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'Let Them Eat Cake!'

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Summary: Why Buffy and Alchemy are unmixy things.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Anime > Fullmetal Alchemist
Stargate > Buffy-Centered
ReallyBoredFR1848,9391198,07918 Apr 1114 Nov 12No

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First Class All The Way, Baby!

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING HERE! Buffy The Vampire Slayer is owned by Joss Whedon and his group. Stargate, the movie version, was created by Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin. Stargate: SG-1 the TV series, is the creation of Brad Wright and Jonathan Glassner. Hiromu Arakawa is the creator of Full Metal Alchemist.

This story is a continuation of a Halloween fic. So, if you recognize it, or if it looks familiar, just remember, IT'S NOT MINE!



Buffy and the Scoobies are on the move again. This time around, they supposedly have adult supervision and company in the form of Buffy's Uncle Jack, heh!

John Hugh's 1987 movie Planes, Trains and Automobiles, starring John Candy and Steve Martin was the inspiration for this portion of the story.





Buffy and the Scoobies take a plane ride.






"Let Them Eat Cake!"




"Okay, the main difference between cake and donut is the holes?" Xander asked uncertain. He eyed the chocolate glazed donut in his hand, then shrugged and took a large bit out of the sugary confection.

"Nope," Willow corrected, absently. Her attention upon the book opened on her lap. Buffy had given it to her; it was entitled, 'Living In Dollhouses'. "Cake is poured into a mold as liquid batter. While donuts are essentially sweet bread--They are cut from a sheet, then deep-fried."

"But, they're still yummy, moist, and delicious," Buffy opinioned. Her hand hovering protectively over a generous slice of Black Forest chocolate cake, sitting on a real plate, with the airline logo painted on the ceramic surface. A tiny, but satisfying perk enjoyed by flying first-class passengers. And by one blonde Slayer and her two Scooby companions. A condition and treat Buffy felt they deserved to experience more often.

The leather seats they had been escorted to, by the stewardess, once they had boarded their plane to Colorado Springs, were up in the first class section of the plane. Not at all seats her Uncle Jack had reserved and paid for. He had set them up in business class, but the airline, and it's personal, had remembered a time or two when the Scoobies had come in for a rescue. As their way of saying thanks, a lifetime of first class travel had been arranged for them.

But it was a reward for the Scoobies, and only the Scoobies. Buffy felt a little bad about leaving Uncle Jack behind--Worse luck for the guy, his reservations had been skewed, and he had unexpectedly been dumped somewhere in economy seating. The modern equivalent of steerage, Buffy was sure. She idly wondered if they served free peanuts? Nah, not likely.

"Guys . . .As informative as this conversation has been, I gotta go and see how Uncle Jack is doing. See you in a few." Buffy said. She got up, and took the plate of chocolate cake with her, aware of the naked, coveting hunger in the following eyes.

Willow sighed, once Buffy disappeared beyond the separating curtains. "I like cake," she murmured discontentedly.

Xander swallowed his recent mouthful, and said cheerfully, "So do I Wils. But do you really think you could have gotten that cake away from the Buffster, with her on guard like that?"

"No," Willow admitted mournfully, pouting. Xander chuckled quietly.

"Ah, don't feel bad, Wils--Here, have a donut." Xander extended his white pastry box to his best friend. With donuts, he could be generous. With a sigh, Willow plucked a powdered jelly donut out of the box. It would have to do--Besides, sharing donutie goodness soothed the fluttering butterflies in her stomach. A tiny reminder that not everything was going to be strange and new. Xander, and Buffy, and Giles, and donuts were going to be there and the same. Not like she was moving to a foreign country, by herself, right? The only off-key, strange thing was that she kept hearing Cordelia's shrill voice--"What do you mean, there's no more cake?!"

Xander's shocked face popped out from behind Willow's seat, his cheeks bulging with donut. "'Ourdee?" The muffled question came out before Xander swallowed and tried again. "Cordie?" The unhappily familiar voice erupted from a few seats in front of them.

"This is suppose to be first class! First class has cake! Business class has pie!"

"I'm sorry, miss. But we're out of the Black Forest chocolate cake. The cherry pie is good," soothed the Stewardess, a smile fixed firmly on her face.

"Whatever! Just leave it here."

The wide-eyed Scoobies watched the still smiling stewardess silently push her dessert cart away--But with a visible white knuckled grip on the handle bar.

In a single identical motion, two sets of eyes swung back to settle on the disgruntle figure of Sunnydale High's deposed queen, Cordelia Chase.

With a sudden decision, Xander rose from his seat and stepped out into the aisle, pastry box in hand.

"Um, Xander?" Willow questioned nervously, noticing what her Xander-Shaped-Friend was doing.

Xander gravely handed Willow his box. She accepted it, confused. "I'm going in, Willow. If I don't come back, keep the donuts and bury me with the Twinkies." He straightened his back, pulled back his shoulders, pushed out his chest and marched bravely to his fate.

Grinning, Xander slide into the vacant seat next to the quietly grousing former cheerleader. "Hi, Cordie! Oooh, pie!"

"Harris!" Squealed Cordelia, jumping in surprise, but still smacking his hand away from her pie. "What are you doing here? Hey, wait--" Her eyes narrowed, suspicious, "You people come in a pack. Where's the rest of the spook patrol? And, oh, god! No wonder my day's turned to crap!"

Xander, shaking and wriggling a stinging hand, responded intelligently. "Ah, um, ah . . .What was the last part again, Cordie?"

Cordelia growled and glared. "You! You and the rest of the ghostbusters ruined my life! Before you people, my life was perfect! Now, my dad and mom decided I was hanging around with the wrong crowd, and decided to ship me off to an uncle on my mom's side of the family! And, no! Not to any place decent or civilized! No! Instead it's to the pus-filled pimple end of the boondocks--Colorado, Springs!"

Xander's laughter turned into a coughing fit. "Sorry *Cough* to hear *Cough* that *Cough*, Cordeila. *Cough* Your uncle, does he have a name? *Cough*"

Cordelia glared hard at Xander, the dessert fork griped tightly in her fist. "McKay. Dr. Rodney McKay." She passed through gritted teeth.

Gaining control of himself, Xander surreptitiously eyed the fork and spoke with an easy grin, "A doctor, huh? Hey, not so bad--At least he can get you discounts on your medical bills!"

"He's not a medical doctor, dofus! He's a physicist. And, he's a Canadian!" Cordelia hissed.

"And that's of the bad, how?" Xander questioned, he shrugged and smirked. "Never mind . . .To graciously answer your earlier, oh, so polite questions, Buffy is going to be living in Colorado, Springs with her uncle. And we're going with! And, FYI, I'm also an emancipated minor! Got the legal paperwork, and everything. So, whatcha' say to that, Queen C, huh?"

Cordelia stared in stunned horror. "You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me."

"Nope," Xander gleefully informed his nemesis. "Just think, Cordie, we might end up being neighbors. Yeah, wouldn't it be great, if we could just open up a window and wave to each other? Every. Single. Morning? Oh, yeah . . .I see you're thinking about that . . .'Kay, now. I've got to go. Other business to attend to, and all that. See you later--Neighbor."

Xander rose from the seat and quickly retreated, leaving a stunned Cordelia staring at the back of the seat in front of her.

Snickering in his head, Xander winked and grinned at a seated Willow. His white pastry box on her lap, donut gone, and both hands holding open her book. She slowly shook her head in silent disapproval at him, causing Xander to grin even wider. He quickly walked past his seat--Xander was not lying to Cordelia when he told her he had business to attend to. It just happened that he needed to make a quick visit to the restrooms.

He had plans to think about--Like talking Buffy into helping him make another giant twinkle! Xander considered gleefully; he was too deep in his thoughts of golden, moist snack cake and vanilla cream goodness to notice where he was walking, until--

"Umph! Sorry, man, I--" Xander paused. He stared at the guy he had nearly run down. Xander suddenly grinned. "Nice shirt."

The blond man, wearing the mostly yellow, Hawaiian shirt, blinked and said uncertainly, "Thanks."

With a happy grin on his face, Xander slid pass the slightly confused man, and whistling softly, walked to the restrooms. He opened an unoccupied, unlocked door--And halted in mid-step--"Oh, geeze, man! I'm so sorry! I--"

What Xander expected, when he accidentally walked in on some guy in the rest room, were pants and underwear around ankles. What he was unprepared for was the half-naked blond woman, down on her knees, with her face buried in the guy's groin. Worse, yet, she looked vaguely familiar--like, like . . .

"Harmony? Harmony Kendall?"

"Mindy? Mindy!"

With a wet, slurping, popping sound, glistening red lips slid quickly off the man's length as the wide-eyed woman gasped out in surprised horror--"Dave!"

Xander whirled around in shock at the primal growl--It was the blond guy in the Hawaiian shirt! Only the face was scaled, fanged, and had five red glowing eyes!


Xander was never really certain why his luck ran from hot to cold. Like suddenly turning around and finding the only exit blocked by a large angry demon, breathing hot, rotting meat-breath on his face! And just as quickly having his luck turn in the form of a decent violent jerk from the plane, coinciding with a loud, messy release from the guy in the rest room! Xander was tossed hard against the doorjamb. But he ignored the pain in his shoulder and thigh, unhesitatingly taking the boon his odd luck had given him, and stepped on and stumbled over Mr. Five Eyes on the floor, who had become distracted and unbalanced by those two previous events, screaming all the way--"Buffy!"

As he fled, Xander decided the guy in the rest room was on his own--Or, at least until he pulled his pants back on!





According to Wikipedia, the Twinkie was invented by James Alexander Dewar in 1930, for the Continental Baking Company; they later became Hostess Brand. Out of necessity, during World War 2, the original banana cream filling was replaced by the famous vanilla cream. Decades later, the original banana cream filling was reintroduced. As for the name "Twinkie", Mr. Dewar explained he was inspired by a billboard advertising 'Twinkle Toes Shoes'--A fact Buffy might have appreciated.

In 1981, Hostess created a one ton, ten-foot long twinkie to celebrate the snack cake's 50th birthday.

Oh, and Hostess Brand does make bread--Wonder Bread.

Thanks for reading! Goodbye!
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