For this, my 100th story on Twisting the Hellmouth I have decided to celebrate a story which was recently nominated for the Best Portrayal of Xander. This story continues on from two chapters of that wonderful Five Things fic in which our intrepid hero has begun dating a certain fair creature.
The title should be a dead giveaway as to who I'm speaking about.
Anyway, let us begin...Disclaimer:All characters from Buffy belong to Joss and M.E. Productions. The characters from Disney's Peter Pan and Tinkerbell/Disney Fairies belong to Walt Disney Studios Inc. This author claims nothing contradictory to this statement. He is a fanfiction writer merely borrowing some favorite characters to introduce wild and wacky adventures. Enjoy.
A powerful motivation for some. But for others it can simply be one of many emotions that are experienced on a daily basis. To say that Xander Harris was calm at this moment would be definitely not accurate.
Apparently there was one last trick that Murphy had decided to play on the poor young man. And that trick was one that set him on his current quest – or rather current problematic event – he had to tell his friends and family that things were going a lot better than they’d believed after his date with the online hookup from several months ago.
Unfortunately this is what has led to the fear. His track record with the ladies is a well documented condition amongst his colleagues – there are betting pools and everything – so it was going to be rather difficult to explain the problem he was faced with.
It had happened gradually – over time – months really. He’d spent months dating a woman that was truly a thing of beauty. Even some might say myth and fairytales wrapped together.
But as Xander Harris discovered upon awaking this morning – that particular relationship had led to certain complications. Complications that would make his life one of the more difficult ones. Apparently too much exposure wasn’t very good for him.
But who could he really blame? His current girlfriend hadn’t exactly known everything there was to know – theirs was the first of its kind as far as relationships went.
Sighing Xander took a step towards the door and somehow managed not to fall the distance between the bed and the floor.
Downstairs Willow yawned as she greeted the others with a semi-cheery smile. Dawn was fixing herself some disgusting slop that looked like Waffle batter mixed with things no sane person would ever eat.
Buffy was angrily glaring at the coffee maker as though she could will the thing to percolate faster.
Faith sat cross-legged on the floor meditating with her eyes closed.
Giles – despite his aged appearance – happily enjoyed a sip of tea as he read the morning paper.
A curious sound drew her attention away from the scene before her. Despite their best efforts relationships had never lasted long for any of them – probably because someone was always screwing around with their lives – it had gotten to the point where Willow had considered joining the same site that had led Xander to his current lover.
The door to the kitchen was jerking about wildly – as though someone was trying to open it but couldn’t quite reach the doorknob. A curious tinkling of bells could be heard.
Curiosity drew Willow like a magnet. She approached the door and opened it cautiously.
A tiny winged creature was hanging from the doorknob and it went sailing through the room – it landed with a loud thumping sound on the kitchen table and rolled to a sudden stop.
Buffy ignored it.
Faith cracked one eye open and what she saw made her climb to her feet in surprise.
Giles slowly put the paper down flabbergasted.
Dawn dropped her frying pan on her toe and shrieked in pain.
Willow drew up to the tiny creature very slowly. She studied it closely and discovered a very naked looking Xander Harris. “Xander!” she shrieked in surprise.
Xander said something and shot her a half-smile. His voice sounded like the tinkling of bells.
“Good Lord, what on earth happened to you?” Giles demanded feeling flustered.
Xander said some more things and then sighed when he realized he couldn’t very well explain himself in this condition.
“He’s so cute,” Dawn said with a big grin on her face.
“Damn, boytoy, you shrunk,” Faith said appraising the fully nude Xander with a brief glance.
Xander didn’t bother covering himself up – instead he just shot Faith a dirty look and flapped his wings. Eyeing the newspaper he snapped his fingers. “I may not be able to talk to them anymore, but I can certainly write in English and not Fairy speak,” he told himself. Pointing to the paper he pantomimed writing something down.
Nodding vigorously Willow dashed off to find a pen or pencil.
Tapping his foot impatiently Xander indicated that Dawn’s food was starting to burn.
“Oh!” Dawn shouted rushing to pull the first of her waffles off the other frying pan she’d set up earlier.
“Ah,” Buffy said as the coffee maker finally finished its work. Pouring herself a generous portion she took a long sip and turned around. The resulting spit take soaked Xander with hot coffee.
Leaping up at the sudden heat Xander made a face and started hoping around in a huge circle. “Hot, hot, hot!” he shouted out in pain.
“Xander,” Buffy said her mouth not working. Her brain couldn’t believe what she was seeing.
“Is this like the time I made out with that guy and grew into a giant?” Dawn asked.
Xander frowned as he managed to calm down. His skin looked redder than before. He shot Dawn a glare.
“Why can’t we understand him?” Faith wondered curiously.
Willow came rushing back into the room with pencil and a notepad in hand. “Here you go, Xander,” she said with a helpful smile. “Buffy spit coffee on him didn’t she?” she asked noticing the redness of Xander’s skin.
“Yep,” Dawn agreed with a goofy grin.
Xander snatched up the pencil in both hands – revealing just how oversized it actually was – crouching down over the notepad he began to write.
“Perhaps there’s something we can do for his… nakedness,” Giles suggested.
“It’s too early in the morning for this shit,” Buffy complained as she took another sip of coffee. “Who do we have to hunt down and slay?” she demanded in a grouchy tone.
Xander shot her a glare. “No slaying!” he shouted. Of course all they heard was the tinkling of bells.
“I don’t think he likes that solution, B,” Faith observed with a slight smirk.
“Here, for goodness sake,” Giles declared passing his favorite pocket hanky to the now-shivering young man.
Xander got up pleased with his words and pointed at the notepad. Taking Giles’ proffered hanky he wrapped himself up toga style. “She’s just going to love this,” he muttered.
Willow snatched up the notepad before Buffy or Dawn had a chance and quickly skimmed over the tiny scratchings – fortunately they weren’t so small as to be illegible – however upon reaching the end of the note she promptly started laughing.
“What’s the joke, Red?” Faith asked.
Unable to explain Willow passed her the notepad.
Xander tapped his foot in annoyance with his longtime friend. “It’s not funny, Willow,” he scolded her.
“Yo, B, you gotta read this,” Faith said with a broad smirk plastered across her face.
“Me first!” Dawn exclaimed snatching the notepad out of Faith’s outstretched hand.
Deciding not to wait for his turn Giles read over her shoulder. “My word,” he said.
Folding his arms over his chest he eyed Dawn expectantly.
Buffy ripped the notepad out of Dawn’s hand in frustrated impatience and quickly read the contents. Her eyes widened in stunned disbelief.
“Go ahead, Buffy, say it,” Xander said knowing what was coming.
“You’ve turned into a Pixie?” Buffy asked in utter bafflement. “How is that even possible?”
“Damned if I know,” Xander cursed.
“Is there some kind of translation spell we could use?” Faith asked. “It’s hard to take boytoy seriously when he talks like that,” she added with a teasing smile.
“I don’t think so… We’ve never encountered Pixies before, outside of fairy stories and such,” Willow explained with a helpless shrug.
Xander pouted and stomped his foot. “This is worse than if I’d been turned into a Smurf,” he complained. “And I can’t even fly to Never Land without pixie dust,” he added disappointedly.
At this point one of the youngest Slayers walked into the room rubbing sleep out of her eyes and yawning widely. She walked past the group and reached for the box of Lucky Charms in the lower cabinet.
Everyone watched her waiting to see when she’d react.
Pouring herself a bowl of marshmallow filled goodness she turned around and froze upon catching sight of Xander the Fairy. Her eyes were as wide as saucers and she looked like she’d just won the lottery. “They’re real!” she screamed with delightful joy. “I knew they must be of course – after all now that I’m a Slayer and know all about the nasty monsters it’s obvious that there must also exist creatures of light to balance out the universe – wait til I tell Gwen… Stuck up brat, she told me they couldn’t possibly be real! Wait a minute… Why are all of you talking to a Fairy anyway?” she asked suspiciously eyeing the adults. “Did you already know they existed?” she demanded irately.
“Why don’t you ask him yourself?” Buffy said. “It’s too early in the morning for this,” she repeated before storming out of the kitchen with her cup of coffee.
Fran walked up to the transformed Xander with a big smile on her face. When she got a good look at him her smile vanished. “That’s…”
“We know,” the group chorused as one. All save Giles who had a pale face and distraught expression.
“But how?” Fran asked.
“Well… that’s harder to explain,” Willow said trying to smooth things over.
“What’s to explain?” Faith said. “Xander hooked up with a Pixie. Now he is one. End of story,” she added.
Fran stared at Xander with wide eyes. “You’re dating a Fairy?” she asked.
Fran sucked in a big gulp of air and rushed to the kitchen door before anyone could stop her. “Mister Xander is dating a Fairy!” she shouted out to the rest of the household.
Naturally several of the older girls misconstrued this declaration.
“What!” Andrew exclaimed from somewhere in the house.
“That explains the Hawaiian shirts,” Kennedy said with a vicious laugh.
“But, but, Xander was supposed to be all mine,” Tracy complained with a pout.
“Get a sex change and maybe he still will be,” her roommate muttered as she turned over to go back to sleep.
Back in the kitchen Xander had turned a very interesting shade of pink and had slapped his face after Fran let the cat out of the bag. “Kill me now,” he pleaded of the heavens. But of course only other Fairies can understand Fairy speak – not even the Powers that Be could understand him now.
And somewhere in the world a baby laughed for the first time.To Be Continued…Post-Notes:
There we have it. Xander has become a full-fledged Fairy. Next time we'll get to meet Tinkerbell and her group of friends and maybe even get them to go see Alexander the Fairy. Yes, I have seen Tinkerbell and the Great Fairy Rescue, it's what inspired me to come back to this plot bunny... I still need to see the first film in the series... perhaps by Christmas.
The author also appologises for anyone who may be offended by the joke in this chapter, but hey how could I pass it up? I in no way, shape, or form condone the use of such a term for a person who prefers a romantic relationship with a member of the same sex. But certain people do have nasty minds and thus the reason for the joke. Flames will be ignored... Also there is no SLASH in this fic... Leastwise no Male/Male Slash. ;)