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She Loves Him Not

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Summary: He loved her for years. He held a treasured place as her friend. One word spoiled it all. One word, a set of ideals, and a war...

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Non-BtVS/AtS Stories > Theme: RomanceBellaDashwoodFR1319160286222 Mar 1122 Mar 11Yes
Author's Note: I wrote this ficlet right after Deathly Hallows first came out. I've always been entranced by the possibility of a relationship between Lily and Severus before it was revealed. This piece was directly inspired by the chapter "The Prince's Tale" and the fourth scene was pulled directly from that chapter (pages 675-676 in my book).

I own nothing. JKR owns everything. I am poor, please don't sue.

She loves me...

“Sev!” Lily whispered from behind him, positioning her quill to brush the feather's soft tip against the back of his neck. He tilted his head towards her, but didn't turn around. “Can you come to the Potions room tonight? Slughorn is letting me use it for some extra-curricular work.”

Severus used his quill to point across the classroom at Potter and Black, knowing she would understand what he meant.

“They have Quidditch practice tonight. Potter was trying to get me to come watch.” He could hear the mild contempt in her voice and smiled to himself. He gave a shallow nod, heard her “Great!” and the desk creaking slightly as she sat back.

She loves me not...

Dinner was far too long for his liking, and Severus had to deliberately eat slowly, lest his housemates suspect something. Most of them looked down on Lily because she was Muggle-born and looked down on him because he was a poor half-blood. Severus had a lot to make up for in their eyes, and consorting with a Mudblood would destroy any chance of acceptance, even if she was the brightest and prettiest witch in the school.

Lily caught his eye from across the hall, winked, and stood. He waited a couple minutes then followed the redhead out of the hall.

Most people were still eating, and the corridors nearly deserted. Calmly, and in much the same manner he would in years to come, Severus walked down to the Potions classroom. The door was ajar, and he could hear Lily inside preparing her potion. Without knocking, he pushed open the door and closed it behind him.

Across the room, Lily stood behind her cauldron, under which danced the merry blue flames she'd just conjured.

She loves me...

“Thought I heard you,” she said, moving to the store cupboard to collect her ingredients. Her textbook was lying open beside the cutting board, the leaf covered with notes in a careful hand. “Madam Pomfrey needed some more medicinal potions, and I offered to help.”

“Why ask me to come?” asked Severus, moving farther into the room. Closer to the potion, he convinced himself. Not because he wanted to be closer to her, the forbidden flower.

She looked at him, confused. “Because you're my friend, Sev. I like spending time with you.”

A smile blossomed across his face at the pronouncement. He'd already known that, but hearing Lily say it always pleased him. It meant something more when Lily said it.

She loves me not...

“I'm sorry.”

“I'm not interested.

“I'm sorry!”

“Save your breath.”

It was nighttime. Lily, who was wearing a dressing gown, stood with her arms folded in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, at the entrance to Gryffindor Tower.

“I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.”

“I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just—”

“Slipped out?” There was no pity in Lily's voice. “It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends—you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?”

He opened his mouth, but closed it without speaking.

“I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine.”

“No—listen, I didn't mean—”

“—to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?”

He struggled on the verge of speech, but with a contemptuous look she turned and climbed back through the portrait hole.

She loves me...

He'd screwed up bigtime. Surely, now, she would go to Potter. Marry him, have his children, and train them all to be self-absorbed Quidditch stars, just like their daddy. Maybe, maybe, she'd have a little girl like her: bookish, polite, gifted in potions, firey temper, but incredibly compassionate. Severus lifted the firewhiskey bottle, contemplated it for a moment, then took a long drink. Alcohol wasn't allowed, but Lily was the only one who knew how to find him when he didn't want to be found.

It was the first day of their sixth year, and she was avoiding him, just like she had all summer. He'd caught a few glances in his direction before she seemed to catch herself and resolutely look away. Instead, she had chatted animatedly with her fellow Gryffindor prefect, Lupin. Potter had been trying to talk to her as well. Severus scowled at his bottle and drank again. At least she still had more sense than that.

But Potter would win her over. He'd been trying since first year, and eventually, she'd give in. He raised the bottle to his lips again, only to find it empty. The alcohol was gone. Gone, just like her. Gone forever. Maybe.

Maybe. There were still those glances. She might still care for him. He might still have for a chance. Pulling out his wand and steadying his drunken mind, Severus Snape transfigured the empty bottle into a lily. One by one, he pulled of the petals, a childish mantra flowing past his lips. “She loves me. She loves me not. She loves me. She loves me not. She loves me...

She loves him not.

The End

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