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The Twisted Road Home

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This story is No. 2 in the series "The Twisted Road". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Xander’s tired. Faith’s wounded. Willow has PTSD and Wesley’s a mess. It’s their job to rebuild the council. House may be Cordy and Giles’ only hope. What could possibly go wrong? (SEQUEL to Xander's New House) *(SERIES COMPLETE)*

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > House, M.D. > Multiple Pairings
Television > Criminal Minds
Television > Quincy, M.E.
(Current Donor)DeepBlueJoyFR1549209,0671439063,7329 May 1114 May 14Yes

The Hitchhiker's guide to Honeymooning...

....So long and thanks for all the fish... and recommendations and reviews....


Xander had no idea where they were going for their honeymoon. All Dawn would say was that it was very far away and that he should pack light. He’d gotten used to traveling via Dawn’s particular brands of magic, but this was different. For one thing, she’d used her blood. She’d used it to ‘see’ where they were going – something that made him just a little bit nervous.

“Don’t worry, Xander, I promise, you’ll like it,” said Dawn. “It’s got all the comforts of home and best of all, we won’t be interrupted.”

“I like the sound of that,” said Xander.

“I thought you might,” said Dawn, her voice a soft purr that went straight to Xander’s loins.

Then she took his hand and they winked out of the house. That part was familiar. What wasn’t familiar was the sensation of motion. Usually, they winked out of the house, and winked into wherever it was they were going and it felt almost as if he’d blinked, then opened his eyes somewhere else. This time, he felt a tugging sensation and it seemed almost as if time were passing. Then they were standing on grass in the most beautiful landscape Xander had ever seen. There were other people present, but no one seemed particularly surprised by the manner of their arrival.

Xander looked around. Lush green grass beneath his feet, and a beautiful almost impossibly blue sky above. The most striking thing was the two planets he could see in sky. One had rings like Saturn, but it was amazing shades of blue and purple. The other looked for all the world like a giant red marble, shot through with threads of gold, green and blue. When he could take his eyes off them, he noticed the blue of the mountains in the distance, the sound of the ocean behind him, He turned around in a full circle, taking in the beauty of the brilliant blue water that stretched to the horizon. Beyond the grass was a golden strip of sand where families lounged while children played and couples strolled along.

The air was warm, but not hot. Xander took a lungful of the fresh air and savored the light breeze, then he turned back to look inland again. Several hundred yards away was a cluster of some of the most interesting and unusual buildings he’d ever seen. Modern, but not like any architecture he was familiar with. Interestingly, there seemed to be no cars anywhere. Just people walking, and the occasional materialization of people nearby. He wondered if that was what they’d looked like when they’d arrived. They actually seemed to be reforming as they arrived. Finally, Xander got his voice back.

“Where are we?”

“Azar Prime,” said Dawn. “The Azaran Homeworld.”

“Another planet?”

“Yes,” said Dawn.

“Wow. You’ve been here before?”

“Not exactly,” said Dawn. “I’ve been… looking around. I was almost decided on the Risan Homeworld, but there are too many tourists and magic is secret…”

“The Risan Homeworld?”

“It’s a pleasure planet,” said Dawn.

“A pleasure planet?” asked Xander.

“Don’t go getting any ideas, from what I could tell, it’s mostly a very, very beautiful tourist trap,” said Dawn. “Anyway, this was easier because getting the Corgan was easier than anything we could have used for currency on Risa.”

“You’ve been doing a lot of research,” said Xander. Xander was going to ask about Corgan, but his mind was flooded.

“Yes, but it’s been fun,” said Dawn, grinning.

“My girl… sometimes, your idea of fun is very different from other people’s,” said Xander, shaking his head.

“Yes, but you love the results,” said Dawn.

“Yes, I do,” said Xander. “Now I know why you’ve been poking yourself with needles.”

“Can’t hide anything from you!” said Dawn. “I wanted to find a peaceful world with all the modern conveniences and none of the pollution or any of that jazz…”

“So we’re in another dimension?” Xander frowned.

“Nope,” said Dawn with a shudder. “Not going to do that again anytime soon – and anyway, it’s not really possible to go corporeally – it’s too dangerous.”

“So… this is…” Xander looked around at the beautiful paradise.

“This is in our dimension. It’s just… a long way from home.”

“So these are… aliens?”

“I guess you could say that. They probably would think of us as the aliens.”

“Yeah, I guess… but they look like us,” said Xander. “I thought aliens would be more… alien.”

“Some of them are, but I think they came from earth… or maybe we both came from the same place. Anyway, their physiology is almost exactly like ours. It’s actually a lot like earth here…”

“Yeah, if earth had visible planets in the sky,” said Xander.

“Yes, well they have magic… and humanoid people, anyway.”

“And all kinds of super technology and really cool fancy architecture,” said Xander.

“Yes. They do have advanced technology. They also have technology mixed with magic…”

“So everyone here knows about magic?” Xander was stunned.

“It would seem that way,” said Dawn. “And everyone on the nearby planets, even those that don’t have magic know that it exists here.”

“Wow,” said Xander. “It’s beautiful… and people just flit in and out…”

“Well… they’re hundreds of years ahead of us, maybe more. The transporter technology is only a couple hundred years old and it’s magically enhanced... at least the transporter technology of this planet is,” said Dawn

“Wow… so they’re like you?”

“No,” she smirked at him. No one else is like me, Xander… Transporter technology only allows beaming from city to city or from ship to ground and back – and there needs to be a transporter platform within range. They can’t travel that way from planet to planet. I don’t know everything about them yet, though. Want to help me find out?”


Dawn grinned at him.

“So… wait… How will we be able to speak their language?”

“They have a kind of universal translator we can get – all travelers get them, apparently – and most people travel a lot,” said Dawn. “Besides, the language… it’s not that different from Greek. You pick up languages fast, especially since you started traveling, Xander… you’ll be fine.”

“Greek? Out here?” said Xander.

“Yup,” said Dawn. “Those guys get around!”

“You’re enjoying this way too much!” said Xander.

“So, let’s find ourselves a place to stay,” said Dawn.

“What are we going to use for money?”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Dawn. “You know I do my research.”

“Always,” said Xander

She handed him a small vial, inside of which was a liquid that looked silver, then gold as he turned the vial in his hand.

“What’s this?”

“Money,” said Dawn. “Well, it’s the elemental form of the most valuable metal in this quadrant. We’re very rich.”


“I stuck my hand deep into the planet where it’s most abundant and pulled it out,” said Dawn.

“Did you steal it?”

“They haven’t even discovered that planet yet. It’s many light years away from here,” said Dawn, grinning. “They’re still mining it in a horrible desert planet. My planet’s beautiful – even more than this one... It would have been great for our honeymoon, except for the fact that it’s completely deserted and there are no hotels or anything. We can go for a day trip if you like. You’d like it. You can help me name it!”

“Oh,” said Xander. “Wow.”

“I’m considering buying a ship and setting up a little mine there,” said Dawn. “Then we could travel around the galaxy in style…”


“Naah,” said Dawn, “Just kidding. At least, I think we should wait until after our honeymoon.”

“So… we’ll just walk into the hotel and give them this, and they’ll give us a room?”

“No, we’re gonna go to the mining exchange, and they’re gonna set up our accounts,” said Dawn. “Then we go to the hotel.”

“When did you find all this out?”

“I kinda got into a copy of their database,” said Dawn.

“You know what, I don’t want to know,” said Xander.

“I sort of… surfed their equivalent to the web from what passes for a library here,” said Dawn. “It’s quite legal. Was kind of tricky doing it remotely… but I can teach you how to do it now we’re here. It’s easier than our internet.”

“Is there anything you can’t do?”

“There’s lots of things I can’t do… but, there’s probably nowhere I can’t go,” said Dawn.


“As long as it’s in this dimension,” said Dawn, grinning. “And this dimension is a very, very big place.”

“I think my brain’s gonna explode,” said Xander.

“Breathe. Think of lovely almost deserted beaches with fruit trees hanging over the water and temperatures that never go above eighty or below seventy…”

“So… are you gonna bring the others out here?”

“I’m thinking this will be our little secret… for a while anyway… a place where we can get away from everything… really get away.”

“I think I like the sound of that,” said Xander.

“Besides, I don’t think I’m ready to tell Buffy and Willow that they kinda activated all the slayers in the known universe.”

“I think I’ll leave that one to you,” said Xander.


Author's Note: yes, Risa is in the Star Trek Universe, which officially sort of makes this a very minor Star Trek crossover... Nope, that doesn't belong to me either.

Corgan, is as far as I know, my own invention... a liquid metal that looks like both mercury and gold... please don't steal.

The End

You have reached the end of "The Twisted Road Home". This story is complete.

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