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Persona Non Grata

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This story is No. 4 in the series "Reconciliation". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: But I'm rambling, as much as can be done on paper, and I don't exactly have a lot of time here. Trevor Lockley, surprise POV. AtS/Detroit 1-8-7;

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > Detroit 1-8-7AngelfirenzeFR1311,411022923 Apr 113 Apr 11Yes
By Angelfirenze

Disclaimer: Jason Richman and the rest of Remainder Men, Mandeville Television, ABC Studios, etc., own Fitch, et al. Joss and Mutant Enemy own Kate, et al. CAKE. "Showroom of Compassion.". Upbeat Records, 2011.

Summary: But I'm rambling, as much as can be done on paper, and I don't exactly have a lot of time here.

Notes: I got this idea after a nap, so that's two updates for today.

Notes, cont'd.: Furthermore, yes, Trevor Lockley decided he wanted in on the story, but not in person. Never that.

Notes, three: According to Wiki, Persona non grata literally means 'an unwelcome person' in Latin and is a legal status with the United States government. I'm repurposing it for my own use here.

Also, just in case anyone gets that idea, the lyrics aren't actually part of the letter. Just covering my butt because while it'd be cool and unbelievable, I doubt neither Fitch nor Trevor Lockley would ever listen to CAKE without Bobby's possible insistence. Anyway, ridiculous clarification out of the way...

Timeline: 1.17, Motor City Blues/1.18, Blackout; post-ANGEL: After the Fall. (Mentions of 'The Prodigal', AtS, 1.17)

Spoilers: The entire canon as it stands for both Detroit 1-8-7 and ANGEL, though only up to 'Immortality for Dummies' because that's all I've read up to so far. I'm working on getting 'Crown Prince Syndrome' (possibly aka 'Connorland', which hee.).

Rating: M for language.

Interlude - Persona non grata

Mac mo mhíle stór,

You probably already know the circumstances under which you'll be getting this letter, son, and given that the Watchers' Council probably taught you more languages than I have damned fingers, I figured I wanted to take you back for my own - even though it's at the last minute and though a stupid goddamned letter, no less - and, so, I'm writing this because if I were to suddenly come out to Westchester, my asshole associates would become suspicious and I've worked damned hard so that they don't know either you or Katie exists, much less Bobby, and all this Stram shit can't repeat itself.

Fucking bastard - makes self-respecting werewolves who just want to go along peacefully and live in the world look like monsters. But since, for now, Bobby's safe - and Vico, I can't tell you how proud I am of you and the sheer lengths you'll go to, and I know you'll go to even more because I know just how much he means to you.

Makes me feel like I taught you something after all, even though I know I didn't. Maite taught you a lot more than I ever did, or even got a chance to and we both know it. I tried not to waste my chance with Katie, but something really tells me I've failed her, too.

Don't try and object, Lodovico Lockley Fitch, you know I have.

...Launching loony thoughts into the bending of your mind...You reach for something high but it's a mountain that you find...

I won't rehash that shit with DYFS or the fact that obviously the goddamned Watcher's Council stuck their rotten fingers all through our family and you've done nothing but pay for it, you and Katie. She's thought all this time that she had to become hard, had to shove everything away just to survive and no matter how much I tell her it's not good to be alone or anything else, she's determined to be just that.

It's so (...) odd, son. I guess somebody could expect that of you, to not even try for a family, to spend every day dove deep in the Job and not focus on anything else. And most people probably think that of you - you were always an excellent actor - but I know better. Linda and Bobby hold your heart tighter than a rope on a cliff.

Good. Don't let that go, your feelings. Your sister's shoving hers away and one day she's going to pay for it and I'm really afraid I'll be the reason why. I'm all she'll let herself have anymore and that's not good. You know I told you about that PI, Angel, and who he really is. Not that you didn't already know, what with all that training, but you know more than Katie only because she won't let herself.

He was the one I asked to send this letter to you now that I'm gone. He tried to look out for Katie, thought I was doing her wrong, and he had every right to suspect. I don't know if it should or shouldn't make me feel so good that someone cares that much about her, even if it's one of the most prolific vampires to ever walk the earth.

Yeah, I know, he has a soul now. The DRI had you debriefed all about that mission in 1943 and the Navy and how he served in WWI even before that. Katie knows none of that, of course. It's not her fault. When your mother died, she just (...) shut down, son. You both did, but unlike her, you tried to open back up again. I think you succeeded.

Your mother would be so proud of you, I know I am. I wish I could speak to you in person or even on the phone anymore. Bastards tapped my phone, of course, so a letter had to be it.

It's been a long time since I've seen your smiling face, it's been a long time since I've seen a sunny day...

I know you've done as I've asked and won't be telling Bobby about me. Good. He doesn't need anymore danger in his life than he will already, any more heartbreak. But if he's anything like his father, it'll only make him stronger, make him better.

Thank you for the pictures of him, over the last months - asking Linda to give you more than one copy even though she thinks I aband (...) well, hell, I all but did. But thank her for me, for the copies. It's been amazing, seeing my grandson and watching him grow.

I can't believe he's already one year old. It's okay, him not knowing who I am. That's not necessary. We both know he'd just end up as more collateral damage and I'll be damned if I let that happen, again, myself, much less to a baby boy only just a year old.

But I'm rambling, as much as can be done on paper, and I don't exactly have a lot of time here. The letter to Angel is unsealed and will be on top of this one, but hopefully you won't demand to see it. He's not a father, he doesn't (...) he just doesn't understand. No amount of interrogation will change that.

I'm getting off point here, son, and for that I'm sorry. I'll make this brief. I tried to do something for you and your sister and it's backfiring on me. I'm retired now, but it's still made me dirty and I hate myself for what I've done, but I'll never hate myself for why.

And that why is for you, Lodovico, and for Trinchen. Maybe one day she'll be willing to listen, our Katie. I'm just asking you, my only son, to be patient with her and wait until then. I know it hurts, her shutting you out like this ( - ) none of you deserve it. I won't answer your questions about the photos or whether she's seen them because you already know the answer and I know that hurts, too.

I've told her it's not good to be alone, but she thinks I'm talking about Angel. She thinks he's human, son, and that I'm asking her to try to date him.

No, I'm not. I'm asking her to let him do what he's been trying to do since they met, to protect her, but she thinks she doesn't need it.

She's not like you, son, and because of that, she needs it most of all.

I'm so afraid of what she'll do one day.

But I can't force the two of you back together and I wouldn't try because it's not fair to you.

Nothing's been fair to you, so all I can try to tell you, Louis, is that I love you. By now you understand that trying to articulate just how much is pretty damned impossible, but romantic love isn't the only bitch. It's just something we have to live with.

Take care of little Bobby, take care of Linda. I know you and she aren't exactly on the ins right now, but try not to let it eat you up. Know forever that your mother and I wouldn't want that for you.

My final request, mac mo mhíle stór, is that when Katie's ready, when she's able, willing...don't shut her out anymore. Let her try and weather your anger, let her try and fix what's been broken between the two of you.

Just try to let her try.

It's all I can ask, son.

Last, but never, ever least (...)

Is breá liom tú, mac. Le do thoil maith dom, d'athair,

Trevor Lockley

...I have wasted so much time...


1, 2. My dearest son.

3. I love you, son.

4. Please forgive me, your father.


The End

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