Sam learns about Puck’s pool-cleaning business on a Tuesday. Apparently, some of the older ladies in the library had taken him under their wing, like due to his dippy hair or puppy eyes, some awkward shit like that and they’re the ones that tell Puck’s older brother that young Noah's essentially been through almost all of the cougar population of Lima.
The cougar population of Lima is surprisingly large, is what Puck tries to explain to Sam when he comes skulking up to Puck’s room after getting his hug from Puck’s mom and a big, sloppy, red faced kiss from Sarah.
It's impossible for him to sleep with all of them, the old biddies were totally exaggerating.
It’s not as bad as it sounds, Puck tells his brother who’s looking mournfully out the window and lamenting the fact that the world does not
need another Dean in the picture- having one around is bad enough.
Sam’s words have the opposite of their desired effect when Puck perks up instantly and demands to know whether Dean’s had a thing for older women too, and how to get pointers from him.
Whatever man, Puck’s a stud and everything, but he’s seventeen and Dean’s like thirty
and all Puck’s saying is that maybe Dean’s got some tips due to like experience and shit.
An extra thirteen years in the cougar nailing business is nothing to scoff at.
So, when Sam asks Puck to stop
sleeping with the moms of his fellow students- it’s entirely expected that Puck cracks up into his wildly uncontained laughter, cackling like a madman at Sam’s stormy expression.
What happens next, after Sam flounces out of the room disturbingly pretty hair bouncing with each step, is nothing to scoff at however.
He tells Dean.
This is how Puck finds out that his oldest brother is on the warpath.
He’s cleaning Miss Vargas’s pool and while the lovely Maria is technically not a MILF, she is most definitely
He’s in the middle of flexing his guns when Dean’s booming voice reaches his ears and Puck whirls around to see his brother bearing down on him like the angry hand of God and a bull combined.
“Oh shit,” Puck breathes out and searches for an escape route, eying Miss Vargas’s fence with the practiced eye of someone that’s hopped many a football fence while running from Coach Tanaka, may Jew-God take care of him in the insane asylum or wherever the hell he is after Pillsbury did her freak thing and ran out on him after Shue.
Anyyway, the plan of escape- Puck turns around and is about to try and make a break for it, roadrunner style, when he feels a freaking vice
clamp around his upper arm and like physically haul him backwards.
“Oh no, you don’t,” Dean grunts and slams Puck back into solid ground with the force of his brotherly righteous fury behind him and also Sam, smirking and standing viciously in the background with his arms crossed.
“Dude,” Puck accuses Sam, shaking his head because apparently one of his brothers is bitch enough to rat him out to his other one, “you tattled
“Ah,” Sam holds up his index finger, the smug fucker and says, “I didn’t tattle, I made a strategic decision.”
“Whatever man,” Puck makes a face and resists the urge to punch him, because Puck can be smart like that plus Sam’s twenty feet tall and has the build of a linebacker with a steroid problem. “You still tattled.”
And that’s when Dean smacks him upside the head.
“You shut up!” he barks and whoa, apparently having rage problems is something Puck can look forward to in his thirties.
Thank Moses that at least he’ll retain his hair.
Still though, Puck’s not a fool, so he shuts his hole and eyes Dean warily. In the distance, he sees Miss Vargas edging towards her Blackberry, probably thinking to call the cops on them.
Sam sees the movement and starts doing his slinky thing towards her, already brushing his hair valiantly back and bringing out the full power of Puck’s ancestral gaze o’doom.
“Hi,” Puck hears him say all shy like, drawing out the syllables, “I’m Sam- I’m Noah’s older brother.”
“Oh,” Maria titters, tilting her head back and eyeing him with poorly hidden lust and excitement, “you’re so tall
Puck kind of wants to snicker out loud and maybe say something sarcastic but Dean pokes him hard in the shoulder and ow
motherfucker, “that hurts,” he tells him.
“Listen up, you underage little nympho,” Dean snarls, getting all up into Puck’s face, angry nostril hair waving in the wind, “you’re going to stop sleeping with these women, especially
,” Puck protests, short and heartfelt because shit man, that’s like the main source of his income right there but Dean pokes him again and Puck shuts up, because he’s too studly to be walking around with a bruise on his shoulder inflicted by his brother’s freakishly strong fingers.
“No, Puck,” Dean counters and then smiles, creepily if one was inclined to define the smile on Dean Winchester’s face, “I’m not going to have you hooking yourself out like some kind of teenage whore in freaking Ohio
. That shit’s not done, and I’m putting a stop to it, right fucking now.”
Somewhere in the distance, the finest piece of MILF ass that Puck’s seen in a while is probably busy throwing herself at Sam’s broad and terrifyingly muscled chest, his best friend isn’t talking to him because Puck got his girlfriend pregnant, Berry’s being weird again and Shuester’s making him sing a freaking ballad
for Moses’s sake.
“This sucks,” Puck concludes and very pointedly doesn’t flinch when Dean cuffs him again, probably leaving a mark
“Welcome to the family little bro,” Dean smirks and then barks out a laugh when they see Maria escorting Sam back into the house with a very possessive arm, clutched tightly around Sam’s bicep.
“I’m just going to go,” Sam tells them earnestly, “get some lemonade.”
They watch him get escorted inside, shambling after the very under dressed woman with nary a second thought in sight.
“Dude,” Puck mentions, “does he know that she wants to sleep with him?”
“Dunno,” Dean shrugs, grinning at the apparent hilarity of it all, “don’t think so.”
“Faith’s going to kill
her if she tries something,” Puck breathes out, realizing that Sam’s on and off woman is likely to start tearing off appendages if she thinks that she got gypped.
A dark look flashes over Dean’s face but it’s gone before Puck can question him on it.
“Nah,” Dean shakes his head, “she’s not going to kill her.” He scratches at some stubble on his chin before continuing, “she might maim
her a little bit, but I’m thinking that Sam’s going to get the gist of it.”
It might suck as shit, having to let go of the other side of his business but standing there, with his brother's arm slung around his shoulders after getting yelled at- Puck feels all warm and squishy inside. Like one of Sarah's beanie babies, the ones that he secretly buys her whenever he comes across a new one and then ferociously denies ever having done so.
Whatever man, he's a stud but shit feels good
- having an older male figure care enough about his life to yell and threaten. It's definitely beginning to feel like he's truly a part of the Winchesters.