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Let All the Pranks Come to a Complete Halt...

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Summary: He's absolutely fed up. The pranks must stop. It's time for drastic measures. What's a guy to do?

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Star Wars > Non-BtVS/AtS StoriesBarefootXOFR71777031,05629 Apr 1129 Apr 11Yes
I don't own Star Wars or any of its characters. They belong to George Lucas. This fic contains spoilers for the X-wing Series and the NJO.


Let All the Pranks Come to a Complete Halt...
Or Else!


I was tired of his blasted pranks . They had gone on for too long.

Today is the day that I’ll get my revenge. He has all of the things that make pranks great. But I have the resources to punish him, and so I will.

Yesterday was the last straw. Let me tell you about that little debacle:


He had been quiet all day. I knew that was a bad sign, but didn’t want to take the chance that there might actually be a moment of peace in my miserable existence.

Then I got a call on the comlink from Cal Omas, our Chief of State. I found myself praying that it was a business call, even though I’ve always hated business. No such luck.

"He did it again."

"You don’t mean the same thing as last week?"

"Yes... Except this time he actually put together a group of Ewok droids to form the dancing line. I had a diplomatic incident on my hands because little furry creatures remind the Corcasians of their ancient enemies, the Baku. They almost withdrew from the Galactic Alliance in utter rage. This is my first break in eight hours of desperate apologies. You have to discipline him somehow."

"I’ve been trying for years."

"Stop trying. Succeed. Or I’ll have to do it myself. And you won’t like the results."

"Yes, President Omas."


You can see why I’m looking for a suitable revenge.

My wife said I should go easy on him, until I reminded her of the time he rigged the comm systems on her personal spacecraft to broadcast her voice with an Ewok pitch and intonation. After that, it was all I could do to keep the punishment from being ridiculously painful. My wife can be quite vengeful when pressed, and she hates being made a fool of.

I’m still not sure that I should do this. He’s not that bad most of the time. But then there are times when he won’t let up at all. And that obsession he has with Ewoks is downright unhealthy. Still I can’t help but think that its my fault somehow, or perhaps the fault of a certain someone else. So maybe I’ll let him off with a warning this time.

No. I can’t do it. Then again, I have to do it. If I don’t try to get through to him now then President Omas will, and I doubt that Omas will be gentle with him.

My taking this revenge is really for his own good. I have to believe that. It has nothing to do with the fact that he broke into my room and died my hair green while I slept, though I will admit that incident does figure in the severity of the sentence I’m about to impose.

"Sir. He’s here."

That was my secretary. I hate all of this bureaucratic nonsense that President Omas has been pushing on me lately. I tried to retire six times but he won’t let me.

Oh! "Send him in Miss Jones."

The door before cracks open as the smirking miscreant steps before me.

"I didn’t do it."

"President Omas says you did."

"What does he know?"

"That a bunch of Ewok droids have landed him in a full-scale diplomatic incident."

"I doubt it was that bad."

"Nevertheless, I have to punish you or he will."


"I’m not letting you have pizza during your squadron briefings."

"What? You gotta be..."

"I’m confiscating any Ewok-related paraphernalia that you may own."

"But you can’t..."

"I’m taking away your lightsaber for a week."

"Now wait just a..."

"And you can’t talk to your Uncle Wes for a full month."

"But Dad!!!"

"Is that understood."

"Yes Dad."

"This action is being taken as your Master."

"Yes Master Skywalker."

"Good now get moving. Jaina says that you Rogues are being sent to escort a convoy and she wants you there and ready within the hour."

"Yes Master." With that sixteen-year-old Ben Skywalker, Jedi Apprentice and Rogue Squadron rookie, left me sitting in my office.

It hurt to punish my son like that. But I wasn’t too severe with him. And the look on his face made it all worth it. Revenge at last. Now if I can just restore my hair to its natural colour...


I'll be very interested to hear how long it took people to figure out who my main characters were...


The End

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