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Of Faith and Buffy

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Summary: AU: Faith is the kid of Teddy Lupin and Victoire, Buffy is with that family as well.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Faith-Centered > Theme: Real FamilyDmitriFR71015,170022,67424 Jan 1122 Dec 11Yes

How Faith and Buffy participated in a holiday show

How Faith and Buffy participated in a holiday show

Disclaimer: see previous chapters.

All schools celebrate Christmas. Hogwarts, despite being a school of witchcraft and wizardry, was no exception.
This year, the teaching staff (and the alumni) decided to surprise the student body by play-acting the book of Alexandre Dumas, “The Three Musketeers”.

Teddy, of course, was playing the hero – the brave musketeer D’Arthagnon. He had forged his own rapier. Great-grandmother Andromeda had sown him a musketeer’s cape with a white cross on the back. Finally, he transmogrified a trio of hats into one, but a very handsome one, with a great white feather stuck in it.

In short, Teddy Lupin made a great musketeer.

Stephen Hart was persuaded to play the part of duke Roshfor, a rather unpleasant character and the cardinal’s number one henchman. And Horatio Slughorn played the role of the cardinal, naturally.

Since then, Teddy and Stephen were fencing all the time. At a drop of a hat one of them would cry out – “Your sword, you wretch!” – and would begin to fence. They fenced so well, that they broke two of the school’s windows and shredded one chair into dust. Argus Filch the caretaker, though he had mellowed out a bit recently, had clearly reverted back to his old character and cursed for five minutes, before denouncing:

“The windows can be repaired. But the chair should be just thrown out.”

Yet he took the shards of the chair and carried them to his own rooms – he was just so fond of school property!

Victoire, of course, played the queen of France. Firstly, she was very beautiful (though her mother, Fleur Weasley, was even more so). Secondly, she was very fluent in the French language (thanks to her mother again). Thirdly, she had kept her beautiful bridal dress and could still fit into it. The dress was white with stars. Only French queens and veelas could wear something like that, and only on certain occasions.

Aberforth Dumbledore, though he did not work at Hogwarts, was persuaded into being the king of France. He was both respectable and stern, just as a real king should be. Nobody else would be able to pull it off in face of the students.

Everyone was satisfied with his or her parts. Everyone practiced after classes. Teddy and Victoire would sometimes take Faith and Buffy with them. The pair would just sit under the piano located at the corner of the stage. Faith was listening to everything very attentively, but Buffy constantly tried to grab anyone by his or her legs.

Still, sometimes there were inconsistencies. For example, sometimes his majesty the king of France Aberforth Dumbledore would say in his royal voice:

“Where is my loyal minister of the court, marquis de Bourville?”

His courtiers would reply, all sounding very sad:

“He’s gone. Poisoned by the enemy’s patty, he died a week ago!”

Meanwhile, however, the good marquis, a.k.a Argus Filch the caretaker, clad in his noble clothing made out of an old school velvet curtain, falls suddenly to the king’s feet. That is because he was standing next to the piano, and Buffy grabbed him by a boot.

“Looks like they did a very poor job,” the king Louis XVI says sternly, “since he’s trying to ruin our court by his clumsy fall. Get him out of our sight and poison him properly!”

Filch was naturally cross with Buffy:

“Send this menagerie back to Mrs. Tonks. For how long must we endure them here?”

“We would’ve,” Victoire confessed, “but Andromeda’s getting too old to handle them. Last time the three of them were together, they almost burned the house down. While the girls are here, it’s better for us.”

But Buffy was most interested in the royal jewelery. As one remembers, the king gave queen some very impressive jewel pieces for her birthday. They were beautiful and they had diamonds. The queen, however, was a flirt. Instead of hanging onto them, she handed them over to one duke of Buckingham of England. She really fancied that duke. The king, however, she did not fancy at all. But the annoying and treacherous duke-cardinal Richelieu – remember, Argus Filch the caretaker – he told the king everything. And, he often said:

“Why don’t your majesty ask her majesty where is your gift? I daresay she will have nothing to say!”

That is when the main conflict of the novel began. The queen must have replied that the king’s gift was in the repair shop and will return soon. The king said – “Then you must put them on. We will have a royal ball soon. Please wear my presents, or else it’s all over between us.”

And then the queen asks the brave D’Arthagnon to bring her her gift back from the duke. He does that, he brings it all back, and the show’s over.

Now, Buffy was not interested in the general show, unlike those specific jewels. She literally could not look away from them. She never saw anything so beautiful in her entire life.

And then this happened.

The time of festivities was almost upon Hogwarts. Teddy and Victoire began to prepare to go there. They dressed up, they combed their hair. Teddy began to fasten his rapier. Andromeda began to prepare to put Faith and Buffy to bed.

Suddenly, Victoire spoke:

“And where’re my jewels?”

“What do you mean?” Teddy was confused. “They’re lying in the box next to the mirror.”

“The box is there, but it is empty!” Victoire spoke up.

“Then we must Buffy,” Teddy made a decision. “Buffy, Buffy, come here!”

Buffy no go. She sat in her bed, huddled in her mat. Teddy took Buffy and brought her into the light. More precisely, he sat her upon a well-illuminated chair.

“Buffy, open your mouth!”

Buffy still no go. She does not open her mouth, more precisely. Teddy tried to force her mouth open. Buffy began to growl.

“I say!” Teddy spoke up. “She was never like this before! Buffy, give up, or else!”

Buffy still no go. So, Teddy brought open a table spoon and began to force Buffy’s mouth open. He forced it open just wide enough for Buffy to bite that spoon in two.

“Oho!” Teddy proclaimed. “This time Buffy doesn’t joke around. What else can we do?”

“Not a lot,” Victoire admitted. “We’ve got to take her to Hogwarts with us. We don’t have time for anything else!”

Faith just had to put her two knuts in at this point.

“Me too! Take me too!”

“But you didn’t eat anything wrong!” Teddy protested.

“No, but I still can!”

“Just what are you saying?” Victoire snapped. “Fine, little lady, get dressed in a hurry. We need to get to Hogwarts before the holiday hours!”

Andromeda had enough:

“Are you insane? To take children outside on a winter’s night? Not to mention - to Hogwarts, at such an ungodly hour!”

Teddy responded:

“Great-grandma, please don’t grumble, but join us. It’s going to be a family event!”

Andromeda did not stop grumbling per se, but she began to dress up as well.

“Should I take the chamber pot as well?”

“What chamber pot!” Teddy all but yelled. “The school’s toilets are finally fine and basilisk-free – we don’t need to take our own pots there!”

In short, the entire family arrived at Hogwarts just 30 minutes before the designated hour. Headmistress Minerva McGonagall was naturally quite concerned.

“What took you so long? We were so worried!”

Professor Slughorn put his two bits in as well:

“Put your kids into the teachers’ lounge and go to the scene! We’re practicing for the last time!”

Andromeda took Faith and Buffy to the lounge. Many suits and coats were lying there on the sofas. Andromeda stuck Faith and Buffy into those suits:

“Go to sleep. If something interesting will come along, we’ll wake you up.”

And so Faith and Buffy fell asleep.

Meanwhile, the audience had gathered. The music (played by Celestine Warbeck and her cronies) began to play, and the show went on. Hogwarts’ staff made quite a good acting troop. The musketeers guarded the king. And they rescued everyone as well. They were clever and kind. The guards of cardinal Richelieu, however, were doing all sort of villainy; they arrested everyone and threw them in prison.

Teddy constantly fought with duke Stephen. Sparks practically flew off their rapier – and Teddy usually won. Richelieu’s affairs grew worse and worse. And then Richelieu learned of the queen’s misplaced jewelery. He learned of that by the milady, played by none other than the headmistress of Hogwarts herself.

And so Richelieu approached the king and said:

“Why don’t your majesty ask her majesty where is your gift? I daresay she will have nothing to say!”

The queen indeed had nothing to say. She immediately summoned Teddy D’Arthagnon and told him:

“Ah, my dear D’Arthagnon! You must immediately go to England and get them back! Otherwise, I am doomed!”

D’Arthagnon replied:

“I won’t permit! Nor will other musketeers! Wait for me, and I’ll be back!”

He got on his horse and rode straight behind the curtains, to the lounge. There he grabbed Buffy by her neck and got back to the scene, where now the palace of duke of Buckingham was located. The rich binds, the candles, the crystals brought from home - the entire works. And the duke was really sad.

D’Arthagnon asks him, naturally:

“Why are you, duke, so sad? Did something happen?”

The duke replies:

“Why, I had the diamonds of the queen of France, but they vanished somewhere!”

D’Arthagnon replies:

“I know where they are. That is why I came here in the first place. But don’t you worry any, your grace. Your favorite monkey has swallowed them up. I saw it myself. I mean, your lackeys told me.”

“And where’s the monkey now?” the duke said, brightening up.

“The monkey’s on your table, eating a candle.”

The duke whirled around, grabbed the monkey and told D’Arthagnon.

“Dear musketeer, take this monkey and the jewels to the queen of France. Two gifts in one!”

“And what’s the monkey’s name?” the famous musketeer asks.

“Oh, a very beautiful English name – Elizabeth!”

“Oh, I daresay her majesty will appreciate young Elizabeth very much. She’s really into animals.”

Teddy grabbed young Elizabeth and rode back to France. There the royal ball was in a full swing. The queen was very worried – her jewels were nowhere. Richelieu was smug, rubbing his hands. And the king was constantly asking:

“So where’s the jewelery, my dear? I just don’t see it!”

“In a minute,” the queen would reply and just stare at the door.

It was then that D’Arthagnon came back.

“Here’s the jewelery, my queen! Your maid had sent them to you complete with your monkey.”

“How come?”

“The monkey put them into its cheek pouches and won’t give them up.”

Then queen gives the monkey to the king.

“Your majesty, here’s Elizabeth with the crown jewels. Extract them if you want to be sure!”

And Elizabeth was growling like an animal twice her size. She does not want to give. The king says, then:

“Oh I believe, but the cardinal’s the real doubting Tom. He can check it out!”

Elizabeth was passed over to Richelieu. Only, Richelieu was very clever himself. He ordered that over two pounds of nuts and a couple of lighters were brought onto the scene via a tray. Elizabeth, as soon as she saw all these riches, pulled the jewelery out and began to put her new toys instead.

Richelieu took the now-slimy jewelery with two fingers, took them into the light.

“They’re the real deal. This one goes to you, musketeers! But I will have my revenge, twenty years hence!”

The curtains fell. The success was astounding. The noise from the applause was so great, that even Faith woke in the lounge.

“What, what did I miss?”

Well, technically, Faith did miss a lot. But she still had a lot of fun. She got many gifts from both the students and the teachers. She watched the lighting of the Christmas tree with the students. And Buffy sat on the tree, licking the tree decorations.


The End

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