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I’ve Got A Bad Feeling About This

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Summary: At the Dawn of Time, three things simultaneously happened – the Creator got bored, Angels discovered cerebral hemmorage, and Humanity. This story is the result.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > GeneraljoshlamontFR151015,40905013,0261 Dec 1021 Dec 10No

Act I

I take no credit for any characters or plot! Just the witty dialogue and cardiac arrest. (On second thought, scratch that last)

“Mr. President?”

“This had better be a damned important call, Charlie, because I currently have a nightmare of a collapsed town in California, a crisis in the Middle East, and oh, yes, my daughter is missing! Where the hell are you?”

“I’m with your daughter.”


“She’s sitting right beside me in the car. She got away, sir. She’s safe.”

“Oh, thank the Lord. Charlie, where are you?”

“I’ve parked over on 15th.”

“Then what are you waiting for, bring her in!”

“I… there’s a problem, sir. And the White House is being watched. Can you meet us at the Cathedral?”

“Charlie, what the hell is going on?”

“I can’t say sir, not over the phone. Please be careful. Act like you’re going to pray for her safe return. Actually, it might be a good idea to pray for real.”


“The Cathedral, sir. I’ll explain there, I promise.”


The President stepped out of his state car, and stared at the cathedral in front of him. It was raining, of course. Nothing else would be appropriate for the ominous feeling the day had.

“Mr. President?”

He took a deep breath, and walked up the stairs.

Inside, it was warm but silent. The pews were mostly empty, save for a few penitent souls praying for their loved ones. His eye caught two near the front, a boy and a girl, black hand in white. Zoe! He almost ran forward at that moment, but caught himself. Carefully, solemnly, he made his way to the front and slipped into pew.

“Charlie, what is going on?” he asked, clasping his hands together as if in prayer. As if?

“Mr. President.” Charlie nodded. “Do you remember a few years back about the… incident that happened in the town that just collapsed?”

Josiah Bartlett’s eyes widened and then narrowed. “I do. It would be hard to forget. I would be curious to discover, however, how you know.”

“I’m in charge of your schedule. And I’m not… quite ignorant of what goes on in the dark. My uncle had family there.”

The President’s face softened momentarily. “I’m sorry. Did they get out?”

“The few still living, yes.”

“What does that… thing have to do with my daughter?”

“Do you remember the… girl responsible for that project’s outcome?” Zoe’s eyes widened and Charlie nodded.

“Yes, but what does-” The President’s eyes widened as well. “No…” he breathed.

“It’s how I escaped.” Zoe said softly, looking at the ground. Her fingers tied themselves in knot after knot, uncertain of what to do, how to act. Jed melted.

“Charlie, get the hell out of my way,” he whispered, moving forward. Charlie quietly slid to the other side of his daughter, and the President enveloped her in his arms. “Oh, my poor sweet girl,” he whispered, kissing her on the forehead, “Don’t you dare worry about what I think. I will always love you, no matter what happens.”

“Hermione!” Ron gasped, catching his wife as she fell. “What’s wrong?”

“Don’t know…” Hermione wheezed, struggling for her breath. “Feels like I’m being… torn apart!”

She screamed and Ron tightened his grip. “Hold on, love, hold on.” He began dragging her toward the fireplace. “St. Mungo’s!” he cried, throwing powder into the fireplace. Hermione screamed again and threw herself away violently. And then it was like she exploded into three people at once, brilliant white light arcing everywhere. Warm, golden light pooled around one and harsh, black thorns bound another. The third was her, just her, Hermione, white and pale as a ghost and just as see-through. They crackled and flickered like bad telly-wizen, as if trying to snap back into one person.

“Are you ready to be strong?” A voice echoed through all three of them.

“I- I-” The Hermiones gasped.

“Yes!” another voice- her voice- exclaimed as if from a far distance. The black thorns snapped to attention. Hermione screamed as they ripped through her body and shot out of the room. There was a brilliant flare and then all three collapsed into one unconscious, bleeding Hermione.


“What…” said Harry shakily, “What the hell was that?

“I don’t know.” Hermione said weakly. She pushed off his arm and struggled to get to her feet. “Some sort of… test?”

“Whatever it was, they didn’t ask me anything.” Harry replied, struggling himself just to get up. “How the bloody hell can you even stand?

“I feel stronger,” she replied.

“Obviously,” he said dryly from his vantage point on the ground.

“No, I mean I feel stronger.” She picked up a large rock and hefted in her hand. “This doesn’t even feel heavy. I mean, the weight’s there, but-” Her arm snapped out and the rock hurtled across the plain. Far in the distance, they heard it crack against a tree.

“Bloody hell…” Harry breathed, pushing himself upright.

“You do realize there are no Twinkies in Africa.” Xander said.


“And no television.”


“I don’t think they even have real football, there. I hear it’s that fake black and white stuff where they actually use their feet-”

“Xander!” Buffy exclaimed.

“I’m going, I’m going!” Xander said. “I’m just saying, you’re gonna owe me big.”

“Yes, we are.” Buffy replied, pulling his head down to give him a quick peck. “Thank you for doing this, Xander. I don’t think Giles can take much more of those old council fuddie-duddies.”

“Are you sure he won’t take my suggestion to- ow, sorry!”

“Oh, excuse me!” The brunette leaned over to pick up his bag.

“Hey, don’t I know you?” Dawn asked suddenly, cocking her head in curiosity.

“Dawn, don’t be silly!” Buffy told her, though she took her own look- he was kinda hot!

The brunette smiled sadly. “Once upon a time, we might have. But not next time.”


The man glanced up. “Ah, excuse me, I’ve got a friend to catch.” He made his way toward a large black man wearing a beanie.

“All I’m saying is, how do we know it’s not aliens?”

“The President said so, sir.” Carter smiled whimsically at her commander.

“And he’s the expert on alien how-dos and do-hows and such.” Jack replied skeptically.

“O’Neill-” Teal’c paused.

“Hm?” Jack turned, and came to alert. “What is it big guy?”

“…it is nothing.” Teal’c finally said. “For a moment I thought I sensed a familiar presence.”

“Teal’c, buddy, we’re in the LA airport. There’s gotta be a million familiar presences here, if only because they’re packed in that tight.”

“Indeed. And yet… …never mind. I am sure it was simply a matter of excessive subconscious imagination.”

Jack shrugged. “Alright. Anyway, like I was saying, no way Sunnydale goes down ‘cause of a random cavern system! Something strange went down there…”

“Would that have anything to do with we’re taking our vacation in Los Angeles?” Samantha Carter asked innocently.

“Don’t be silly, that’s just crazy random happenstance! Although, since we’re already here…”

Okay, so this is an experiment that may or may not flop. The goal is 31 chapters in 31 days. I suck terribly at plot- my strength lies in execution. So, at the end of every chapter, you all throw out what you want to happen next, and I write the idea that strikes my fancy! Here is the world in which this story lies…

- The year is 2003 and I didn't even have to tweak any timelines! How cool is that?
- Obviously, Jed Bartlett is President
- General Hammond is in charge of the SGC and Daniel’s about to descend, but just because someone hasn’t been introduced yet doesn’t mean they don’t exist. I’m sure Vala’s busy conning someone thirty million light years away from here right now.
- Jack won’t find anything in Sunnydale. He’ll return to the SGC disappointed while the rest of the Scoobies fly off to Cleveland.
- Harry Potter kicked Voldie’s ass in Britain. He’s currently happily engaged to Ginny. However! Dun-dun-un! Harry Potter from another universe is running around in this world with his girlfriend Hermione, trying to escape his world’s-
- Competent obliviators who bear a striking resemblance to MiB agents J and K! No, I don’t know what Harry did. It was probably heroic and thus, unacceptable.
- Kevin Sorbo is Hercules, because this should be a basic rule of everything. If I had my way, Captain Dylan Hunt would actually be Kevin Sorbo, who’d actually be- you get the idea.
- Xander has one eye and two hands holding two cans- one full of badass and one full of whoop-ass. No magic, no powers, no super anything aside from the ability to bounce off troll hammers (and oh, hell, no, mofos, we are not introducing the gummy bears!) – just Batman. But not literally. Because that would require a second can of badass.
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