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I’ve Got A Bad Feeling About This

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Summary: At the Dawn of Time, three things simultaneously happened – the Creator got bored, Angels discovered cerebral hemmorage, and Humanity. This story is the result.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > GeneraljoshlamontFR151015,40905013,0261 Dec 1021 Dec 10No

Scene IX

I'm sure you will all be shocked and dismayed to learn that Ptah does not have Xander's best interests in mind.

Incidentally, the math to calculate the time it takes to hit the ground for a plane missing its wings and falling without any propulsion is insanely complex and ends up being about one second less than just using a = 9.8 m/s. Dammit.

As always, I own nothing.

“Sooo, can you lovely ladies find us a place to land?” Xander asked as Zoe sealed the emergency exit behind her.

“Might want to find out where we are-” Jean grunted, straining to control the forces outside. “I can barely keep this tin can from going down- much less up-”

“Right, where we are then?” Xander said quickly, turning to the earth witches.

“We’d need a map,” Nadia said quietly.

Shelly snorted. “Yeah, can’t exactly call up the grid coordinates from mother earth.”

“I can help with that,” Norman said, getting back to his feet. The wizard still looked a little green, but his legs had stopped shaking (mostly) and he had a steady hand when he waved his wand. “Conjurus Geographus ab hinc.

“Huh,” Xander leaned over the map that appeared. “Africa. Makes sense what with all the sand. It’s just, why?

“Unfortunately, you killed everyone who might tell us,” Nadia said, taking the map. Zoe shot Xander a look and he shook his head. They didn’t need to know about the good senator. Too many… well meaning intentions.

The ladies chanted in several obscure languages that made the hair on Zoe’s arms stand up, and a pinpoint of light shimmered above the map. They slumped back and Nadia shoved the map forward. “We are approximately twenty-five miles away from Bougtob, Algeria,” she exhaled, pointing.

Xander stared at the map. “Hm. I don’t see any airports nearby.”

“You wouldn’t,” Norman said, leaning back in his seat. “Wizard-kind tends to be pretty technophobic about things. In fact, the only reason I even know about airplanes is because I ended up inheriting me muggle uncle’s manufacturing business up in Liverpool. All sorts of international shipping, mostly by boat, but still, there are some necessary charters by air.”

“So… we’re screwed that way.”


“We could try a locator spell for planes,” Shelly suggested.

“At what range?” Nadia asked sharply. “Finding ourselves was bad enough!”

“Oh, pish, that was for Africa. Say fifty miles? Jean, can you handle that?”

“Actually-” Jean said between her teeth, “Considering our lack of landing gear- it might be better- if we used sand.”

“I’m behind that,” Xander said, immediately raising his hand. “Missing steel on concrete is much of the good.”

“Well, we’re not getting any closer to Bougtob,” the older gentleman whose name Xander still hadn’t learned said.

“Then we’re agreed?”

Everyone nodded.


Xander turned to Jean. “Could you start taking us down? Norman, I saw you do that holography thing that told you the time, could you do some sort of same thing that would tell us our speed and altitude? Jean’s freaking awesome, but Wind and Fire don’t exactly tell you much about Earth.”

“Er… give me a minute to think about it,” Norman said. “That’s spell-crafting, that is. Maybe some sort of variant on a ward…”

Zoe pulled Xander aside. “What are we going to do about Senator Kinsey?” she hissed. “The goa’uld are freaking insane!”

Xander gave her a sharp look. “Okay, seriously, was your dad a demon-hunter or something? I didn’t even know about those gold demons things, and I’m pretty sure Giles would laugh at anyone using a wand.”

“How do you know I wasn’t the demon-hunter?” Zoe said stiffly, lifting her chin.

Xander snorted. “Please. Your dad has trouble with you going to London. Either he’s paranoid or he’s worked on the darker side. Maybe not demons, maybe a cop or special forces, but either way, you wouldn’t have a chance to learn any of this crap from experience. Which means you know someone who knows.”

Zoe wilted. “He… he works with people who do. I started eavesdropping after…” She trailed off.

“After you started breaking door-knobs and seeing the freckles on someone two blocks away?” Xander finished softly.

Zoe nodded.

“You’re a slayer.”

“I know.”

“Yeah, well, not exactly, but good enough for now. Your dad talked about these gold dudes?”

“Goa’uld,” Zoe corrected. “I didn’t hear much- I mean, it’s not like they were going to recap things for me, but I do know that it’s like trying to kill a cockroach fighting them. They’re like one of those comic-book villains that just won’t die.”

Xander grimaced. “Great. I was hoping my impression of these guys was all skewered ‘cause, y’know, terrorists, not the most rational people.”

“Yeah, well…”

“Got it!” Norman exclaimed from across the room. “Aeroplanum aerolocus!

Numbers flickered into the air in front of Jean. “Thank you, Norman,” she said. “Descending from twenty-five thousand feet.”

Zoe turned back to Xander. “Figure something out,” she hissed, “We am not going to let one of those things loose!”

Xander watched as she stalked away, thinking about exactly what she brought up. Their best bet was honestly just to kill the guy, but he cringed away from the thought. Besides, dude was a senator- there was no telling what mischief he’d got up to as that.

“Twenty thousand feet.”

Xander sighed and went to go talk to the… thing.

Ptah reveled in the sheer power. He had never felt anything like this, not in any of his hosts! He was uncertain about what had transpired, but somehow this host had become like unto a god, a true god! He wondered if the forced summoning by that witchling had somehow unlocked the host’s potential. Now the only annoyance was that blasted kine that kept showing up. Who was he and how did he shove a god to the side? The fool was too ridiculous to be one of the higher beings. Bah! Ptah shrugged him off. All he had to do was fulfill the witchling’s demand and he was free to rule this world as he see fit! And then… an evil grin stretched across his perfect face. The System Lords wouldn’t know what hit them.

“What’s that up in the air?” Hermione asked, stopping in mid-jog.

Harry shuffled to a stop behind her, breathing heavily. Which was sadly, he reflected, an actual improvement. And he’d thought he was in shape before they came to this god-forsaken hell!

“Harry?” Hermione probed.

Harry shook himself and stared up in the sky. “I don’t see anything yet, Mione.”

“It looks like…” Hermione gasped. “It’s a plane! And it’s coming down without its wings!”

“Well, we’d best be moving then, hadn’t we?” Harry said.

“No, it looks controlled. See, they’ve got parachutes. I didn’t realize they made them that big!”

“Look, I know you’re not the Senator,” Xander said wearily, sitting in front of the goa’uld.

“What exactly are you suggesting?” Senator Kinsey asked sharply.

“That you pull the bullshit, goa’uld.”

The senator’s eyes narrowed and flashed.

Well, now. It seems the little tau’ri knows something.” The senator said, snapping his bonds.

“Oh, come on,” Xander grimaced. “You didn’t really think I was that stupid, did you?”

The goa’uld controlling Senator Kinsey suddenly became aware of the zat’nik’tel this accursed tau’ri was holding, and- a knife point against his privates?

Must we be unreasonable?” The senator’s face twisted into a smile.

Xander grinned back tired. “Have you met me? Absolutely we must. Now, the question becomes what to do with you? I can’t be letting you get back to the US. That much power? Not for an evil little thing like you. But I don’t really feel comfortable killing an innocent man.”

The goa’uld snorted.

“Well, yeah, okay, semi-innocent- I mean, come on, he's a senator! But still, the whole killing thing, not so much my thing.”

So you’ll to commit me to the sands?

Xander looked up in surprise.

I am not without my resources.” The goa’uld smiled horribly and leaned forward. “So... shall we make a deal?



Xander barely caught his seat as the entire front of the plane exploded outwards. Senator Kinsey was sucked out almost instantly, careening into the sky below. A glowing Egyptian with blond hair floated in front of the gaping hole, his robes billowing in the decompression.

Mortal,” the being said, eyes flashing. “Your friends care for you! They have prayed and I have deigned to grant their request.

“And what would that be?” Xander asked warily, shielding his eyes.

Why, to be free of this craft

“I’m good where I am, thanks.”

Unfortunately for you,” the being’s face darkened, “Your opinion is not required.

Xander’s world exploded in several rapid bursts of intense pain and he vaguely realized there were now several large holes in front of him. Weren’t those supposed to be walls...?

Xander!” Zoe screamed.

“Whazza?” Xander mumbled, struggling to lift his head.

The glowing being stalked back through the plane. “Interesting. That blast should have thrown you out the back end of this vessel. And killed you. Yet here you are in the midsection, alive.

Nadia stepped forward. “He is not without allies, whoever you are.”

Zoe crouched in front of Xander protectively. Her growl rumbled across the room despite the whipping winds.

The being’s head cocked. “What- a slayer? How amusing. And yet how interesting! I just met one not five minutes ago. Is she dead already, I wonder?

Shelly finally managed to contain the air inside the plane. “You’ve got more to worry about here, asshole!”

I assure you, witchling, I have not. But since you all seem so involved in protecting this worthless mortal, I shall give your attentions something else to be concerned with.

He gestured and the horrible snap was almost drowned out by Jean’s scream.

Good-bye.” He raised his hands, gestured, and disappeared just as Xander shot forward, knocking into Zoe and tumbling the two of them out the open end. As they sailed into the free air, the plane twitched and then lurched and then just fell, the winds no longer held by Jean’s commands.

Oh, no! Who will live? Who will die? Should I pull a Whedon and randomly kill someone you love? Or a Rowling and completely stunt Shelly's growth as a character? Or a Stargate and allow Kinsey to survive? Will Jean become this universe's Oracle? Tune in tomorrow — same Bat-time, same Bat-channel!

The End?

You have reached the end of "I’ve Got A Bad Feeling About This" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 21 Dec 10.

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