season 1 of Glee and season 7 of Buffy Warnings:
bit of language, minimum amount of violence and Sue Disclaimer:
Glee and Buffy belong to their respective creators A/N:
Thanks to my beta, aeryes for badgering me into finishing and, of course, betaing. Lyrics used are from Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles. Written for the xover_exchange at LJ.
It all began with a rather strange event.
"What do you mean the Hellmouth isn't here anymore?!"
Working undercover sucked. Working undercover as a substitute teacher in Lima-middle-of-nowhere, Ohio sucked even more. But working undercover as a football coach won first prize in suckage. Buffy sighed as she made her way down the halls of McKinley High. Just when she'd thought she was done with all things high school, something happened to drag her back in. In this case, it was the Hellmouth going AWOL. It had taken them weeks to track it to Lima, Ohio of all places.
"Someone, somewhere must really hate me," Buffy grumbled to herself.
She sidestepped a puddle of what looked like half-melted slushie. The last thing she needed was to ruin her stylish, yet affordable shoes. Sadly, walking through the halls of McKinley seemed to necessitate greater than usual care with regard to the safety of her shoes. There was going to be a world of hurt if she ever found out who was responsible for the constant messes on the floor.
Glancing around suspiciously for any telltale signs of floor vandalism, Buffy spotted the one person who made this hellish (no pun intended) assignment bearable.
"Hey, Will," she chirped, her spirits lifting. Will was the rare sort of person who was genuinely good. And ridiculously earnest. Buffy thought he was cute. Like a puppy.
"Buffy," he smiled back at her, falling into step with her.
"How are you adjusting?" he asked her amiably as they headed into the teacher's lounge. Emma was already sitting at a table, furiously cleaning a grape.
"Oh, you know, despairing at the state of the team," she grouched good-naturedly, eyes lighting up when she saw that the coffee maker was, for once, in its proper place. And filled.
Will flashed a smile at Emma, not really noticing how she lit up in response, and turned back to Buffy, brows drawn in concern.
"I'm sure it's not that bad-" he hedged. It was sweet how he was trying.
"Will - you don't have to strain yourself sparing my feelings. I'm just a sub. I'll probably be gone before the week's out. Besides, they suck and we all know it."
"That's a little harsh-"
"Not my job to coddle them," Buffy smirked, "Just to try to whip them into shape before Coach Tanaka gets back."
Surprisingly, Will saddened at the mention of the regular coach. Intent on smothering her coffee into palatableness through copious amounts of sugar and cream, it didn't register at first.
"You didn't hear?"
They made their way to Emma, greeting her again with smiles and nods.
"The reason Ken's out sick in the first place. He had a heart attack."
Buffy could feel her eyebrows raising as she took a seat.
"A football coach?"
"He didn't have the...healthiest outlook on life," Emma hedged, "Still, it was very sudden. We even had another substitute before you. He was only supposed to be here for a few days though."
"Ken said it looked more serious than they thought it was initially. Doesn't know when he'll be back."
Buffy inwardly cursed the fact. She wasn't looking forward to staying employed in the high school any longer than she had to, but suddenly rushing off somewhere might hinder her later if they ever needed to get to the Hellmouth and by, extension, the school.
"I'm sorry to hear that," was all she said. And she really was. She was also sorry for whoever had suggested she take this job. A few days at most, her ass.
"You think this is hard?! Try living in Canada, that's
Buffy had already checked if Sue Sylvester was a demon. No such luck so far. She could always hope, though.
She took a few minutes off every day to drop by at the choir room, either to drag Will out to get something to eat or just to talk. This meant she'd often hear the Glee club rehearsing. When she'd been in high school, you wouldn't have caught her dead near anything resembling the club. But the more she watched and listened, the more she thought she knew why Will was so invested in them. In a strange, twisty, less demon-y way, they reminded her of the Scoobies. Even Brad, though he was out sick this week.
Today, something about their song choice struck her as ironic. As Buffy listened to the kids Will was so proud of and absently hummed along, she realized why and winced."Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right"
Hopefully, they'd figure out this whole Hellmouth thing before
it started ruining lives around here. The few demons already here were a peaceful sort. Most of them were uneasy from the sudden presence of the Hellmouth. And Buffy was strangely reluctant to let anything ruin the weird normality of Lima. But she was not growing fond of this place or her job. Like ever. Well...she wasn't growing fond of her job.
"Please tell me you have something!" Buffy said as soon as she answered her phone. After an exhausting day at work, she finally had the chance to touch base. Who knew that dealing with a bunch of hormonal teens was actually worse than dealing with a bunch of hormonal teen Slayers?
"Um..." Willow's hesitant reply was answer enough.
"Will you have something soon?" Even to herself, she sounded whiny.
"It's going to take some time, Buffy. I've got a few things going that could get us some answers though," Willow's voice was hopeful.
"How likely is it?"
"Not very," Willow deflated.
"Do I have to remind you this was supposed to be short-term only? Whose bright idea was it to get me a job as a football coach anyway? I don't know anything about football!"
The little giggle at the other end of the line made Buffy frown.
"It was more of a...uh...unanimous vote?"
"That's it - you're all up for a world of hurt when I get back," she threatened. Already, thoughts of sweet payback re floating through her head.
"Buffy!" Willow's insistent voice brought her out of musings of shaving cream themed revenge.
The huff of exasperation was pure Willow.
"Any leads on your end?'
Buffy sighed as cold reality shoved its way to the present.
"I've got zilch. No freaky deaths or mysterious attacks by wild dogs. The only demonic thing about the demons here is their obsession with vegetable gardens and karaoke. Just a school full of loonies. You know, the usual."
"There's gotta be something
we've missed. A Hellmouth doesn't just relocate! I would have felt the tidal wave of evil! It - it would have pinged! Like sonar! And-"
"Willow! Breathe! It's not your fault! Nobody saw this coming."
"Yeah, well, I should've
," Willow muttered petulantly. Buffy smiled and fiercely wished Willow was here. Then at least she wouldn't be the only one suffering.
"I've seen a better routine crapped from a one legged man in New Delhi! And he was 80! From the start! And this time I won't give you five until you're sweating blood and the crushed remains of your childhood dreams!"
Nope, still not a demon.
Looking at the bunch of jocks she was supposed to be training made Buffy wonder if Sue wasn't on to something after all. Out of all of them, maybe only three were able to tear their gazes from her chest. Unsurprisingly, they were the ones from the Glee club.
Deciding enough was enough, she gave them something other than her breasts to consider.
While she had little clue what she was doing, or, indeed, why the team sucked so badly, it was strangely cathartic to yell at them for screwing up their last game so much she'd have given them negative
points. When she had them all cringing with shame, she continued on for a few more minutes, drawing an unholy sense of glee from the knowledge that she was the team's lord and master. It was easier to revel in the knowledge when she wasn't responsible for their lives. Just their game play.
Later, when Buffy was still in the locker room trying to puzzle out what all those squiggles and exes meant, she heard voices. Luckily, not ones in her head. Which was a relief, 'cause she really felt this place was getting to her. Curious as to why teenage boys hadn't skedaddled off to greener pastures, she tried to catch what they were saying. If they were talking about her breasts, they weren't getting out of their next practice alive from the laps she'd make them run.
"And you actually believed some fairy godcoach would help us win?" the derision in the voice could only belong to Puckerman. Buffy furrowed her brows. Fairy godcoach?
"Said he always rooted for the underdog. He seemed real eager to help, you know?" as ever when talking about something just beyond his comprehension, Finn sounded vaguely confused.
"Dude, he was our coach, that was his job
"Yeah," Finn seemed resigned, "So much for giving them a little Hell."
"Speaking of giving, what I wouldn't give for a piece of that-"
"Puck! She's our coach
"Dude, she can coach me any day!"
Buffy stopped listening after that, all confusion over their conversation dissipated. Puckerman was in such deep shit.
The next morning at the teacher's lounge table, Emma looked pale. Buffy slumped down next to her with her coffee. It took her a few sips and rather a lot of blinking to realize just how pale.
"What's wrong?" the last of the cobwebs fled her brain. Her instincts screamed that something was not right.
"T-t-the opposing team. They-" Emma faltered, her hands trembling as she went through the motions of arranging her lunch.
Emma swallowed and looked down, her hands stilling.
"Something slaughtered them," she whispered, face earnest, if horrified, "It was all over the news last night. Didn't you hear?"
Buffy hadn't heard. She'd had an early night. The Hellmouth had been surprisingly low-key and she hadn't encountered anything worthy of note the entire time she'd been here. Now all of a sudden a whole team of football jocks was murdered? Something wasn't right here.
There was something she was missing. With a horrible, sickening feeling in her stomach, she realized what.
"I've gotta go," she said and rushed out, ignoring Will's greeting as he entered the lounge.
"Ah, Summers, just the woman I was looking to humiliate and crush under the soles of my designer Nike's."
"Not now, Sue!" Buffy snapped as she rushed past.
She ran to the choir room, dodging students and teachers alike. She could hear the Glee club finishing their practice. Buffy had a feeling it was now or never.
She slowed before she entered the room, not wanting to look like a maniac in the slim chance she was wrong. She opened the door and peeked inside.
The Glee club was lounging around for the moment, talking and laughing, discussing their latest rehearsal. Buffy scanned the room, her eyes lighting upon the man at the piano. Brad was still out on sick leave and the Glee club had been fortunate to find someone willing to play for free. Buffy remembered Will singing the man's (Joe? Jed? something like that) praises, how Joe always liked to help the underdogs and that it was no trouble at all.
Joe was also fiddling with a pendant around his neck, staring hungrily at the Glee club.
Buffy's eyes narrowed.
With swift strides, she approached Joe and yanked the necklace from his head. It looked old, very old and thrummed with power.
"What? Hey! You can't-"
Joe's protests were cut off when Buffy crushed the pendant. A flash of light erupted from it, washing over everyone in the room.
For a long moment, everyone was frozen. Buffy was aware of the Glee club watching them in confusion. She didn't look at them, but kept staring at the vengeance demon. Well, former
vengeance demon. He was looking up at her, flabbergasted.
Smiling sweetly, she turned towards the others.
"It's fine. Just a light-bulb blew."
Before the others could react to the poorly thought out excuse, she took a small step towards Joe and spoke softly.
"You must have been really
stupid to try and grant a wish while the Slayer was around. Luckily for you," she smirked, "I don't kill humans."
With that, she marched out of the room, not paying attention to the confused noises the others were making. She could feel the stunned stare of the ex-demon watching her as she exited. She grinned. Gleefully.
"So everything's back to normal?" Buffy asked, struggling to hear Willow over the sounds of a firetruck outside the window of her dingy apartment.
"Yup. All's right with the world again. Hellmouth's back in its place, no freaky mojo mucking up the works. It's all hunky dory."
"Good. I like things to be hunky and dory. Although I don't know what dory means."
"I don't think it's a word."
"Well, whatever it is, I'm glad things are it. I can't wait to get out of this place."
"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad?"
"Willow, I was a football coach. How is that of the good?"
"You could have been a janitor?"
"Ohio, I'm concerned. Liberal arts are taking over not just the media, but our lives and souls. And we shouldn't just be concerned - we should be terrified. I see all these people singing and dancing and you know what I see? Hellfire and brimstone. It's dangerous to have a song in your heart these days, western Ohio. It can cause blindness, depression, an unbalanced checkbook, pneumonia and spontaneous combustion. And I know some of you are going to say: "Lighten up, Sue, it's good to bare your soul sometimes." Well to them I say, sure, if you have a soul. And as for lighting up, I only do it when I have a fire extinguisher handy. And that's how Sue - C's it."
Buffy sighed and turned off the TV. Somehow, she knew it had been too good to be true.-END-