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Five Reasons Xander is No Longer allowed out

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Summary: Why Xander is no longer allowed out, of the dimension that is, or at least without a responsible chaperone. (Story has been completed, all future insanity that would go here will be placed i Odd's and End's)

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Xander-Centered > Ficlet CollectionsPupFR1565,02324924,4953 Apr 1128 Apr 11Yes

Power-hungry Mealomaniac + Evil Overlord Handbook

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all associated characters. Family guy is owned by Seth McFarlane and fox.

Five Reasons Xander is No Longer allowed out of the Dimension By Himself

Reason 2: Power-hungry Megalomaniac + Evil Overlord Handbook = BAD Things (or Stewie’s Happy Day)

“You can have Australia…maybe Canada.” Stated a 5 year old boy with an oddly football shaped head, in a just as odd upper-crust English accent. “But no more, you greedy bastard.” The last was mumbled under his breath.

“Oh no you don’t you’re not foisting Canada on me.” Returned a one eyed man who many would recognize as one Xander Harris. ‘Little limey sounding git’. “Without me you’d still be trying to control the weather with a supped up spin and speak!”

To an outside observer this might have sounded like an unusual conversation, which would only become more unusual when it was taken into account that they were holding this conversation in the oval office. If you turned your focus to the white house lawn you would find yourself completely out of your depth as a group of (what appeared to be a cross between a squid and a Komodo dragon) creatures chased a group of girl scouts.

This was not to be the weirdest thing happening by far because as of two days ago Stewart Gilligan Griffin (better known as Stewie) had achieved one of his lifelong goals (now if he could only dispose of that infernal woman) and on the say so of his partner, ‘Until I figure out how to kill him anyway’, was letting chaos reign to quote unquote -soften up the masses.

“You’ll ^DAMN^ well take Canada and ^you’ll LIKE^ it” he shouted back. Why’d his partner have to be so insufferable….ok, so he’d gave him that book with the does and don’ts of being a successful evil overlord, but he soooo would have figured it out….eventually.

“All right, hold up boys,” spoke a third voice as……Dawn Summers entered the room “how about you keep Australia, we get Hawaii, a couple of other equatorial islands and we just use Canada as some kind of potentially hazardous monster testing ground?” she then draped herself across Xanders lap and stared at the diminutive despot on the opposite side of the desk.

Stewie gained a contemplative look on his face for a few moments before he spoke “The idea has merit, ok done, now on to more import…. Who the bloody hell are you?” At this Xander and Dawn peered over the back of the chair they occupied and came face to face with a scowling Buffy Summers.

“How much trouble do you think we’re in?” queried Xander.

“The vein in her forehead is pulsing, fists clenched, teeth grinding, oh I’d say a lot.” Dawn Replied before her and Xander we’re pulled to their feet, by way of their earlobes.

“You two are in ^SO^ much trouble!!” declared Buffy as she dragged them towards a door in the back wall that hadn’t been there moments before. “One week, ^ONE WEEK^, we leave you alone for one week and you do ^THIS^!?” the rant continued as they neared the portal/door with her two captives focusing on keeping their ears attached to their respective heads.

Buffy’s last words “And ^Why^ was Dawn sitting on >b>^your LAP^?!?!” floated back through the portal/door before it swung shut and faded back into an unremarkable wall.

“Well that’s taken care of, now,” Spoke Stewie as he pulled a book titled The Evil Overlord’s Handbook and began to peruse its pages “how to eradicate Lois?”

Sitting at the mini-bar in the corner, Brian looked down at his martini then at the wall and back again. Shrugging his shoulders he tossed back the drink and started to make another.

Thanks for reading, please review
As a side note, if anyone can convince Tenhawk at to continue his Seal Team 13 series I shall be ETERNALLY grateful.
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