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The Hellmouth is a Bang!

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Summary: Another YAHF, yet this time, Ethan gives Xander a costume that causes a Sunnydale. (On Hold)

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Anime > NarutoTheHarlequinFR1844,36411911,92710 Jan 1111 Sep 11No

The Whole SheBang

A*N* - Once again, I own nothing. Sorry for not updating in a while, I got caught up in school and work.

Xander stared at his reflection, making a slight face. He had shorn the long blonde hair to shoulder length and while it looked better, it was still a little girly. He refused to cut it too much, he didn’t want to end up looking like the Kyuubi no Gaki.

Xander face-palmed. He was thinking like Deidara again. He put the kunai down and pulled the shoulder length hair into a low rat-tail. He grimaced and pulled it out before pulling a small amount into Deidara’s top-knot-esque style leaving the rest to fall around his shoulders. Fuck it, he didn’t have time to stand in front of the mirror all day like an Uchiha. Xander snorted and pulled on a black t-shirt to go with the black jeans and hit some kunai on his person. He strapped on his clay pouch and vaulted out of the window to head to the highschool.

He walked into the library.

“Morning G-man, un.”

“Good morning Xander”

The blonde threw himself into his chair and saw the clay spider he’d left on the table last night. He pushed it around with his finger, charging it with a little chakra and it started to scuttle around on the table.

The door swung open and Willow walked in. She stopped and blinked at Xander.

“Wow Xan, you’re here way early.”

The blonde sighed looking grumpy.

“It’s a ninja thing, once the sun rises, I can’t sleep anymore. I’ve jogged around town, cut my hair and showered. Still way too early.”

Willow giggled.

“Well, there IS an upside to this ninja thing.”

Xander glared and the redhead laughed. The blonde scowled deeper and crossed his arms, sulking in his seat.

“Oh, Xander?”

The blonde looked up as Giles came out of his office.

“Yeah, un?”

“ I wanted to test the extent of your physical abilities. If you would come to the library during your free period with Buffy to spar, please.”

Xander thought about it, picking up the spider off the table.

“Yeah, okay, un.”

Xander showed up at his break and paused outside of library doors.

“Giles, are you seriously wanting to me to spar against Xander? He’ll get hurt! No way whatever Ninja person he dressed up as, he’s not possibly as strong as a Slayer.”

Xander sighed and slammed the door open startling the Watcher and his Slayer. There was a presence of dark chakra in the upper stacks, Xander figured it was Deadboy.

“Actually, most ninja are very strong. They’re trained that way from a young age.”

Buffy glared at him for eavesdropping but Xander didn’t even flinch, he just undid his clay pouch and sat it on one of the tables. He unarmed himself completely, even though he was annoyed at Buffy, he wasn’t going to pull a kunai on her.

“Good Lord Xander, you had all that on while in school?”

Blue eyes locked on him.

“I feel….unsafe without them.”

Giles blinked at him and nodded. Xander drew closer to them, his footsteps not making a sound.

“Why is Deadboy here, un?”

Giles blinked at him.


“I can sense him.”

“You can…..really?”

Xander nodded.

“He is a mass of dark chakra……kuso teme..”

“Watch your mouth….boy.”

Angel leaned against the rail scowling darkly at the blonde. He made Xander feel like Deidara felt when confronted with Itachi. Xander didn’t like that at all.

“You wanted me to spar with Buffy, un?”

Giles blinked at the sudden change in attitude and nodded.

“Yes, just hand to hand for now.”

Buffy crossed her arms stubbornly . Xander sighed and looked at her.

“Surely you’re not scared of me….are you Buff?”

The Slayer scowled at the goad and determined that Xander needed to be taught a lesson. Not only about how dangerous a Slayer could be, but not to badmouth her boyfriend. She was up in a flash and attacked the blonde. Xander caught the fist meant for his head and just smiled at the Slayer.

“Going to have to do better than that, un.”

Buffy growled and swung again harder and to her it seemed Xander disappeared in thin air. Xander landed on the rail, not making a sound. He was just as amazed as Giles was, though not surprised. If Deidara could take on Team Gai with no arms, one Slayer wouldn’t be a problem. Xander leaned forward slightly and Angel’s haymaker brushed the top of his ponytail. He looked sideways.

“Ah ah ah, Deadboy, that’s cheating, un. This is between me and Buffy.”

Angel attempted to punch him again and Xander dodged out of the way. Xander punched the vampire knocking him over the railing and did a side flip to land back in front of Buffy. He had memories of fighting Uchiha Sasuke, he had memories of almost winning against Uchiha Sasuke and the Slayer and her pet vampire moved like genin. His instincts were telling him to put them both down, permanently, but he knew better. They weren’t his enemies and he wasn’t Deidara, he wasn’t going to kill them or turn them into true art, but he was going to teach them both a lesson.
Giles watched stunned as Xander disappeared in a flash and caught Buffy by the throat and held her of the ground. Angel lunged and Xander threw her into him. Buffy picked up a sword and got up off of Angel. Xander disappeared when she swung at his head and she felt a strong fist grasp her wrist and twist the blade out of her grip. She was about to wrench out of his grip when she felt a sharp point at her throat.
Angel paused when he saw Xander holding the kunai to Buffy’s throat, a bead of blood rolling down her neck from her aborted movement. The look in the former jokester’s eyes chilled his unbeating heart. The blue orbs were almost emotionless, slightly annoyed, but otherwise emotionless. He knew that Xander was proving a point.

“ I believe that is enough Xander, let her go.”

Xander flitted away from the girl, who swung as soon as her wrist was released. He appeared on the railing looking at the three.

“I do not suggest thinking of me as the old Xander anymore. I have the memories of a man who was trained from age six to be a tool of Death. Stop trying
to teach me a lesson, or you will be the one getting taught, and I make sure my lessons stick, un.”

"Were we even a challenge to you?"

Xander looked at Angel sharply, then replied with a small grin.

"Iie, you are like genin, children, to me. Sure you have the skill and supernatural strength, but you are not on par with what Deidara's used to."

Angel’s eyes widened and Xander laughed. He slipped off the railing and walked over to the table to re-arm himself.

“Did you learn what you wanted to, G-man?”

Giles took off his glasses to polish them.

“I-I should say that I have Xander, thankyou for your time.”

“It’s nothing, see you later.”

Xander walked out the doors with his hands stuffed in his jeans pockets. Once the doors stop swinging Buffy screamed in rage and slammed her hand on
the table, collapsing it.

The End?

You have reached the end of "The Hellmouth is a Bang!" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 11 Sep 11.

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