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Summary: … “And I’m not just talking about that Thanksgiving with the syphilis!” Xander bemoaned. One-shots reflecting on Valentine’s Day with all your favorite characters. OPEN TO ALL so feel free to contribute!

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > General(Recent Donor)Luna + 1 otherFR1854,8480204,54914 Feb 1114 Feb 12No

Princess Shinylocks

Title: VD Sucks
Summary: … “And I’m not just talking about that Thanksgiving with the syphilis!” Xander bemoaned. One-shots reflecting on Valentine’s Day with all your favorite characters.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel or any other fandom used here or in future stories

Chapter Title: Princess Shinylocks
Fandoms: Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Lord of the Rings
Pairing: Buffy/Haldir
Genre: Humor

Photo found online via google images. Text is my own. Basically, I just heart the hilarity of this picture ;)

You know your luck with men sucked when you were sucked into a portal on Valentine’s Day.

Not that Buffy did have a valentine. But maybe she could have. Possibly.

All she knew was that at eight o’clock her blind date, set up by Xander and Anya, was supposed to meet her at the Bronze’s top floor. Then, bam!, the music sounded less like music and more like ringing in her ears…and then a portal swallowed her whole.

Now Buffy was sprawled on the ground in some forest with a bunch of dudes with pointy ears staring her down with bows and arrows in their arms.

No one ever said Buffy was without charm, however, so she quickly got the weirdos to put down their pretty little bows. Turned out that the Marchwarden of these woods, an ‘elf’ (apparently) by the name of Haldir spoke her language. Elf-boy wasn’t the sharpest tool in the box – he had no idea what a ‘slayer’ or hellmouth’ was – but he agreed to take her to his leader.

Hee. Buffy let out a snort of humor. “Take me to your leader.” It was like she was in one of Xander’s comic books!

When Buffy did meet his leader, Queen Galadriel, she was disappointed to discover that Galadriel was a super powerful witch/elf lady but not even she could send Buffy back to her own world.

But Buffy made do. She was pragmatic, after all. And it helped that a certain Marchwarden helped her acclimate to her new world…

A year later, on the anniversary of her arrival in Middle-Earth, Buffy suddenly grinned mischievously at Haldir. They had been flirty-friends for a long time and she was anxious for some elf smoochies!

“Ya know,” Buffy drawled with a sidelong glance. “Today is Valentine’s Day.”

Haldir turned to her with a puzzled expression. “What is that? Another one of your holidays, like that ‘Thanksgiving’ where you forced me to go hunt a turkey for you? And made my brother Rumil find you some cranberries?”

Buffy smirked at the memory. “This is a very good holiday,” she said in a conspiratorial whisper.

Scooting closer to her on the favorite bench underneath the starry night, Haldir smiled. “Indeed?”

She nodded, her lips curving into a smile. “Today is the day that you spend with someone you care about – in the romantic sense,” Buffy added. Haldir was pretty dense after all.

“Oh.” Haldir’s eyes brightened and the pitch of his voice heightened. “Oh.”

Buffy grinned and waited expectantly. Fortunately the wait was not long and soon Haldir’s full lips were pressed against hers, lightly at first and then with increased urgency.

A low moan left Buffy’s throat as she pressed herself against Haldir and welcomed his probing tongue into her mouth. Her hands curved over the muscles of his backs, his shoulders, and finally came to rest in his gorgeous long silver hair.

Oh god, had Buffy ached to touch his hair. It was so soft, so luxurious…hmmm, what kind of conditioner did he use? ..She began to weave her hands in and out of his hair, knotting it between her fingers.

Instantly Haldir pulled back with wide eyes. His hands moved up and pulled her hands out of his hair in a panic.

“What?” Buffy gasped.

“Buffy!” Haldir looked shocked. “You simply cannot touch the hair.”

Flabbergasted, Buffy just stared at him.

“An elf’s hair is not meant to be messy, Buffy. That’s why I would prefer that you not touch it.”

“Are…you…serious?” Buffy asked with a deadpanned look.

Haldir just stared at her like she was stupid. “An elf’s hair is very important to them,” he answered matter-of-factly.

“Even when you’re having a hot make-out session?” Buffy squeaked.

“Well, yes,” Haldir shrugged.

Fuming, Buffy jumped to her feet. “Whatever, Princess Shinylocks!”

As she stalked back to her talan, Buffy couldn’t help but wish she was back home. Sure, Angel was overly meticulous about his hair but at least he didn’t cramp the style of their make-out sessions!

…Besides, Buffy wasn’t interested in dating a man (elf!) who had nicer hair than her – although she would need to figure out what kind of conditioner he used!


Just a silly farce that came to me as I watched some behind the scenes of LOTR – the other actors always made fun of Orlando Bloom since his character (Legolas) was a prissy elf ;)

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Feel free to add your own chapter :)

Princess Shinylocks is an American media nickname for Princess Kate of William and Kate.

The End?

You have reached the end of "VD Sucks" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 14 Feb 12.

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