Title: But He is a Vampire!
Author: Jmaria
Rating: FR-15
Disclaimer: I do not own in any shape or form: Harry Potter, The Twilight Saga, or the Underworld Series. (Though I did wish I owned two of them - well, the third too, but only for the cash-y goodness) (or Kim Possible, apparently.)
Summary: But I’m telling you, Cedric Diggory is a vampire! He’s only had to transfer schools!
A/N: Um, crack!fic? Totally. And this right here, is reason I should not do research while pondering fic and trying to watch Eclipse. It leads to insanity based ficlets of epic wackiness. Also, it leads to me thinking of where Dead!character actors go after they leave the HP universe (or, what they were before).

But He is a Vampire!

Harry, Hermione and Ron were looking at her as if she’d lost all of her marbles. And to be quite honest, it wasn’t the first time she’d come up to them saying something ridiculously barmy.

“What?” Harry shook his head, not able to follow her words.

“Cedric Diggory’s quite alive,” Luna tapped a chipped nail against her lip. “Of course, he’s one of the undead. So it could be argued at he’s not technically alive.”

“Lu,” Ron looked hopelessly between his friends. “Voldemort killed Cedric years ago during the Triwizard Tournament. Harry brought his body back to Hogwarts, remember?”

“But that’s why I’m quite sure he’s a vampire. He hasn’t aged a day since he was killed. Though, it’s probably best not to tell Cho. I believe he’s romantically entangled with a brunette named Becca.”

“You didn’t try and speak with this - Cedric-like vampire, did you Luna?” Hermione asked, frowning nervously at her. It was never good to just walk up and start speaking to unknown vampires.

“Oh, I did. He seemed elated to go about by his old name. Though it was odd to see him roaming about town during the day.”

“Is this like that time with Scrimgeour? She thinks he’s undead and living as a vampire too,” Ron whispered.

“Oh, no, Scrimgeour is unfortunately quite dead,” Luna smiled sadly. “Although, you’ll be pleased to know that he is in part responsible for the new hybridization of vampires and lycans. Poor deluded Viktor.”

“What’s Krum got to do with vampires?” Ron frowned.

“Nothing. Scrimgeour borrowed Krum's first name, you see, and presented himself as the elder Viktor. Honestly, can you imagine a vampire named Rufus being intimidating? Why, it only brings to mind furless mole-rats! And while they superior intelligence agents, they do lack the proper skill set to be intimidating.”