilith and a bewildered looking girl he didn’t know with crimson eyes. “Oh, heya and a preemptive: No, Lilith, you cannot break out the knee socks and plaid skirt for spankings.”
“Who said I was thinking of anything at all, Master?” Lilith put on her best innocent smile as she batted her eye lashes back at him.
“… I will eventually have a comeback for that,” Xander said with a grunt before turning and looking at Seras with a wave. “Hey. I’m Xander.”
Seras blinked, then blinked again as she stared at the teen before looking at a smirking Lilith. “He’s the master?”
“Yup,” Lilith agreed with a happy nod of her head.
“I was expecting… more Master Alucard, less Gomer Pyle,” Seras said as immediately all eyes turned on her. “Wot?”
“Gomer Pyle?” Lilith repeated, as she stared at Seras. “Did you just compare my Master to Gomer Pyle…?”
“Um, yesssss…?” Seras agreed warily.
“Master, see what you’re doing to your reputation?!” Lilith whirled around, her eyes bright, wide and pleading. “Do you really want to do this to yourself?!”
“… Um, considering I’ve already answered that question as an emphatic yes, repeatedly?” Xander blinked a moment, then tilted his head to the side as he glanced over at Seras. “I think that would make the answer kinda obvious, ya know?”
“It could,” Seras agreed as she couldn’t help the slight little quirk of amusement that tugged on her lips.
“So, you’re…?” He paused as he felt his eyes immediately gravitating towards the sizable assets on the girl’s chest. “Whoo-humina! And I thought Cordelia had a nice pair.”
Morrigan and Lilith both blinked at Xander before their eyes simultaneously narrowed into slits. “What about me?!”
He blinked a moment, glancing from Morrigan to Lilith then back before slowly shrugging his shoulders. “Well, have either of you actually met Cordelia?”
“It’s generally not too polite to compare a girl’s… assets to another girl’s,” Seras said with a light blush curling over her cheeks as she struggled to glare at Xander.
“Eh, they’ll get over it eventually,” he said before glancing around. “Where’s Al hiding now?”
“Wasn’t he…” Morrigan glanced behind them, before blinking slightly then frowning as she found the mideon nowhere to be seen. “He was right here.”
“… I think I’ll state the obvious here: This can’t be good,” Xander said simply as he looked around a moment, before shrugging softly. “Ah well.”
“… Ah well?” Seras repeated as she stared at Xander, blinking owlishly. “But…”
“Do you know how hard it is to distract him?” Xander demanded as he looked at Seras. “Now I just have to make sure Willow’s safe.”
“You do realize you’re being horribly rude, don’t you, Master?” Morrigan asked pointedly as she arched a brow. “You haven’t even let yourself be properly introduced to your new pet.”
“Again, vampire with Willow in his clutches takes priority!” Xander paused a moment before looking at Seras pointedly. “I’m sure you’re a nice monster girl, really, I am, but right now I have to go make sure my best friend is safe. We’ll do the whole introductions and mutual grumbling about what kind of ass Al is for sticking us in this situation later.”
Then he pointedly turned around and stormed back out the door.
Seras blinked, then blinked again, before looking from Lilith to Morrigan. “… Wot the ‘ell was that?”
“Don’t worry,” Lilith said with a giggle, “You get used to it.”
“You do realize you're overreacting,” Morrigan stated as she floated through the air next to him.
“I am not overreacting,” Xander stated firmly as he kept walked steadily forward. “You sent her off with a vampire!”
“You have a pet vampire now, remember?” she pointed out with a bemused chuckle while still floating lazily through the air next to him.
“I have a pet mideon,” he clarified as he glared at her, “not a god damned piece of animated trash jerked about by a demon!”
“You've spent entirely too much time hanging around Al,” she stated simply with a melodramatic sigh. “Really, Master, do you trust me so little?”
“Do you really think I trust him?” he countered back as he gave her a look.
“Really, you think he would go and ruin any kind of compassion for him by hurting her?” she countered back. “He is a foolish little creature, yes, but really, I'm simply expecting him to look out for his own self interests.”
“Vampire self-interests,” he countered.
“Souled vampire self-interests,” she responded simply.
“Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, a host of other human serial killers with souls,” Xander snapped back as he gave her a look.
“Maybe, maybe not, who knows if they really did have them,” she shrugged her shoulders a bit. “This one, though, feels guilty.”
“I feel guilty about all the junk food I eat, doesn't mean I won't eat it,” Xander shot back.
“He does make a very compelling argument,” a bright white smile plastered upon a depth of shadow noted.
“You just want blood and violence,” Morrigan stated with a long suffering sight.
“Everyone wants blood and violence,” Alucard stated as he stepped out of the darkness, his eyes shining. “I just admit it.”
“I don't,” Morrigan stated as she lifted up her chin defiantly.
“Sex and violence isn't that much different,” Xander noted, before looking at Alucard. “Where are they?”
“Where are whom?” Alucard asked without skipping a beat, grin widening slightly.
“You know exactly who I'm referring to,” Xander growled lightly. “Where are Willow and the piece of trash?”
“Oh, them,” Alucard nodded his head a bit. “I remember seeing them.”
“Normally, I'd do the whole banter thing, but right now I really just need to make sure that my best friend is still all right,” Xander stated, before he growled out, his eyes flashing angrily. “Where are they, Alucard?”
“My, Little Diamond, you seem a bit... upset,” Alucard noted as he lightly tapped a white glove on his chin. “Are you thinking of blood and violence right now?”
“Very much so,” Xander agreed with narrowed eyes.
“Against me?” Alucard almost looked hurt as he stuck out his lower lip in a pout.
“Upon you,” Xander agreed with narrowed eyes. “With a shovel.”
“Ah, very sensible and efficient,” Alucard agreed. “A shame you don't have one.”
“Where. Are. They?!” he demanded with a growl as he stepped towards Alucard.
“... Should he be doing that?” a familiar voice asked from behind him, causing him to immediately stiffen.
“... No, he really, really shouldn't,” agreed a strained but familiar voice.
“... You knew they were there. Didn't you.” Xander accused as he glared back at Alucard.
“Of course we did,” Morrigan stated with a roll of her eyes. “Why would we tell you when it's more amusing to let you bring out that… mmm, wonderful side of you?”
“... Xander, Morrigan, please apologize to him and slowly back away,” Angel stated in a strained voice. “This is... very, very bad.”
“... I hate you so very much.” Xander stated flatly.
“Dammit, Xander, this isn't the time to hold a grudge against me! I'm trying to help you!” Angel said angrily as he glared lightly at the boy. “He is not someone you want upset with you!”
“I wasn't talking to you, demonic trash,” Xander stated flatly as he didn't even look back at Angel. “Though I really don't particularly like you.”
Willow blinked a moment in confusion while Angel turned pale before looking nervously from her best friend to Angel, “Um, Xander? I think you, ya know, you might want to kind of listen to him?”
In response, Alucard grinned in anticipation before his head knocked back slightly when Xander's fix smashed into his nose with a sharp snap.
“Feel better now?” Alucard asked in amusement as his nose twisted a moment before practically springing back into its proper position, “Morrigan, dear, you really should teach him how to throw a proper punch.”
“Yes, I know, it's practically painful watching him do that.” Morrigan admitted with a sigh.
“Hilarious,” Xander stated flatly.
“No, I'm being quite serious. It should be like this,” Morrigan stated as, in one motion, she turned towards Alucard and punched him straight in the nose. “See? I kept my joints from locking and I moved along a single plane.”
“That was a much better punch,” Alucard agreed with a nod of his head. “Is it my turn now?”
“Sure, you can punch the trash with a soul,” Xander stated simply before turning around and looking at Willow and Angel. “Willow, I would really prefer it if you stepped away from the vampire.”
“... What vampire?” Willow asked in confusion staring back at Xander in disbelief. “What's going on? What're... you shouldn't just be hitting people, Xander!”
“I'm not,” Xander stated simply before jerking his thumb at Al. “That's not people.”
Willow just stared at him before she crossed her arms about her chest and gave him a look.
“He's not!” Xander quickly protested, raising up his arms.
Alucard took the opportunity to appear in front of Angel, fist cocked back and an inhumanly large grin on his face. Angel barely had time to try to raise his hands up in defense before he struck. With a wet crack Angel was sent flipping backwards off the sidewalk as he smashed into a car, flipped over it and then smacked his skull on the asphalt of the road.
“You're losing your touch, Al,” Morrigan noted dispassionately. “He barely went twenty feet.”
“I got the angle wrong,” Alucard admitted with a shrug. “He was supposed to be more bouncy, too. Too much hair gel, I think.”
“Angel!” Willow yelled before quickly running over to the fallen man. “Are you... all...right?”
Angel's neck was at an unnatural angle, his body twisted slightly leg askew, arms splayed out as he lay there, completely motionless.
“He, he's not breathing! You, you killed him!” Willow shrieked, eyes wide, trembling as she stared horrified at Alucard.
“No, I didn't,” Alucard declared primly with a slight huff. “Why, I've never been so insulted in the last five years! Really, a completely intact corpse? I never!”
“... You, you monster!” Willow declared. This declaration had the side effect of the police car that had been slowing down to stop, suddenly pick up speed and speed past her.
“Why, yes, I am!” Alucard agreed, his grin growing inhumanly wide again, displaying brilliant white and rather pointed teeth. “With such big eyes and teeth too!”
“Al, stop trying to scare her,” Xander stated with a sigh and a shake of his head. “Willow, Angel isn't dead. Well, he's not anymore dead than he was before Al punched him.”
“He's NOT BREATHING, XANDER!” she almost screamed at him as she pointed at his neck. “Can you even see his neck?! His body!?”
“Must you be so overdramatic?” Morrigan asked with a roll of her eyes as she strolled over to Angel's body. “It's rather unattractive.”
Holding up a cross on a string of rosary, she waved it about in front of Willow's eyes before lowering it enough for the cross to fall carelessly across Angel's cheek. Instantly a gurgling hiss left Angel's lips as his face twisted and deformed as yellow eyes flashed open and he tried to push up then flopped back down. Letting out startled squeak, Willow quickly scrambled away from Angel's body.
“See? Just like he said, not anymore dead than he was before,” Morrigan stated as she shrugged her shoulders a bit. “I believe you owe him an apology.”
“And you were both right,” Alucard added with that same, bloodthirsty grin. “I'm not people. I'm a monster.”
“But then you do seem to surround yourself with them, don't you, Alexander?” Morrigan noted as she slipped up behind Xander and lightly wrapped herself around him from behind as he looked down at Willow with a mix of confusion, worry and vindication.
Willow whimpered once before her eyes rolled back into her head and she fainted.
“Well, that went well,” Alucard noted before he pulled out one of his pistols and lightly started to prod the helpless Angel. “You know, I'm trying to decide if I should shoot you or if it will be more amusing to let that fear devour you whole, wondering just how much longer your borrowed time can last.”
“What did you two just do?” Xander demanded after a moment as he gave the pair a glare.
“Do? Us?” Alucard asked simply.
“Whatever could you be talking about?” Morrigan asked as she then glanced down at the still struggling and groaning Angel. “Oh, look, he’s still trying to get up.”
“Can I shoot him? Just a little? He won’t even miss a few toes!” Alucard asked hopefully
“No,” Morrigan stated simply.
“Why not!?” Alucard and Xander both demanded in unison.
“Because he did take care of your friend, didn’t he?” Morrigan pointed out as she gestured towards the unconscious Willow before tapping her lower lip. “At least he did until she went and fainted. She really should work on that.”
“You both just… gah!” Xander stared at them as he gestured. “With the ambushing, and the punching and the clinging all so very naughty like! And now you won’t even shoot him?!”
“Does he deserve to be shot?” Morrigan countered.
“He’s a vampire! A vampire that makes with the whole dark and mysterious stranger spiel and does things with the crypticness!” Xander protested firmly.
“And look at him. Why, he couldn’t even handle a bit of Al’s fun,” Morrigan stated simply. “He wasn’t even trying hard and he already went and broke him.”
“He’s going to get better, though,” Xander pointed out.
“Well, yes,” Morrigan admitted, “but it’s not like this has to be a one-time occurrence.”
Angel’s eyes widened fearfully as Xander lightly stroked his chin in thought. Next to her, Alucard lightly tapped his chin. “Well, I do need to practice my punches again.”
Three sets of eyes turned to Angel speculatively, causing the vampire to let out a gurgling whimper.
“Someone will have to get him home,” Xander stated simply. “In the meantime, I’m getting Willow home. You two have fun that.”
As he leaned down and picked up his unconscious friend and started walking.
“Well, have fun with your new play toy, Alucard. I have to make sure they’re safe. You understand, don’t you?” Morrigan quickly stated before lightly jogging after Xander.
“Well, it looks like it’s just the two of us now, hmm?” Alucard noted as he could smell the terror rolling off the helpless vampire in front of him. “Don’t worry… I’ll be gentle!” There was a pause, “Well, no, not really, but I won’t purposely leave you missing anything. Accidents do happen, though!”
With a laugh, Alucard grabbed hold of Angel and the two of them vanished into a deep swell of shadows.
Xander sighed as he carefully laid Willow out on her bed, then turned his head and glared again at Morrigan, “You…”
“Hmm?” Morrigan tilted her head to the side and lightly trailed her finger down her throat before almost elegantly bringing it down her chest, “Me?”
“Yes, you,” he stated again.
“I fail to see why you’re so upset. She’s fine,” Morrigan stated with a roll of her eyes. “We weren’t going to let her get into any real danger.”
“You sent her off with a vampire without telling me,” Xander repeated stonily as he glared at her. “Without telling me that he was a vampire until after he had been with her for too damned long. How the hell did you expect me to react?”
“To at least give me a little bit of trust that I think I’ve earned, Master,” she responded as she arched a brow up. “Have I done something that caused you to distrust me?”
“… You tricked me into becoming your Master,” he stated flatly.
“I invested my entire future in your hands,” she responded simply as she crossed her arms about her chest then lightly looked away. “Perhaps you’ve forgotten but, despite how we act, I am completely at your mercy. Remember?”
Xander grimaced as he looked away, “Don’t remind me.”
Morrigan looked back and rolled her eyes slightly, “Oh, yes, poor you. You have a succubus that can prefers to live as two separate entities and a busty mideon as your pets. Poor, poor Alexander. He gets to live in a mansion, wear nice clothes and can have mind blowing sex whenever he wants.”
There was a pause and he just looked back at her.
“What? You’re the one that’s complaining about living out most teenagers’ dream,” she stated simply. “Stop being so stubborn and enjoy it.”
“I shall never surrender to your temptations so easily!” Xander declared firmly, shifting around and pointing his finger at her. “I shall fight to the bitter end!”
“Oh, Xander, I can promise you that the end will be anything but bitter,” she stated in a slow, husky drawl as she leaned in and simply let her hot breath tease against his skin. “I absolutely promise that.”
“… Xander…?” Willow’s voice cut in, causing Morrigan’s eye to twitch slightly. “What happened? How did I get home?”
“What I want to know is how she knew to wait until now to wake up,” Morrigan muttered under her breath with a twisting frown.
“Hey, Wills,” Xander said with a forced cheer. “You kinda fainted so I had to come and bring you home. You had a rough night, I think.”
“I…” Willow looked uncertain for a moment before she registered Morrigan and a frown crossed her face, “What’s she doing here?”
“Helping him bring you home after you fainted,” Morrigan stated in a deadpan. “And talking to him.”
“I…” she frowned, recollection starting to filter through her thoughts, and she then glared sullenly back at the blonde before turning her attention to Xander, “You let that guy hurt Angel.”
Xander blinked a moment, then looked back at Willow, “Do you not remember the part where he burned when the cross touched his cheek and he vamped out?”
“He was nice,” Willow stated with a light glare at him. “He bought me ice cream.”
“Still a vampire,” he stated again.
“He was a nice vampire though!” she insisted.
Morrigan rolled her eyes a bit and gave him a look, “I told you that she was fine, but did you believe me? No.”
“Still a vampire,” Xander stated stubbornly.
“Cursed what a soul,” Morrigan pointed out, before pausing. “Of course the curse could be broken and he’d go back to just being another demon, but those generally those aren’t going to happen save for an exceptionally unlikely event.”
“I know my luck. I do not want to push it,” Xander stated flatly.
“He’s still a nice vampire,” Willow stated as she crossed her arms about her chest. “He didn’t deserve being hurt like that!”
“He’ll heal,” Xander stated simply. “And what he got was better than he would’ve gotten if Morrigan hadn’t stopped Al from playing with him even more.”
“You’re welcome, by the way,” Morrigan stated simply with a bemused smirk on her lips.
“I…” Willow frowned and then looked at Xander. “You should apologize to him.”
Xander froze for a moment, and stared at his surviving best friend incredulously, “Apologize to that trash!?”
“Xander! Stop being a… a… meanie!” Willow stated as she glared at him. “He is not trash!”
“Yes, he is,” he insisted. “He is a demon animating a corpse that’s been dead who knows how many years, that just happens to be cursed by who knows what to have a soul. Even then, he’s…”
“Xander,” Morrigan said with a cough, “I don’t think she would appreciate Al’s reasoning on what he is.”
“His reasoning isn’t wrong,” Xander countered back.
“Yes it is!” Willow disagreed. “He’s a person!”
“… He’s a vampire, that’s not a person. That’s a thing pretending to be a person,” Xander stated flatly.
“How can you say that!?” Willow asked as she stared horrified at Xander.
“Because to make a vampire the body has to die and then they bring a demon in to occupy it,” Xander responded back. “It looks like the person, it talks like the person, but it is not a person; it is a god damned demon that feeds on people! Don’t you remember the Harvest? Or why Buffy has to do what she does?!”
She flinched at that and then squared her shoulders, “He’s not like that! He acts nice and normal!”
“So did Jesse after he was turned,” Xander responded angrily. “Right up until he tried to kill and eat me.”
Willow’s mouth clicked shut as she stared at him, her eyes wide as she stared back at him, unshed tears glistening and ready to fall.
“… I need to clear my head, again,” Xander stated simply before walking towards the door. “Next time you want to run off, Wills, can you please, ya know, try and make sure it’s in the day time and not in the middle of a place that could be crawling with vampires?”
He didn’t quite wait for her to acknowledge his words as he then walked out without another word.
“… Well, I can’t say you made his night,” Morrigan noted with a shake of her head. “Ah well, I’m sure he’ll be fine by tomorrow. Have a good night, I have to make sure he gets home without any problems.”
Morrigan then turned and sauntered off, her hips swaying in a way that Willow instinctively followed, even as her red face somehow grew a shade darker.
Seras was wondering when her new companion was going to drive her bonkers. It had been if she was going to do it, but she had moved past that point some time back. Unfortunately, the bouncy little lolita succubus was the only company she had currently.
She just wouldn’t bloody well leave her alone.
“So soft,” Lilith purred as she nuzzled against Seras’ chest.
And she was a damned pervert.
“I told you to get the bloody hell off of me!” Seras demanded as she shoved the succubus off once again.
“But it’s so nice and comfortable!” Lilith said with a pout as she looked back at her. “We should get used to sharing!”
“I’m not sharing that!” Seras insisted, blushing furiously as she covered her chest with her arms to block the succubus from trying again.
“Fu! What’s the point in having a busty fellow pet with such a soft, inviting chest if I can’t dive in?!” Lilith demanded with a pout as she hovered in the air and stuck her lower lip out at Seras.
“Insane bloody pervert,” Seras muttered as she continued to glare at the succubus.
“Get used to it,” a new voice cut in as Xander tiredly walked in and gave the pair a look. “What did she do this time?”
“She’s trying to use my…” Seras flushed brightly as she moved her arms more pointedly over her chest, “She keeps…”
“Ah, right,” Xander stated with a blush of his own, before sending a light glare at Lilith. “Bad Lilith.”
“I’m sorry, Master,” Lilith agreed as she smiled innocently back at him. “Next time I’ll wait for you to be here to watch.”
“… I shouldn’t be surprised,” he stated with a sigh before walking over to a nearby seat and dropping down into it with a groan. “I really, truly shouldn’t. Sorry about her, she’s… well…”
“A bloody menace?” Seras supplied as she kept her glare on Lilith, who just smiled back at her.
“Welcome to my life,” Xander dead panned with a groan and a shake of his head. “Morrigan and Lilith are almost more trouble then they’re worth.”
“Almost?” Lilith asked leadingly, with a smirk on his face.
“Yes, almost,” Xander agreed. “So far the expression on Giles’ face and Jesse’s soul have been worth it.”
Lilith pouted back at him at that.
“So, you’re my new… Master?” Seras put forth hesitantly as she slowly eyed the boy in front of her.
He was only a few years younger than him but there was something… off about him.
“Unfortunately,” Xander agreed with a slight nod of his head. “I tried to talk Al out of it but he’s stubborn and guilted me into it.
“… Al?” Seras repeated as she stared at Xander. “You call him Al?”
“It’s his name,” Xander stated with a shrug. “What else would I call him?”
“… Sir Hellsing mainly called him ‘vampire’ and ‘monster’,” she admitted.
“Yes, well, Sir Integra gets called a ‘bony ass prude’ by my monster,” Xander stated with a shrug.
Seras stared back at Xander in open-mouthed horror. “Wot?!”
“It’s true; she also makes a lot of insinuations about her intimacy with her firearm,” Xander agreed, watching the look of absolute horror only grew upon her features. “Right to her face in fact. I’m pretty sure Al has it on tape, too.”
Her jaw hanging, Seras just stared back at him.
“Al, of course, insists that it’s not bony, merely delightfully tight,” Xander continued as he apparently ignored Seras’ expression. “Usually he doesn’t protest any further than that.”
Lilith reached over and waved a hand in front of Seras’ face, noting the complete and utter lack of reaction. “I think you broke her, Master.”
“Well, that was kind of the point,” Xander noted. “If she gets this way from just me telling her that, imagine how she’ll react when things start getting weird.”
“Ah, inoculation?” Lilith noted with a nod of her head before calmly burying her face in Seras’s chest and nuzzling happily.
“… Lilith, didn’t I tell you to stop that?” Xander asked as he fought down his blush.
“No, you told me: ‘Bad Lilith’ and I told you I’d wait until you could watch the next time I did it,” Lilith responded happily as she enjoyed the frozen mideon’s chest.
Xander stared a moment before sighing, “You know, I was threatening to make Morrigan be a maid for a week.”
Lilith paused a moment as she looked back in Xander’s direction with a distant look on her face, “Mmm… no, that wouldn’t do, she’d make a much better cocktail waitress.”
“I was thinking of having you spend a week as a nun,” Xander stated flatly.
“Oooh, kinky, Master!” Lilith said with an eager nod of her head. “You spoil me! A whole week to corrupt a covenant?!”
“… I was referring to a week of heavy, thick, shapeless robes and no kinkiness at all,” Xander said with a cough.
“Where’s the fun in that?” she shot back as she shifted around and rested her head back against Seras’ bosoms, looking up at the mideon and lightly poking her on the nose. “Going to wake up, monster girl?”
“… Da fuq?” Seras stated simply as she stared down at Lilith.
“I think she’s still getting there,” Xander noted before sighing softly and shaking his head. “And stop trying to distract me, Lilith.”
“Hmmm? Distract you?” Lilith asked innocently still happily nestled in Seras’ chest.
“… When she punches you through the wall, I’m going to congratulate her,” Xander stated flatly before shaking his head. “I’m going to bed now.”
“Ooh, that sounds like a great idea!” Lilith stated with an eager grin on her face as she pulled away from Seras.
“… Alone,” Xander stated flatly and shook his head as he walked away.
“Fuuu,” Lilith crossed her arms about her chest. “I’ll get you yet, Master. I’ll get you yet.”
“… Da fuq?” Seras repeated.
“… You really need to get over this, monster girl,” Lilith stated with a roll of her eyes.
“Hello, Ripper,” Alucard stated cheerfully as he appeared in the library. “Have a fun night?”
“Alucard,” Giles stated with a sigh as he looked over his glasses at his guest. “Am I to take it this is going to be some kind of reoccurring theme with you?”
“Most likely,” Alucard admitted with a broad grin and a nod. “Master has forbidden me from harassing most people. Watchers aren’t covered under that blanket command.”
“Would it have stopped you even if we were?” Giles asked with a sigh as he put aside his pen from his journal and looked fully at the mideon.
“Well, no, not really,” Alucard admitted with a broadened grin. “I just wanted to know something, though.”
“Doesn’t Hellsing have its own resources for you to exploit?”
“Master doesn’t like asking the researchers anything,” Alucard admitted. “They tend to get snippy when I correct them. Like they keep insisting that the Grim Reaper doesn’t exist.”
Giles stared at him for a moment, pondering if there was an appropriate way for him to respond to that before his shoulders slumped and he asked, “What do you want to know, Alucard?”
“Did you know that this is a two hundred odd year piece of trash?” Alucard asked cheerfully as he somehow produced Angel’s still relatively broken body from a swell of darkness and deposited it on the library
“Good Lord!” Giles jumped slightly at the appearance before looking back at Alucard. “What did you do to him!?”
“I punched him,” Alucard admitted. “Morrigan and I were showing Little Diamond how to properly throw a punch. It was almost painful to see how he was punching me.”
“Do I even want to know why Xander was punching you?” Giles paused a moment before shaking his head and pinching his nose, “Right, of course, foolish question. No, I don’t.”
“We tricked him into showing more of himself to his little friend, Willow, than he wanted to,” Alucard stated unrepentantly before lightly shaking the gurgling Angel. “So, did you know this was a demonically animated corpse?”
“No, but how is this something that would be more shocking to me than your relationship to Xander?” Giles asked as he pulled off his glasses and began to polish them with a sigh. “I mean, really, discovering that Angel is in fact a vam…”
“Ahem,” Alucard coughed pointedly as gave Giles a look.
“He drinks blood, burns in sunlight, is burned and repelled by crosses and is destroyed by a wooden stake through the heart,” Giles countered back. “What else would we call them?”
“Hrmph, I liked it better when you were absolutely terrified of saying anything to me,” Alucard noted with a huff and a slight pout.
“Yes, well, you lost that when you decided you and Xander were going to go out of your way to try and break my mind,” Giles stated as he looked at Angel. “I take it there’s a reason that he’s not a pile of dust?”
“He did keep the girl safe,” Alucard noted. “Since he did, Morrigan wouldn’t let me shoot him. We were both horribly upset.”
“I see,” Giles stated and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “And what aren’t you telling me?”
“And why would I tell you that?” Alucard asked, grin growing wider.
“Because this way you get to tell me. Otherwise I’ll just ask Morrigan,” Giles stated flatly.
“… I really liked it better when you were too terrified to think straight,” Alucard muttered with a pout. “Fine; he’s been cursed with a soul.”
“Ah, fascinating,” Giles stated as he looked at Angel more carefully. “Do you know how?”
“Never asked!” Alucard said cheerfully, “Though I’m sure he’s got to be in those Watcher journals of yours somewhere. That might be the answer. Or, you could wait for him to finish healing and ask then.”
“So, in essence, this is all simply to irritate and frustrate me so you can amuse yourself.” Giles noted as he polished his glasses again.
“That is what I do, remember?” Alucard countered back.
Giles sighed as he pushed his glasses back onto his nose, “Quite.”