Twisted, Yet Oddly Comforting
Series: My Anti-Valentine
Part: Twisted, Yet Oddly Comforting
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns all things BtVS, Disney owns all things Princesses, and Jeffrey Thomas owns his versions of the Princesses.
Summary: Let’s face it - before the roses and the chocolate, it was all about pain and suffering. Wait a minute…
Characters: Kit, Vi & Dawn.
A/N: So I’m a bit cynical about V-day. I blame it on the fact that I work in retail, and have had to see all the stupid red-hearted crap since just after the first of the year. The fact that my boss came to work and gave me his germs? Not helping matters. Which is why I’m up, hacking out a lung, and being even more pessimistic about this “holiday”. My Anti-Valentine
Twisted, Yet Oddly Comforting
“What the hell is that?” Dawn’s head jerked back as she blinked at the image on Kit’s laptop.
“My ode to Valentine’s Day,” Kit Holburn grinned maniacally.
“Blood and scars and - why is The Little Mermaid missing an arm?” Dawn’s jaw dropped as the image changed to a familiar blond standing in the middle of a pumpkin. “Oh my -”
“I know!” Kit clapped her hands together like a giddy five-year-old given a vat of chocolate. “Isn’t it awesome?
“Kind of, in you know, a morbidly awesome way,” Dawn shook her head as the image changed again. “Huh, Princess Jasmine is pretty kick-ass.”
“Wait till you see Pocahontas. Definitely kick-ass,” Vi Day chuckled as she handed off the big bowl of popcorn. “And probably more accurate than the Disney version.”
“I don’t think she would have killed Flit just to put the feathers on her spear,” Kit frowned. “That made me all sad inside. Besides, Belle’s is the best.”
“That’s only because she got to keep the Beast, and you have a thing for furry guys. Which is why you’re Team Jacob.”
“I thought we stopped using the Twilight
characters to represent if we were pro-Vamp or pro-Were?” Dawn didn’t take her eyes off the screen as the image changed to the newest Disney princess. “Oh, kick-ass killer hair!”
“Yeah, we decided we were gonna use Kresley Cole’s Immortals After Dark instead of Twilight, nimrod,” Kit shoved Vi’s shoulder playfully. “That way we can have a Team Clem without squicking ourselves out thinking about hot demons with their shirts off.”
“Oh, then I am definitely
a Tem Rydstrom girl,” Vi grinned.
“And I’m on Team Lachlan -”
“Not Bowen?” Dawn blinked, taking her eyes away from the screen for a second as Rapunzel changed into Sleeping Beauty. “Why have I never
seen these pictures before?”
Mariketa to rot and then had that other Mari skank - and I haven’t read Garreth’s story yet, so yeah, Lachlain pretty much rules. Also, you haven’t seen these because your nose’s stuck in ancient books and scrolls because you’re the only one who knows fifty dead languages.”
“Seven dead languages, not fifty. So what team am I?” Dawn asked.
Kit and Vi exchanged a long look. Dawn narrowed her eyes at them. Surely, she couldn’t be that
hard to place. There were only three teams after all.
“Team William,” the watcher and slayer said in unison.
“William? Who’s that
? There’s no William in IAD!”
“We know,” Kit grinned.
“He’s in Gena Showalter’s Lords of the Underworld,” Vi nodded.
“But we’re playing team demon, vamp, or were,” Dawn frowned. “Not random immortal cursed by the gods for dipping his wick in too many pots.”
“No, but I hear he’s going to have a wildly inappropriate relationship with a girl millennia younger than him and -” The rest of Kit’s statement was cut off as a pillow thwacked her in the face.
“But it’s gonna be really sweet!”
“I hate you both.”
A/N2: I also do not own Jeffrey Thomas’s Twisted Princesses over on Deviantart, which are frankly the most beautiful macabre Disney things ever
, Showalter’s Lords (whom I love to distraction), nor Cole’s IAD (in which Rydstrom is probably one of my favorite demons of all time, and I secretly adore Sebastian the brooding vampire).