Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
using
 paypal
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Is your email address still valid?

VD Sucks

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking
Ficlet(s)

Summary: … “And I’m not just talking about that Thanksgiving with the syphilis!” Xander bemoaned. One-shots reflecting on Valentine’s Day with all your favorite characters. OPEN TO ALL so feel free to contribute!

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > General(Recent Donor)Luna + 1 otherFR1854,8480204,49914 Feb 1114 Feb 12No

An Eye for An Eye… (Xander/Molotov Cocktease)

Challenge: I challenge authors to create their own Valentine’s Day situation for anyone from Buffy or Angel. Feel free to twist in other fandoms or just use BTVS/AI characters.
Guidelines
1. Must have something to do with Valentine’s Day!
2. Humor, horror, romance – anything goes, just properly rate your chapter
3. Include, in your notes, your fandoms/pairings/genre please
4. The preference is for BTVS/AI characters to be included but this can include any fandom you like.

Title: VD Sucks
Summary: … “And I’m not just talking about that Thanksgiving with the syphilis!” Xander bemoaned. One-shots reflecting on Valentine’s Day with all your favorite characters.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel or any other fandom used here or in future stories

Chapter Title: An Eye for An Eye…
Fandoms: BTVS/ Venture Brothers
Pairing: Xander Harris/Molotov Cocktease
Genre: Humor



Xander Harris, Molotov Cocktease



Xander Harris peered over the weathered park bench and fired off a round of ammunition. The rusalka demons hissed in anger as they dodged his bullets, even going so far as to dive back into the lake they were emerging from. Their tall, willowy forms were agile and he cursed the fact that he didn’t have back-up tonight. The call that these mermaid-type demons were seeking out male humans to mate with and kill just came in thirty minutes ago and Xander had rushed to the downtown park with only a few weapons.

Gritting his teeth in irritation he continued to fire at the advancing creatures. Although, he had to admit in a bemused way, this really was a rather typical Valentine’s Day for him – being attacked by female demons.

There were still several remaining rusalkas rushing from their watery home and creeping along the land. Knowing that he couldn’t cause too much of a stir in case civilians were around, he re-holstered his gun and took a long katana sword from his duffle bag. Now, Xander Harris didn’t have any super strength or special powers but he did have a ‘give ‘em hell’ attitude and over a decade of fighting evil alongside slayers so he knew what he was doing.

Or thought he did.

After beheading two of the rusalkas one snuck up behind him and gripped his neck tight, holding him high above so the remaining three rusalkas could see him.

“You killed my sisters!” she hissed; Xander winced as drops of sour lake water hit his face.

“Well hey, not my fault. Maybe if you girls had decided to form an all-girl singing group and tour the country singing about love, rather than get all intent on wining and dying all the single fellas out here, then maybe we wouldn’t be in this situation!”

“We will mate with you and then kill you slowly, beginning with your one remaining eye!” the leader snapped, her voice flooding with anger as Xander struggled uselessly in her grasp.

“It is not verrry good to mock those missing an eye,” a husky female voice whispered from the shadows. Her voice was thickly accented – Russian, Xander presumed.

All four demons and Xander stared into the shadowy portion of the park. A single flame from a cigarette burned in the darkness, moving slightly as the speaker took a puff and then held it in her hand.

“We do and say as we will,” growled a rusalka. “Get away from here, woman, unless you wish to die as well.”

Another puff of the cigarette. “It would behoove me to not let you kill such a fine specimen of man,” she commented idly in a delicious alto voice. She sauntered from the shadows until the dim light of the crescent moon softly illuminated her features.

The first thing Xander noticed – because for crying out loud he was a dude and heck, even Willow would agree with him on this! – was the woman’s voluptuous body barely covered by a black leotard that dipped from her neck to her waist. Dark red hair flamed in the night and one single emerald eye assessed the area ruthlessly. The other eye, he was shocked to see, was hidden under a black heart-shaped eye patch. She pulled a katana sword, similar to his own, out and shot Xander a slight smile.

Still smoking the cigarette, she let out a banshee-like yell, leapt onto the park bench, and somersaulted over the rusalka holding Xander. There was a fleshy sound of sword striking demon and Xander was released.

“Thanks,” he said with his trademark lopsided grin.

“Not a problem,” she purred. “We shall kill the remaining three together, yes?”

Xander fought to control that part of his body that too often took control of his mind as he practically salivated right then and there over this woman’s physique and deep, red lips. “A, yes,” he managed to say.

Their swords glinted in the moonlight as steel struck demon flesh, until their weapons blended into the night with their dark coats of blood. Within minutes all the remaining rusalkas were dead and they were panting in the middle of the park, alone.

“What’s your name?” Xander asked her in awe.

“Molotov Cocktease,” she replied as she holstered her sword onto her back.

That part of his body that always fought with the logic and reason side of his mind? Oh yeah. It was definitely activated.

“Molotov Co-cocktease?” he mumbled. As she reached back to make sure her sword was correctly positioned her breasts bounced up and down just enough to make his mind go fuzzier than Oz on a full moon.

“Yes.” Her one eye gave him a frank look, making Xander feel feverish next to her. “And what is yours? I watched you fight those demons. You were,” the corner of her mouth curled up, “very good.”

“Oh, I’m very good at lots of things!” he grinned rather stupidly before he internally mocked himself for speaking without thinking – as always. “Uh, and my name is Xander. Xander Harris.”

Molotov stalked forward, her hips moving suggestively, as she laid one red-gloved hand over his chest. As her hand moved in small circles Xander felt his breath began to heighten. “It is nice,” she licked her lips, “to meet you, Xander Harris.”

“It’s awesome to meet you,” he answered rather dreamily, his brain officially not functioning any further. All he was aware of was her near-nakedness, proximity, and the lower half of his body.

She smiled. “You are a rather worthy warrior, Xander.” She glanced around. “It is Valentine’s Day. Would you like to be mine?” she asked with a secretive, feminine smile.

All Xander could do was nod and inwardly thank god so so so sooooooo much.

Her arm curled around his neck and she pulled him forward. Molotov’s lips captured his aggressively and soon he was pulling her up and she was wrapping his legs around his waist. They eventually fell, passionately kissing, onto the dewy grass. Her hands rove over his body, cupping and caressing every part of him, and he did the same to her. When his hand hit something hard and metallic, Xander broke their kiss.

“Uh…” Xander blinked in surprise. “What was that?” Oh god, please don’t let her be a cyborg – half woman, half-robot!

“That?” One eyebrow rose lazily as she took in his panicked expression. “That is my chastity belt. I wear it in honor of my father who was brutally murdered by Brock Samson.”

“Oh,” Xander said with a rather crestfallen expression. He became even more agitated as she began rubbing her long, voluptuous body against him and sucking on his earlobe.

“Uh.” He wet his lips and her hand began to do all sorts of naughty things. “So…does the chastity belt ever come off?”

“No, never,” she declared as she nibbled his lip. Then a ringing sound went off and she pulled out a cell phone (from where, was what he wanted to know!). “Yes?” she said in the phone. “I will be there shortly,” she answered after a pause.

Abruptly, Molotov slid off of him. “It was nice meeting you Xander, my Valentine. Perhaps we shall see each other again?” She gave him an amused smile at the sight of his panicked expression and tightened jeans before turning her back and sauntering off into the darkness.

With a loud groan Xander fell back onto the grass. “No wonder her name is Cocktease,” he moaned.

As he waited for his body to calm down so he wouldn’t walk out of the park bowl-legged, he sighed. “I think I almost prefer the demons.”



A/N:
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! ;)

As I said before, feel free to add your own story!

References
Rusalkas: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rusalkas
Molotov Cocktease: http://venturefans.org/vbwiki/Molotov_Cocktease
Pictures acquired from Dark Horse wikia (Xander) and Venture Bros wikia (Molotov)
Next Chapter
StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking