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That's Countess, Thank You Very Much

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This story is No. 19 in the series "2011 Calendar Series". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: The vampire population is rising.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Dr. Who/Torchwood > GeneralRuneWitchSakuraFR131986052,6657 Mar 117 Mar 11Yes
That’s Countess, Thank You Very Much
Chapter Number: 01/01
Story Summary: The Vampire population is rising.
DISCLAIMER: I Do Not Own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Torchwood, Harry Potter, or anything related to them.
Date (Upload Date): 03/07/11
Date (2011 Calendar Date): 03/05
Word: Breeding
Takes place after the sequel to Breakup (which itself isn’t finished just yet). No actual spoilers for that though. The charm (mentioned at the end) will be explained in a SWIC chapter later this month.
Pissed off Wizard and his crazy evil boyfriend, for those who haven’t read the other stories, is Harry Potter and Jonathan Crane. On the wards that keep the vampires out of SWIC HQ – the building itself is not a home, so vampires can enter; they just can’t enter the various apartments.
I wrote this story with only one idea in mind…make Ianto a vampire. I have plans for vampire-Ianto. Evil plans. Mwahaha.
And I’m sure anyone who knows Latin will likely find fault with the little I have here, so I’ll say now. I know crap about Latin – I’m using a free translator.
For the first time since SWIC had moved into Cleveland, the vampire population was steadily growing. Rumors of a Vampire Queen were spreading – a queen who could protect them from the Slayers.

“You know what’s coming, don’t you?” Buffy asked one day at a Committee meeting.

“Queenie’s gonna attack us eventually,” Faith replied. “She’s already building her army.”

“And despite our best efforts, we can’t track the vampires being turned,” Willow said. “Any tracking spell, no matter how strong, gets disrupted around here.” Willow circled a fourth of Cleveland.

“We’ve already upped patrols there,” Buffy said. “No one’s found anything.”

“So we’re stuck waiting?” Harry asked.

“Betcha twenty dollars she attacks while my brother is here,” Rhiannon said.

Various versions of ‘No deal.’ and ‘Sucker bet.’ were the replys.


Two days later, Rhiannon and Ianto were walking through the courtyard, the setting sun casting eerie shadows around them.

“So, demons?” Ianto asked. He still couldn’t believe it, even after what happened in Cardiff.

“You’re one to talk, Mr. Alien Hunter.” Rhiannon said. “Tourist Information indeed. Was the research position in London-?”

“Also Torchwood, yes. Is Johnny-?”

“He’s a Watcher actually. Has a slayer only a few years younger than Megan.”

“Yes. I’ve noticed Megan’s awfully close to a few of the young men here.”

“Oh, not you too. She gets enough of that from Johnny. Relax. If any of them even think of hurting her, they’ll have a pissed off wizard and his crazy evil boyfriend after them, assuming there’s anything left when she’s through. Speaking of boyfriends-“

“Oh boy.” Rhiannon continued as if she didn’t hear him.

“-tell me about, what’d Megan say his name was – ah – Jack! Tell me about Jack.” Ianto groaned. His sister was never going to let this drop. Rhiannon had been right, when she offered her bet. Before Ianto could tell her anything, SWIC’s alarms started blaring.

“What’s that?” Ianto asked.

“We’re being attacked, again.” Ianto followed Rhiannon back into the building, and they both followed a trail of young women Ianto assumed were Slayers.


“Alright, listen up,” Buffy said. “Anyone younger than sixteen will be holed up in the weapons dojo, no exceptions. Youngest in the middle, oldest on the outskirts. Sixteen- and seventeen-year-olds will patrol in groups of four around that floor, to ensure that nothing gets to the youngers.

“Main enemy tonight is vampires, maybe one or two demons tops. Eighteen and up, pair up. You’re gonna need a partner to watch your back. Seventeen and down, why are you still here? Move it!” A large portion of the girls broke off, with a few of the boys trailing after them.


Ianto got a crash course in vampire killing, as there hadn’t been any in Cardiff. He was given a bag of stakes and a blessed dagger. The dagger wouldn’t kill a vampire, but it would distract them long enough for Ianto to stake them. The bag of stakes was because the stakes had a habit of dusting with the vampires if one didn’t pull them out fast enough.

“Ready, Will?” Buffy asked. Willow was going to lower the ‘first stage’ wards that were keeping the vampires of the property. They still wouldn’t be able to enter Headquarters, but they’d be in the open. It didn’t take much longer before the fight started.


The Vampire Queen was easily found. Buffy and Xander got to her first.

“So, you’re Queenie,” Xander said. Buffy was dispatching her ‘guards’.

“I am no Queen. I am Countess Dracula.”

“As in his wife?”

“As in The Dracula. Bram Stoker was a sexist bastard.”

“Did she just say she was Dracula?” Buffy asked, after she was done with the guards.

“Yep.” He and Buffy looked at her, then each other, then back to her, and burst into laughter.

“Yeah, we’ve already met The Dracula.”

“He turned me into Renfield.”

“And he was much prettier than you.”

“Oh, much pre – wait, what?” Xander stared at the self-proclaimed Countess. “Don’t ever tell anyone I said this, but, yeah, okay, he was prettier.” The Countess snarled, went into her game face, and attacked, only for Buffy to sidestep her and stake her through the back.

“No wonder she needed guards,” Buffy said.


It was an hour later, during clean up, that they found Ianto, and his partner – a Slayer named Krista. Krista’s neck was turned at an odd angle, and Ianto’s had two different sets of fang marks.

“Ianto,” Rhiannon cried. “But he – I…”

“Lamia sapio,” Willow said. Ianto’s body began glowing blue.

“Well, I’ve got good or bad news, depending on how you look at it. Ianto ingested blood from a vampire. He’s turning right now.”

“We can re-ensoul him, right?” Megan asked.

“Of course. I’ll gather what we need, and start preparing. He’ll need to be restrained until he wakes up. I can’t do the ritual until he’s conscious. Harry?”

“I’ll start making his charm.”
The End

The End

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