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Puck Winchester

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Summary: Or how the Council ruined Puck's life, got him a family, a girlfriend and a plan

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > GleeShulikFR18511,8023318,39810 Apr 1122 Jun 11No

Chapter One

Glee, Supernatural and Buffy the Vampire Slayer all belong to their respective creators. I make no profit from this writing, though I do hope to make profit from my own creation.

The first chapter of this fic was previously posted here, and I honestly thought I was done with this- but apparently, Puck is a mouthy mofo who just won't shut up- so, I had to do what I had to do... Let the boy speak :).

Puck Winchester- or how Noah grew up, learned to fight, the value of witty banter in the middle of battle, got himself a girlfriend and accepted his fate as the littlest brother in an utterly insane family.


Her skin feels like it’s covered with a thin sheen of powder, which knowing her vanity- it probably is. She’s pale and under the unforgiving light of the early morning sun- he can see the wrinkles around her eyes and mouth, deep lines etched into her paper thin skin that slides around a bit as he pounds straight into her.

She’s also blonde, which is good- cause it makes him think of Quinn and Brittany, but every time he closes his eyes- long, dark hair and huge, expressive doe eyes stare back at him reproachingly.

A shudder goes through him and he can feel his dick swelling in her even more, which elicits a well deserved moan that is more than understandable considering the thing of glory that is his penis but Puck’s brain closes that moment to punk out on him once more with the hallucination of a breathy, girly voice moaning “Noah…” into his ear.

He grunts “fuck” and like thrusts harder in his anger or misdirected rage or something cause Mrs.Wilson giggles, actually fucking giggles in delight and arches her back into him, like a freaking cat and Puck can’t take much more of this so he reaches up, grabs her hip and like flips them over with a move that he learned on the football field which is like the least sexy place in the world but whatever works, right?

She’s on top and Puck can fully take in the amazing view of Mrs. Wilson’s new rack bouncing up and down on him like a testament to Mr. Wilson’s credit score so he tries hard to bleach his brain and just freaking enjoy the ride.

For a couple of minutes everything is fine and he can finally submerge himself in the experience of finally, finally getting his dick wet when Mrs. Wilson decides to open her mouth.

“Oh yeah,” she groans and leans down to kiss him, tongue slipping snake-like into his mouth and tasting like lipstick and the faint aftertaste of whiskey or bourbon or some shit like that, “you like that, you little whore?”

Puck frowns but doesn’t stop what he’s doing, continuing to pump away at the good Mrs. with a regular rhythm that’s almost automatic by now. This isn’t his first day in the ‘pool-cleaning’ business and this certainly isn’t his first time doing a freaky chick cause the Puckerone is a stud like that, a sexual Viking out to conquer new worlds- but he certainly never expected the outwardly uptight wife of Lima’s most famous car salesman to be into dirty talk.

Whatever, Puck grins to himself, he can roll with shit like that, treat it as a learning experience for a particularly outstanding member of the male species, a lesson to increase his sheer badass factor.

“Such a dirty little boy,” she grunts harshly and wraps her hand around Puck’s throat, and whoa there! Who knew the absolute freak that hid inside the woman?

“So nasty, so disgusting,” she bares her teeth and locks eyes with him like a demented madwoman or something, “just like your daddy, may he burn in hell.”

What the hell? Had the crazy bitch slept with the senior Puckerman? Noah stops moving, feeling his dick fucking shrivel at the thought of being where his father has gone before and tries to throw her off.

Thankfully, insane ho climbs off his dick but she’s still pantiless even in her pink, stay-at-home sundress and as she squeezes her thighs around him while still choking him- Puck tries not to throw up and like drown in his own damn vomit.

“I can smell it on you,” she shudders leaning closer and wrapping her freakishly strong hands even tighter around his throat.

Now Puck may not be Finn Hudson but he’s still a big dude and so when he bucks and fights and tries to fucking dislodge her and she doesn’t even move- shit starts getting real.

“That dirty, dirty Winchester blood of yours,” she blinks and when she opens her eyes- they’re a pure, malevolent black, staring at him with a predator’s curiosity and shit- he’s going to die from a fuck, just like Berry always said he would- but that’s not fair, he hasn’t even had a chance-to- Berry….

“Help!” Puck tries to scream but only ends up making some kind o pansy ass strangled wheeze and he can maybe, finally free one of his hands and he tries jabbing his thumb into her eye like they showed in all those Sex and Safety classes in Health class but she doesn’t move and he can’t breathe….

The air’s not getting to his lungs and the crazy, possessed chick that’s now thankfully hopped off his dick won’t stop laughing and Puck can’t breathe, he can’t fucking breathe but the last thing on his mind before darkness fully envelops his vision is his mom, Sarah and Rachel in that order and how he could have maybe, potentially been less of a douche to all three of them.

Well, no- the last thing on his mind before he regrettably passes out like a huge girl is that he hears a rough, obviously East-coast accented voice say “hey bitch? How about you pick on someone your own size?”


When he comes to, there are two of the finest pieces of ass in front of him- staring at him worriedly, which he finds kind of instinctually soothing as only someone raised by a single Jewish mom can and also one of them is holding his hand- which he takes a moment to savor and strokes the sensitive skin between her index finger and thumb.

“Ew!” she drops it immediately and wipes her palm on the knee of her jeans, grimacing as she stands up and turns back to whoever’s behind her- “and now I know that he’s related to you.”

“Damn right,” an amused male voice drawls out and then a dude strolls out behind Hottie One, smirking like he owns that shit and Puck glares a little at him- because, what the hell man? He was just about to get all up on that.

“Yo?” he rubs his head, where his temple is like legit throbbing or some shit and tries to sit up, groaning as he does. “What the fuck man? What happened?” His voice sounds like he’s gone through puberty in a day, all broken and shit and his throat hurts like a mofo but he’s all in one piece and Puck’s always been an optimist.

And then like Sasquatch pops out of nowhere, looming in all his terrible ten foot tall glory with shaggy girl hair and squinting at Puck pissily like he’s just managed to knock up his mom and Puck thinks- wait… Has he managed to knock up somebody’s mom lately?

“Long story short?” Hottie two asks and hello there miss leather pants, prepare to get your world rocked by the insatiable beast that is the Puckerone.

He leers at her, making sure to angle his Mohawk to the good side and purrs “baby, nothing’s short with me,” while preparing to swoon manfully in her direction since he’s been injured in the call of duty and all.

Silence reins for a couple of moments while everybody processes the sheer badassity that is Puck and he tries to rid himself of the freaking raging headache and- what the fuck was that bitch on? sore throat by blinking into the hottest chick in Lima’s eyes.

“Sam,” Hottie One says plaintively, staring at him with big blue eyes that are faintly reminiscent of Kurt at his most manipulative, “I think your little brother’s hitting on Faith. You might want to do something about that.”

Puck’s so busy flexing his impressive guns in the leather clad beauty’s direction that he misses what she says before his brain does an extremely loud squeal and he shrieks (or as he’ll later insist during a night of hazy drinking with Adam, he bellows, bellows- manfully), “excuse me?”

Which is how Noah Elijah Puckerman finds out that the old man that he’s spent his whole life hating for effectively abandoning him is actually dead.

In fact, he used to be a pretty bad-ass hunter with an insatiable yen for this like vengeance driven quest or some shit straight of Prince of Persia, a huge affinity for being badass in the face of supernatural danger and this like bad habit of having unprotected sex all over the country which is how both Puck and his older brother Adam have come to be.

Which, speaking of Adam- he’s about the only brother that Puck actually likes, cause you know- the other two are plain fucked in the head and if growing up with their father is what got them there? Then thanks but no thanks to John Winchester’s mean parenting skills, both Allison Puckerman and Karen Milligan have done a bang-up job of raising their sons without the grizzly looking fucker breathing over their necks.

Puck only knows what his father looks like due to some sneaky subterfuge executed expertly when Sam accidentally leaves his laptop open one day and Puck stumbles, stumbles-he’ll say until his dying day, upon a folder labeled ‘J.W.’

It takes Puck a full twenty minutes of solid laughter, followed by some full-on choking on account of getting a crazy bitch dragged off him- which speaking of, where the hell is she? he asks and tries not to narrow his eyes to suddenly when Hottie Two- ironically and porntastically named-Faith, who’s so totally supposed to be his future older woman hook-up, well she coughs into her sleeve and tries not to look too guilty at everybody’s amused looks.

But then some weird shit goes down where Hottie One or Dawn, the one with the pissy gaze and the full on Hummel glare of doom- does some freaky voodoo shit and creates things out of thin air, like Sarah’s old stuffed rabbit that she inherited from Puck or a bowl of frozen yoghurt that she passes on to Puck’s more feminine and head-scratchingly ginormous brother so you know- he realizes that magic exists.

Then Faith bends some metal pipe into an impressive looking pretzel and Puck’s starting to get ideas on whether she’ll be able to like make him a custom made bong or some shit before he realizes to ask- “Yo, hold up! This is all well and good, but who the hell put my damn pants back on?”

Puck’s pretty relaxed by everyone’s standards and the fact of the matter is that he’s had a lot of residual anger towards the father that’s never bothered to stick around but hearing what he does about John Winchester? Man, it’s better that the dude never hung out or like watched Puck play Little League or some shit cause as far as he can see- even from the brief twenty minute intro to their lives, done through some impressive arm waving and interpretive eye gesturing- he and Adam have fucking lucked out on not having a daddy figure.

And maybe he’d be going all intensely insane over the fact that nightmare creatures are real but honestly- that explains so much about this world and he makes a mental note to ask Faith to check out Sylvester and maybe like exorcise that shit or something. All in all, he’s pretty calm about the whole thing which he can tell is freaking out his older siblings but it’s okay- Puck’s always prided himself on not being ordinary.

So yeah, monsters are real and his family business is killing them which is like the most horrible job in the world and maybe- just maybe with a whole side of probably, the monsters are going to be coming after him seeing as how his eighteenth birthday is coming up.

Yeah. He gets all that and maybe he’ll freak out at a later date about his three newly discovered older half brothers, the monsters and the women but the question still remains- who touched his junk?


Which is how he finds out that his brothers are planning to stick around Lima for a while cause they’ve apparently just stopped the world ending or some shit and they’ve finally decided to agree to work for the freaking Council which is where Dawn and Faith come in- insisting loudly and screechily, sometimes with actual violence that they are not the Winchester brothers’ minders.

Turns out that femmo-Sam? Dude spent like a hundred years in hell, no lie, and the only way he could get out without full on losing his soul like a spare car key was to bond with an upper level demon which is where like Faith comes in.

Puck tries understanding the whole slayer thing, he does- really. But then he starts thinking about ten year old Sarah getting a freaking demon shoved inside her and he maybe starts freaking out a little bit before they explain the situation just a tad more clearly to him and he apologizes for breaking that fancy looking vase.

Shit looks expensive.

Faith’s not like an actual demon, which would have been unfortunate seeing as how the woman was hot like fire- but she is the last recipient of the most concentrated essence of this super old demon’s essence which allows her to be all superhero but which also gives her these super-awesome mood swings that Puck witnesses on his second day of trying to get to know his errant brothers when Faith throws all of Sam’s shit out of their hotel and pelts him with apples from the balcony with super accuracy while everybody else around them just laughs and mocks Sam’s stumbling efforts not to die from fruit.

This is cool and all and it’s interesting to watch the sexual tension flying high and thick between those two but eventually Puck has to introduce these psychos to his ma cause she’s been hearing rumors around town about her ne’er-do-well son finally taking up with an older gang of hoodlums and that shit is not on.

Dinner doesn’t go too badly considering everything, except things get weird at one point when Puck’s ma starts tearing up as she looks at Dean, declaring that he looks “just like his daddy” and then Puck has to shove them all out the door before his mother starts legit molesting his oldest half brother.

He’s been in the ‘pool cleaning’ business for too long but he knows dudes like Dean and he probably shares those genes with him, it fucking figures that they’d all be manwhores in some weirdly shareable way- but there’s no way in hell his ma is ever being left alone with the unerringly look-alike fruit of John Winchester’s loins.

Call him paranoid if you like but whatever. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

It’s all and good and fun but one Monday, Dean fucking strolls in and announces that he and Sam have bought a freaking garage and Dawn’s finally scouted out some building to set up a Council outpost in Ohio and Puck sits down, almost fucking drops because he realizes that it’s real.


He’s got family, stubborn and vicious and so messed up that they make him look absolutely normal in comparison- but he’s got brothers, and they’re here- in Lima, Ohio trying to recuperate from surviving the end of the world and trying to get to know him before it’s too late.

Oh and yeah, Adam’s told him all about that shit with the Winchesters dying and coming back and dying again and coming back and Puck may be a dumbfuck that knocked up his best friend’s girlfriend- but even he knows not to get killed quiet so many times or for so many stupid reasons.

And fuuuck, Puck thinks dazedly, staring at his bright red Converse as Dean crouches across from him and like fans him with the deed to the garage- full-on into his mama bear routine which Puck, being the awesome younger sibling that he is, lets him continue with- he’s got to tell his best friend about this, and he loves Finn like a brother- he does, but the overgrown lout can’t keep a secret to save his life which means that the gleeks will find out as soon as Finn does and how is this Puck’s life?

He sinks lower into his uncharacteristic pit of brooding until a fucking splash of cold water rouses him, swearing and jerking like one of those creepy marionette dolls that Berry used to keep in her Pepto colored bedroom and Puck sees Adam running away, cackling at the top of his used to be dead lungs while clutching a Super Soaker to his chest.

And then it’s on bitch, it’s on like Donkey Kong and Puck banishes all thoughts of stupidity from his head before bellowing with mock rage and somewhat immaturely boyish glee as he gives chase.
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