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The Consequences Of A Letter

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This story is No. 2 in the series "From Hogwarts To The Discworld And Back Again". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: A greasy git mused, *I wonder if I can manipulate things so that all of those idiots manage to wipe each other out, including that Potter brat, leaving me the sole survivor. Headmaster Snape, Vanquisher of Voldemort. That has a rather nice ring to it.*

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Non-BtVS/AtS Stories > Crossover: Other(Recent Donor)ManchesterFR13912,91912517,97929 Dec 1017 Jan 11Yes

Chapter Nine

As the older of the two girls finished drawing the last of the runes along the edges of the casting circle, Hermione Granger got back upon her feet, her knees cracking from the adjustment in her posture. Ignoring this sound, the Ravenclaw student instead proudly regarded their work.

The enormous disk drawn on the floor of the forgotten room inside Hogwarts Castle had its outer boundary completely covered with magical runes that Hermione and her best friend had spent weeks researching in the castle library. Still, if they pulled this off, the pair would have accomplished the most impressive school project in the last few decades. Plus, they’d finally find out just what had happened a couple of years ago.

An intent expression now flashed across the bushy-haired girl’s features, as she contemplated the satisfaction of again learning something denied to herself. Back when she’d been a Firstie, Hermione had been too excited about her entry into the magical world, not to mention an enchanted castle, to pay all that much attention to the uproar that had presently been shaking the entire British wizarding society. She’d been concentrating upon her studies then, without wondering exactly why there seemed to be so many new teachers and staff at their positions in Hogwarts. By the time Hermione had become interested about this, people had become settled in and they were reluctant to discuss the past scandal with a mere student.

It also didn’t help that Hermione had annoyed the rest of her house by her obsessive personality and drive to be the most exceptional pupil in the entire castle. Even for Ravenclaws, the possession of intelligence, cleverness, knowledge, and wit could be overdone, particularly by a Muggleborn that had a penchant to be smug about surpassing her competitors. It wound up with a young girl gaining the highest marks in every classes, and not a single friend in any of them. The other houses quickly made up their collective mind about that Granger brain, and they either ignored her or gleefully mocked someone who couldn’t understand why she was being given the cold shoulder by everybody.

A very miserable Hermione had spent the summer holidays wondering if things would be different when she took the Hogwarts Express for her second year in Scotland. When the girl had wandered through the railcar corridors during that journey, she found everyone happily occupied with catching up with each other about their lives, and taking no notice of the Ravenclaw student, who’d dejectedly headed back to her lonely compartment, only to find another girl sitting in her seat, blankly staring out of the window at the passing countryside. As Hermione had stood uncertainly in the doorway, an ash-blonde head turned, staring at the dentists’ daughter with silverly eyes, as the strange girl dreamily said, “Hello. I’m Luna Lovegood.”

For the next couple of years at Hogwarts, you couldn’t have separated Hermione and Luna with the strongest Reducto spell possible. The pair of girls were overjoyed at finally finding someone who was willing to be their friend, and they were very good for each other. Hermione’s overall bossiness and attempts at controlling everything around herself were either placidly accepted by Luna or simply ignored in that other girl’s absentmindness, which tended to somewhat restrain a rather taken-aback Hermione, much to the relief of the other Ravenclaws. It was also quickly understood by the rest of this house, not to mention the entire castle, that any attempts to harass Luna Lovegood would result in the tormentors being hit with some of the most vicious hexes ever seen, dreamed up by a previously timid young witch who now had someone to protect.

As time passed, it all ended up with a fifth-year duo discussing what they could submit as their end of term project. Hermione wanted to do something really impressive, and Luna was willing enough to go along. However, neither could come up with anything truly extraordinary, until after hours of brainstorming, Hermione had absently commented she’d never understood what all the fuss had been about in the wizarding world a few years back. Luna had to admit that neither she nor her father, the publisher of the wizarding world newspaper, the Quibbler, knew all that much either, since they’d both been engrossed with the sudden infestation of numerous Nargles in locations where these creatures had never been seen before, such as Yorkshire and Lancashire. Naturally, this was much more interesting than what other humans had been doing back then, even with the possibility of Harry Potter coming to Hogwarts.

“Who’s Harry Potter?” asked a puzzled Hermione.

Three months later, two very excited young women took their places at the opposite ends of the casting circle, and they began chanting the proper words of their spell to summon Harry Potter to Hogwarts Castle, no matter where he was or what he was doing. As Hermione and Luna continued to utter the necessary magical phrases, the runes inscribed along the boundary of the circle on the room floor began to slowly glow, indicating the girls were correctly performing their absolutely unauthorized charm. Also glowing was the most vital part of their spell, the sheet of paper placed in the exact middle of the casting circle, which would act as the necessary link to find and collect someone the pair of Ravenclaw students were most anxious to question. It was only when that specific document on the castle floor had been discovered in the school files and, er, borrowed by the pair of girls (It wasn’t stealing! After all, they were just moving that paper to another room in Hogwarts, so it was still in the same place, right?), that Hermione and Luna had felt confident enough their spell would indeed work.

Which, as shown by the increasing glow of both the paper and the casting circle runes, seemed to be correct, as a thrilled Hermione and Luna now finished their spell, shouting at the top of their lungs in unison. In the next instant, an immense flash of pure white light burst throughout the room, momentarily blinding the young women, who reached up to rub their eyes, as they then eagerly peered towards the center of the casting circle.



As he continued scrubbing his back with a long-handled brush, Harry Potter enjoyed how his deep voice resounded throughout the shower cubicle and the entire bathroom when he hit the high notes from “A Wizard’s Staff Has A Knob On The End.” Ducking his face into the spray from the front shower head, Harry let the water flow over his face while concentrating upon remembering the next few lines, especially the newest stanza that had been created in honor of Sirius Black, known fondly to one and all at Rosie Palm’s as “Good Doggy.”

Switching from his back to his front, Harry idly scratched his chin with the brush’s bristles. Considering his sixteenth birthday was coming up in just a few weeks, the young wizard thought it very likely that if Sirius had anything to do about it, Harry’s celebration of his entrance into adulthood would probably end up at that house of negotiable affection. The older man would also undoubtedly be deep in his cups and happily tossing enough gold around to hire the entire contingent of seamstresses in that place, to make Harry’s introduction to the pleasures of the fairer sex a truly memorable one. Though, with any luck, Sirious would at least be sober enough to engage only the human women working at that place.

Grinning at the thought of the forthcoming antics of his godfather, and the resulting sardonic remarks this would surely cause Remus to utter, Harry grabbed for the bar of soap resting in the tiled hollow set in the shower wall with his free hand. He started lathering up his chest, and then Harry smirked as he glanced down at an impressive body that showed he’d likely become earlier and more experienced in carnal affairs than the older generation might have ever guessed.

Years of eating big dinners at the wizard’s table in the Great Hall of Unseen University had finally caused a growth spurt that had brought Harry out of the small stature created by the malnutrition he’d suffered at the Dursleys. He’d not only shot up, he’d grown out in various dimensions -- front and back and sideways -- until a disbelieving Sirius and Remus both confirmed that Harry now had a few inches on his father, and a lot more muscles, to boot. Those specific parts of his new body were used much more often than the usual unhealthy run of wizard at UU, since unlike them, the stepson of the Librarian was firmly informed by that orangutan: “Oook.”

Harry didn’t actually need this stern command, what with an entire city out beyond the university’s walls, just filled up with an enormous amount of fascinating trouble to get into and put him in tip-top shape. Accompanying the trainee Assassins in their practice scaling of the city’s walls and buildings, working out with the City Watchmen which included such powerhouses as Captain Carrot and Sergeant Detritus, and assisting his stepfather with restraining some of the more belligerent encyclopedias in the Library all contributed to giving Harry “Oook” Potter a very fit body that was now enjoying its shower--

In a bright flash of light, the water flowing over Harry’s nude form abruptly ended, as the young wizard stood there frozen, frantically blinking away the fading spots that had momentarily blocked his sight. About to hastily glance around himself, Harry’s attention was instead caught by something lying there on the floor, right between his legs. Peering down with his brilliant green eyes that had long ago been cured of his bad vision, Harry stared at a sheet of paper on the stone floor, easily reading from this the first few lines that seemed oddly familiar:

Dear Professor McGonagall,

I am replying to your letter in order to clear up several of your miscomprehensions.

Firstly, I am not going to attend Hogwarts under any possible circumstances.

Secondly, I am not 'eager to begin my magical education.'


That was as far as an increasingly-horrified Harry got, as the enormous gob of soap lather that had been shielding his modesty so far now finally succumbed to gravity, sliding off to plop onto the face of the exact same rejection letter that a little boy had written so many years ago. That much-bigger (in all descriptions) boy then bitterly said, “Oh, bugger.”

This produced simultaneous shocked gasps from either side of Harry, who now frantically twisted his head back and forth, to witness two very pretty girls standing there several yards away, about his age, who both had eyes as wide as saucers while continued to fixedly stare at him, as with extremely odd feelings suddenly blossoming deep inside their bodies, Hermione Granger and Luna Lovegood wondered if this recent comment from that stark-naked stranger with the body of a god had instead been an offer by him towards themselves.

If so…. Yes! Yes! YES!

The End

You have reached the end of "The Consequences Of A Letter". This story is complete.

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