Where Buffy did come from
Where Buffy did come fromDisclaimer: None of the characters are mine, but belong to their respective owners.
Once upon a time there was the Lupin-Tonks family. It had four people in it (discounting the family’s godfather, Harry Potter and their distant cousins, the Malfoys): Teddy Lupin (the father), Victoire Lupin (the mother), Faith Lupin (the daughter) and Andromeda Tonks (the great-grandmother and the matriarch of the family). Teddy and Victoire were teachers in Hogwarts. And Andromeda Tonks had long retired from her job by now.
Needless to say, there was no other girl who had so much teaching during her childhood. By all means, Faith Lupin should’ve grown-up to be the best-behaving girl in the world. But – she wasn’t. When she wasn’t kidnapping the hatchlings of the Ravenclaws’ mascot and trying to raise it as a family pet, she would get into fights with her cousins close and distant so that time-out would actually be required.
Therefore, great-grandmother Andromeda was never far away from little Faith, at three to four feet of distance at best. It was rather like the minister of magic, Kingsley Shacklebolt, and his bodyguard – but that’s a story for another time.
Teddy Lupin would say from time to time.
“How can I teach arithmancy to other children, if I can’t get my own under control?”
Andromeda would always reply to that:
“She’s just small, give her time. When she’ll grow up, she’ll stop fighting with boys.”
“Yes, and will start flirting. This is worse.”
And so, once upon a time, Teddy was walking past Knockturn alley, when he noticed an unknown wizard offer something to the passer-by in accented English. The people would stop, gawk, talk among each other, but no deal. Teddy too got curious and came closer. The wizard turned to him and spoke:
“Good Englishman, would you like to buy this live monkey off our hands? She’s quite lively and lovely, but gets sea-sick when we’re at sea. And when she’s sea-sick, she tries to fix it by fixing something else.”
“So how much will she cost me?”
“None!” the wizard replied, thrusting the animal to Mr. Lupin. Why, I’ll give you insurance! Our little pet is insured! If something will happen to her, a disease, or she’ll vanish, our insurance company will pay you a thousand galleons!”
Teddy cheerfully accepted the monkey and gave the other wizard his business-card, stating that he was one Teddy Lupin, living in London, England.
The wizard nodded, and gave Mr. Lupin his card, stating that he was Davy Jones and lived on the Flying Dutchman. Then they left each other’s company looking highly pleased with this interaction.
And so Teddy Lupin came home, but there was nobody there – Andromeda took her great-granddaughter to play outside. Consequently, he left the monkey there and went to get them. And naturally, he brought them there and said:
“Behold! How do you like the surprise I got us?”
Andromeda was surprised, as a matter of fact:
“Hmm. All of our furniture is upside down – is that your idea of a surprise, young man?”
Indeed, all of the chairs, tables, and even the TV (a memento of Andromeda’s late muggle-born husband, the original Ted Tonks) were lying upside-down, as if Peeves the Poltergeist came over and had a party. But there was no Peeves, but just the monkey, as it sat on the ceiling’s candela-bra and licked its’ lamps.
Faith immediately called out:
“Oh! Oh! Hi! I’m Faith! Who’re you?”
The monkey, of course, didn’t reply (this wasn’t that sort of a monkey), but she did get down to Faith, and the two of them began to hug like some long-lost friends.
“So, what’s her name?” great-grandmother Andromeda grudgingly asked Teddy.
“I have no idea. Winky, or Binky, or Pinky-“
“These are house-elf names,” Andromeda said firmly, “this is no house-elf!”
“Yeah, but we cannot give a hippogriff’s name, can we? Or a dog’s for that matter. Do you have any ideas?”
“Sure do. See the colour of her fur? That’s how we’re going to call her – Buffy. Hello, Buffy!”
The monkey blinked, looked at itself, climbed onto the aged witch and gave her a hug. That name – Buffy – was clearly up to her liking.
And then Faith took her new friend and led Buffy to show-off her – or rather, their – room and all the toys that were in there as well. Andromeda followed them from habit. Sure enough, there was Faith, playing with one of her dolls, and there was Buffy, aping Faith using a toy truck as a substitute for the doll.
Buffy was already dressed-up. She had a hat with a pom-pom, a t-shirt and Faith’s rubber boots for a rainy day walk.
Andromeda just sighed:
“Okay, Miss Buffy, it’s time for your meal.”
“Of what?” Teddy asked. “I mean, it’s hard to get bananas at the Diagon-alley, either with using magic or not.”
“You should’ve thought of this before, mister!” replied Andromeda. “Instead, we might have to with potatoes!”
Besides potatoes (both boiled and raw) Andromeda served sausage, bread, raw herring, a herring sandwich, and a boiled egg. Then she put Buffy onto the table as well and uttered:
“Ready, set, go!”
And Buffy began to eat. She ate sausage and bread, she ate potatoes both boiled and raw, she ate herring and a herring sandwich and the boiled egg (complete with the shell that Andromeda forgot to remove earlier). She failed to finish the egg, though, as she fell asleep from all the excitement.
Seeing that, Teddy took her off the table and put her next to the TV, where Buffy was joined by Faith, who began to watch the television as well.
It was then that Victoire arrived and said:
“Oh my, what a life-like monkey! Did Harry Potter was here today?”
Having been an orphan when he was growing up, Harry Potter liked to spoil kids of his friends and relations – quite a few of Faith’s toys had been given to her by him.
“What a pretty monkey! This wasn’t made in Diagon-alley toy shops, was it?” Victoire continued as she picked Buffy up. “Kind of heavy though. Does it do anything?”
“Oh yes,” Teddy said vaguely. “Lots!”
“What do you mean, ‘lots’? Teddy Lupin, did you do something crazy again?”
It was at this moment that Buffy woke-up and gave Victoire a hug, startling her:
“Eeek! It’s alive! Where did you get it?!”
Teddy sighed and produced the paperwork that showed that he had got their monkey from Davy Jones of the Flying Dutchman ship. This served to calm Victoire down, somewhat.
“At least it – she – knows how to get along with people,” Mrs. Lupin admitted. “Does she need bananas, though?”
“Nope! Well, yes, but she looked just as happy with a herring sandwich,” Andromeda explained to her granddaughter-in-law.
“Well, is she potty-trained, then?”
“Now this we haven’t found out yet,” Andromeda admitted. “Looks like it’s time for another experiment.”
The experiment consisted of Buffy being given a potty. The monkey promptly took it and put it on her head, looking a bit like Joan of Arc, armed and ready to lead troops into battle.
“That’s not very promising,” Victoire blinked. “In fact, it can be catastrophic-“
“Oh, hold your wailing, girl!” Andromeda snapped. “Let’s try again!” She handed Buffy the second potty, which the latter promptly used as it should be used.
And that settled it – Buffy became a part of the Lupin-Tonks family!TBC...