The Xander Power-Up MarathonAUTHOR:
NC-17 / Mature / Adults OnlyWARNING:
Nudity, sex, adult situations, silliness, and bad languageDISCLAIMER:
I do not own any of the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
and I am not making any money from this.A/N:
Anyone that wants to grab one of these ficlets to continue it, adapt it, or just use it for a full length story is welcome to take it. Just let me know where so that I can read it.SUMMARY:
A series of one-shot short ficlets in which Xander gets a power. The Xander Power-Up Marathon*crack* *pop*
Xander was lying back on his bed, naked, with his feet planted firmly in the mattress and thrusting into his fist. He was trying to keep the moaning and the panting quiet even as visions of naked!Buffy soaping down naked!Cordelia played inside his mind.
That’s when his father decided to bang on his bedroom door.WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!
“Get your lazy butt back outta bed, boy! I told you to take down the trash before you hit the sheets!”
Startled and half afraid that the door would swing open while he was polishing his knob, Xander leapt up off the bed…and kept going. *crack**pop*
Only to find himself standing in the dark and creepy gloom of his dusty attic. While naked. With an erection so horny that it was drooling on itself.
Okay, it was so against the rules to make a person freak out over multiple things at one time. So…first. Freak out over the being in the attic naked thing. Once that humiliation is over and done, then he’d freak out over the whole spontaneous teleportation thing.
Right. It’s a plan.Wham! Wham! Wham!
“Boy! Did you hear me?!”
Great. The drunk who called himself dad was still waiting for him and here he was up in the attic…naked…and still sporting an erection.
Panic is an odd thing. It makes you do things without really thinking them through first. Unfortunately.
So, having lots of panic to crowd out any rational thoughts, Xander did the first thing that came to mind and turned around to rip open a dusty garbage bag full of old clothes that his mother had stored up here for some reason. Pulling out the first bit of body covering cloth that he could grab, Xander struggled into it as fast as he could. Then he stumbled over to the fold-up access ladder and opened it up so that he could exit the attic. He was paying more attention to getting down as fast as he could, so when he finally reached the bottom and pushed the ladder back up, he turned to find himself face to face with his dad.
His dad blinked in surprise, looked him over from head to toe, and snorted.
Xander looked down and finally saw just what it was he had thrown over his head. It was one of his grandmother’s old muumuus. It was a deep shimmering purple satin with a bright pink, yellow, and lime-green pattern running down the front. It also didn’t do much to disguise the fact that he was hard as a rock since his erection bobbed with every motion he made.
He opened his mouth, desperate to find some way to explain this all, but his dad cut him off with one hand held up in the air palm out.
“No. I don’t want to know. That means shut the fuck up and don’t explain.”
Xander sighed, humiliated. And yet, still hard.
“Just…get fuckin’ changed and take out the damn trash.” With that, his dad turned on his heel and stomped away. “I need another fuckin’ drink.”***
“I’m telling you, it was completely weird and I’m sure hellmouthy, but…”
Xander shrugged and promised himself that he wouldn’t mention his masturbatory habits or his regrettable choice in emergency clothing during that mentally scarring scene with his dad. He was fairly sure he’d made his quota of humiliation this week anyway.
“…I teleported myself after my father startled me.”
Buffy’s eyebrows rose up. Willow blinked rapidly. Giles tilted his head thoughtfully, like one might do when faced with a fairly harmless lunatic.
“T…teleportation, you say?”
Xander nodded. “Yep. There was a loud crack and I left my bedroom and then a loud pop and I was in the attic.”
“Well, uh, that’s different.”
Willow shrugged and tilted her head, a confused expression on her face.
“Yeah. I mean, I’ve never seen you do that before.”
“You haven’t, have you?”
Xander shook his head and slumped down into a chair.
“No. Never. At least, not that I know of. And believe me, if I knew that I could teleport, I would’ve done it before. It would be a helpful skill fighting those creechy-faced vamps.”
“Well, why don’t you try it now? While we are here to see you do it.”
Xander didn’t have to hear Giles say it to know he was thinking that the Hellmouth had finally driven him around the twist. So…proof. He could do that. Hopefully.
“Uh, okay. Um…I’ll give it a shot.”
Xander closed his eyes and thought really hard about teleporting. Nothing happened.
He grit his teeth and made fists as he concentrated. Nothing happened.
The door to the library swung open and Xander peeled one eye open to see Cordelia sashay in. He ignored her and closed his eyes again. He needed to concentrate. He squished his face up, grit his teeth, and hunkered down as he focused on just teleporting away.
“What’s dorkboy doing?”
“He’s concentrating on teleporting across the room.”
There was a long pause in which nothing happened.
“Uh, huh. Well, don’t concentrate too much harder you loser. You just might end up pooping your pants.”
Concentration totally blown, Xander opened his eyes and scowled over at the beautiful cheerleader that starred in many of his hormonal fantasies. He ignored the tittering blonde and redhead snickering on the far side of the table.
“Thank you Cordy, for that lovely mental image and the overwhelming support I’ve come to expect from you.”WHAM!
Giles slammed a thick book down on the table hard. Xander let out a girly scream and flinched away. *crack**pop*
Only to land on the floor with a loud thump.
“Ugh…” Xander moaned about the sudden pain in his bottom from where it had hit the floor unexpectedly.
“Holy Moley! He actually teleported!”
“I think he’s in Giles’ office.”
“Eep! He’s naked! Naked Xander bits on display!”
Xander looked up from the floor to see that he was indeed lying on the floor of Giles’ office. And yes, he was also naked. All three girls were there with their backs turned to him. Suddenly, Giles arm reached towards him between Buffy and Willow, Xander’s clothes dangling from his hand.
“Yes, well. Sorry about that.”
Giles cleared his throat even as Xander peeled himself up off the floor.
“I thought maybe it was necessary to startle you to get you to, uh, manifest this new, um, power. I really had no idea that you’d leave your clothing behind.”