Title: Honeymoon in Hogsmeade
Rating: PG or PG-13 (I’m not really sure)
Spoilers: BTVS through the end and HP through OotP.
Warning: Set in the future. Let’s say, 2-3 years after the finale of “Buffy,” and Harry & Hermione have been aurors for two years (so, they’ve graduated Hogwarts & whatever wizarding college they went to & finished training – maybe they’re 25?).
Summary: Rita Skeeter will do anything--almost-- to get a story.
Pairing: Rita Skeeter & Riley Finn.
Disclaimer: I own nothing; all characters belong to Joss Whedon or J.K. Rowling. This is for entertainment purposes only, no copyright infringement intended.
Author’s Note: Response to “Rita Skeeter and Riley Extended Mega Challenge of Death” (see http://www.silentobsession.com/forums2/viewtopic.php?t=99 for original challenge. Full details of the challenge can also be found at the end of the fic.) Sorry, I couldn’t work in all the requested details, this was the best I could do.
Written because I’m snowed in and bored (and have writer’s block for my other story).
Riley Finn loved his wife. Her inquisitiveness was endearing, and he adored her stiff blond curls. He even loved seeing her in her robes—perhaps they were a little shabby, but that just proved that Rita Skeeter was more than a pretty face. No, there was substance to his wife, and a keen intelligence behind her piercing eyes. Their courtship was almost a blur in his mind. Riley could barely remember falling in love with his wife – she told him it was love at first sight. Of course it was-- how else could you explain marrying someone only hours after meeting her? Really, it was like a Cinderella story.
They were staying at the Leaky Cauldron for their honeymoon. Riley Finn kneeled down next to the chair his beloved occupied. “Darling, can I get you another snickerdoodle?” He asked lovingly, barely noticing how the prison riot gear he was wearing got in the way. No, he was so besotted that he didn’t notice his wife set up a Quick Quotes Quill on the table next to her.
Rita smiled. ‘Oh, this is almost too easy,’ she thought to herself. “Yes, my sweet. But please, don’t stop telling me more about this ‘vampire slayer’ of yours,” she replied while debated which news outlet to sell her story to: The Daily Prophet or The Wizarding Wireless News. To finally get proof of the vampire slayer’s existence – long thought to be a muggle myth—that story would put her career back on track.
Riley popped the confection into his beloved’s mouth and asked. “Which one? There are lots of them now.”
Rita finished the candy. “The first one, of course. I believe her name is Buffy,” she purred as he kissed her neck. ‘If he can keep this pace up all night, I may keep him around even after I finish the story,’ Rita thought. ‘He’s so attractive --even with the scar on his cheek.’
Riley looked up, not wanting to stop kissing he wife, but wanting to answer her question if that’s what it took to please her. “What do you want to know about that blonde chick?”
“Let’s start with the apocalypse.”
Riley frowned. “Again, which one? There have been lots of averted apocalypses over the years.”
Before Rita Skeeter could answer, four people burst into their room, the first nearly pulling the door off of its hinges. “Ooopsies, sometimes I forget how strong I am,” a petite blond said, as she and her companions brushed feathers from their clothes. In addition to the blond woman, there were two brunette women—one in combat fatigues similar to Riley’s, and another dressed in auror’s robes. The man, also wearing auror’s robes, had dark, unkempt hair, a pair of wire-rim glasses and a scar shaped like a lightening bolt on his forehead.
The petite blond continued, “Sorry about the feathers – we were ambushed by a flock of zaustara demons. They’re like, giant demonic poultry or something.”
“Buffy! What a coincidence—I was just telling my wife about you. But who are your friends?” Riley asked.
The woman in fatigues gasped in horror. “You think you’re married to Rita Skeeter? Did you even look at your Sneakoscope in the last four hours?” she demanded.
Riley, confused, searched his pockets for the Sneakoscope. When he looked at the object, the top was spinning wildly, indicating that there was an untrustworthy person nearby. The closer he held the ‘scope to Rita Skeeter, the faster it spun.
“Hello, my partner is Hermione Granger, and I am Harry Potter, we are aurors for the Ministry of Magic,” he said to Riley.
“Accio wand!” Hermione said as Rita Skeeter reached for her wand. “Really, Ms. Skeeter, I’d appreciate it if you cooperated and came with us willingly.”
“But I’d be just as happy if you gave us a reason to drag you away in cuffs,” Harry said almost gleefully.
Riley looked at the scene before him. The love of his life was being arrested by aurors, and Buffy seemed to be helping them. “Just what exactly is going on here? You better have a good reason for interrupting our honeymoon!” Riley yelled at the aurors. He then looked to the woman with Buffy – dressed in the same uniform as his unit. “You look familiar – am I supposed to know you?” he asked, his voice barely a whisper.
“You really don’t recognize me at all?” she asked and turned away.
Riley wondered, ‘Why did she start to cry?’
“Prior incantato,” Hermione said, as she pointed her wand to Rita Skeeter’s.
“A love spell, huh? None of this is real?” Riley looked devastated.
Rita, defiant, spat out “Of course it’s a love spell! I had to do something, didn’t I? The veritas serum I slipped you did nothing! How was I to know you took it in ever increasing doses to build up immunity? And of course, I couldn’t use the Imperio curse – it’s one of the unforgivable curses. I may do anything for a story, but I won’t go to Azkaban for it!
“Wow! I thought denouement scenes like that only happened in cheesy B-movies when the private eye finally solves the case,” Buffy chimed in.
Harry aimed his wand at Riley, and said “finite incantato!”
Riley shook his head, and then his whole body shook as the effects of the love spell wore off. As Hermione and Harry led Rita to the door, she turned around and said, “What, no goodbye kiss?”
“Ack! I’d rather try to shave a cat than kiss you again,” he said in disgust. Riley then turned to Sam Finn, his wife of five years. “Sam, honey, I’m sorry. Can you ever forgive me?”
Sam Finn smiled for the first time since Riley went missing, over four hours ago. “I don’t know, Ri. You’ve been a bad boy—I may have to give you a spanking!”
“Is that a promise?” he said, as Sam twined her arms around his neck and pulled his head down for a kiss.
This is the original challenge:
I have been enjoying reading odd pairings--and my friends and I were trying to think of some of the more--shall we say "difficult"?--pairings possible. Rita Skeeter came to mind, as she is a completely delightful character, and also completely horrible. Who could she be paired with? The possibilities are virtually endless, but my mind goes straight to Riley. They have so little in common on the surface, but oh, the passion that boils just beneath the surface. Rita and Riley. Both their names begin with R. Mere coincidence? I think not. Clearly, these two are meant to be together.
The only absolute rule is that both Harry and Buffy must make at least a cameo appearance. Include feathers in their outfits and you get a cookie.
Extra Points given for including the following words: Cinderella, poultry, prison riot gear, grammophone, snickerdoodle, tulle.
Extra Extra points given if you can work in the following actions: baking a cake, shaving the cat, and calling Buffy "that blonde chick".
You are a complete crossover god if you plausibly include with the following accessory characters in your story: John Crighton (Farscape) and Seth (the O.C.)
You may do to Riley as you will, but if you give him a spanking, I will kiss your feet.
The gauntlet has been tossed. Takers? Laughing