Title: 'Polyamorous Gay Men Rule the Universe'
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns BtVS, S.Meyer owns Twilight.
Summary: Embry walks in on his friends having a conversation about him
Notes: In honor of it being the 1-year anniversary of Fuur Square
I wanted to post something in the universe. However, the next chapter is not finished. So instead, you get a teeny-tiny crack ficlet that was inspired on the fanficrants forum at 2:30 in the morning. This happens around Thanksgiving in 2010, so almost 3 years after chapter 72 of Four Square
“Hey look, Embry, it's you!” Dawn said, pointing at the television. It was Thanksgiving weekend, so Embry was back in Forks for the holidays. This year the festivities were being held at Dawn and Jake's house for the first time ever.
“Huh?” Embry asked. Dawn was pointing at a very white man wearing a military greatcoat
“It's Captain Jack Harkness,” Bella explained. “He's a character on Doctor Who
“Okay. And why is he me?” Embry asked. The character actually sounded familiar. Embry thought he might have heard the name mentioned, maybe back at the Gay & Lesbian center he volunteered at.
“Because he's a polyamorous, immortal, gay man!” Dawn said.
“Yes, and there can only be one polyamorous, immortal gay man in the history of ever, right?” Quil said, a slight tone of sarcasm in his voice. “There couldn't possibly be two?”
“Technically he's not gay,” Edward said, from his place on the floor, playing Lego with Carlie a Claire. “He's omnisexual.”
“The commonly used term is pansexual,” Embry said. “It's a broader term than bisexual.”
“And it totally applies to you,” Stacy said, as she worked at french-braiding Dawn's hair. “'cause you dated that brachen demon, and he wasn't even human.”
“He was a quarter human,” Leah pointed out.
“You know, he's cute,” Embry said, pointing at the TV. “I'd totally fu—I mean, go out with him,” Embry stopped himself before swearing in front of Carlie and Claire.
“Yeah, and then the two of you would sleep with half the universe before taking over the world,” Jake said.
“I would not sleep with half the universe,” Embry said. “Just the cute ones. Holy crap, is that Spike?”
He pointed at the screen again where the character they'd been discussing was kissing a man who looked a lot like Spike.
“Nah, just an actor who looks like him,” Dawn said. “If you were interested we could always come up with a way to bring him here.”
“Dawn Aurora Black, you are not allowed to use magic to bring a fictional character into our world just so Embry can hook up with him,” Willow said, wagging her finger in an exaggerated manner.
“Yes Willow,” Dawn said with a sigh. “Sorry Embry. You'll have to find your own dates.”
“It really is a pity,” Embry said, “I mean two polyamorous, immortal, gay men, we could totally turn the queer community on its head. Also, takeover the world.”
“How many times do I have to tell you guys, you're not allowed to take over the world before Dinner,” Buffy scolded.
“Yes Mom,” Embry said, walking over and giving his short foster mom a kiss on the top of the head. “I'll even do my homework first.”
Pure crack. But I had to write it.