Still owned by Joss & the BBC/RTD! A/N:
Season six. After ‘Life Serial’ and it will end right after ‘All the Way’, before ’Once More With Feeling.”
I pushed some extra time in between episodes so they won’t line up exactly.
I’m not going to focus on the actual episodes themselves as they really aren’t that imperative to this specific storyline.
I’m mostly focusing on what’s going on in between the episodes—the interactions between Buffy and the Doctor, seeing as how they are the most important! =)
In this story, Buffy’s a little more…weary of Spike than she is in the actual beginning of season six. I just feel that it works better with her shame of sleeping with him later in the season. Thanks for reading!
I Thought I’d Never See You Again
I was having a rough few months, to say the least. The very
Found out I was dead broke(no pun intended).
Former enemy still completely obsessed with me…and also the only one to understand what I’m going through.
Hiding severe depression.
Yep. Definitely a rough time for the Buffsters.
I sat on the edge of the cliff, staring out at the pitch black sky. I had taken to coming up here every night for the last two weeks now.
The same cliff that Angel and I had---well, you already know that story.
I had told everyone that I was patrolling but instead, here I sat. Staring into the sky.
Searching the stars.
For whom, I’m sure you can guess.
Willow had told me of his arrival a few weeks after my death.
His extreme sadness at my passing.
His bonding with Dawn.
His arrival and his departure.
I had been sitting for close to an hour now.
I had no idea how to get a hold of him.
When he had come after Mom, it was on his own.
When he had come after my death, it was an accident.
He had been drawn to Sunnydale due to the giant release of mystical energy surrounding my death.
There was a ton of mystical energy surrounding my resurrection…probably more than there had been surrounding my death. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me (again, no pun intended) what was taking him and that blue box of his so damn long to materialize.
I didn’t think that the TARDIS would be able to resist that amount of energy but apparently I was wrong.
A small rustling of the trees behind me knocked me out of my thoughts.
I let out an annoyed breath.
“Spike, just come out. I know it’s you.”
After a moment or two he emerged and stood next to me.
“This doesn’t look like patrolling to me.” he quipped with a stupid smirk.
“What’s it to you?” I asked, still majorly annoyed at his presence.
“Heard you went and saw tall, dark and forehead.”
“Spike, knock it off.”
“Sorry, love. Hate reflex. What did you loveys talk about?”
I let out another annoyingly angry sigh.
Of course that’s what he wanted to know. The big secret. What happened between Angel and I during our rendezvous?
“A-We’re not… ‘loveys’. B- Don’t ever call me ‘love’. C- It’s none of your business.”
“You want to keep it all secretive then. I get it. Mind if I sit?”
I rolled my eyes at him but moved over so he could sit and resumed my search of the stars.
“What’re you looking at?” he questioned after a few minutes.
I took a deep breath and sighed once more, this time sadly.
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”
“Buffy, dumb question, please don’t hit me, well, do hit me if you’d like, but are you alright?”
The amount of concern in his voice automatically repulsed me.
I mean…this is Spike we’re talking about. Spike. The guy that had a sexbot made in my exact likeness.
I stood up and dusted off my pants.
“Yeah. Fine. I’m fine. I think I’m ready to go pummel something now. Alone
, if you don’t mind.”
I walked slowly throughout the town. I had been patrolling for about fifteen minutes now with nothing to show for it except…well, no, okay. I had nothing.
The way my life was going at the moment.
A whole vat of nothingness.
I had made my way to the park by now.
“Hellooo. Vampires. Come out nowwww.” I said out loud.
I turned my head at the sound of rustling in the bushes behind me. I raised my stake and my fists in anticipation of the coming fight.
A gray cat ran out and across the grass.
I lowered my fists and sunk down onto an empty swing.
Again, I say…nothingness.
My life was nothing but the same repetitive motions.
Wake up. Get Dawn to school. Go to The Magic Box. On the rarest occasion there would be training. Eat at some point. Go patrolling. Sleep. Repeat.
Crush, kill, destroy.
I sat, sulking, for another few minutes until I heard a familiar voice.
My head picked up and my heart filled with hope that I wasn’t imagining it in my repetitive boredom.
I turned my head and sure enough, there he was.
He looked a little different than when I had seen him last. Instead of a wrinkly brown suit and white converse, he was wearing a wrinkly navy suit with red converse. I made a mental note to discuss fashion with him some day.
“Oi, what’re you doing sitting down over here?” he said, walking up to me.
I looked at him, confused.
“Um, hello to you too?”
“Do you need Willow?” he asked, softly.
“…Why would I need Willow?” I asked, her name leaving a sour taste on my tongue. I was overwhelmingly angry at her. And Xander. And Anya. And Tara. I would never tell them though. I swore to it. They would never know.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get you fixed up in no time. Did your wires get crossed again?” he asked, squatting down to get a closer look at me.
Comprehension hit me.
“Just hold still.” he said, smiling sadly, taking his sonic doo-hickey out of his jacket pocket.
I did what he said and shut my mouth. He would figure it out eventually.
He buzzed the sonic up and down, back and forth.
He eyed me curiously, hit a couple of different buttons on the sonic doo-hickey and buzzed it around me again.
His eyes widened in realization and he stumbled backwards, falling on the ground.
“What………what………what?!?!” he stuttered.
“Like I started to say, I’m not the Buffy-Bot. I’m the real deal.”
He sat back up and stared into my eyes.
“What? How? How is this possible?”
“She did a big mojo-filled spell thing.” I replied somberly.
“She resurrected you.”
He sat on the ground, deep in thought, for a few minutes before his eyes widened once more.
He pulled me into a tight hug.
“I’m so sorry.” he whispered into my ear.
I tried to hold back tears, but there was no way. A rush of emotion hit me and they started to fall, rapidly. I grabbed him and held him to me as tight as I could, letting my tears fall.
I may have told Spike about Heaven but the Doctor would be the only one to see my misery.
He pulled out of the hug, only just slightly, still keeping his arms wrapped around me.
He gently wiped the tears from my eyes and looked at me with great sadness laced throughout his ancient features.
He softly pressed a kiss to my forehead. I leaned down and buried my face into his shoulder.
He held me for an immeasurable amount of time before gently pulling us out of our tangled arrangement.
“Here, let’s get you home.”
I quickly shook my head. “No. No. I don’t want to go home right now. I can’t. Not like this.”
“I understand. The TARDIS then. C’mon, let’s go. She’s only a block or so away.”
“So...” I said, much calmer now.
He was leaning on the console with his arms folded while I sat on his chair.
“So.” he countered.
“This is really awkward, huh?”
“Buffy, the last time I was here, I not only learned of your death, I spent a month staring at a carbon copy of you. A month of pure, wrenching heartbreak. Yeah, this is a bit awkward.”
“Guess it’s a good thing you’ve got two hearts then.”
He smirked a little. “Yeah, guess so.”
“Where have you been?”
“Here and there.” he answered, quietly.
“Oh come on! You travel through time and space and the best you have is ‘here and there’? Lame. Very very lame.” I replied, sarcastically.
He laughed a little bit. “I see it didn’t take you long to get your wit back.”
“Nope. Still little witty old me. Come sit and tell me stories. I could use stories. Been having a rough few months.” I said, patting the seat next to me.
He sat down next to me. “Well, I imagine death will do that to a person, Slayer or not.”
“Not death, per se.”
“Not death?” he questioned.
“Death plus resurrection plus being torn out of Heav--bills. Lots and lots of bills that just keep rapidly popping up. Oh, and I could have totally used you last week! Time was flashing all over the place!”
He cocked his head and a serious expression played over his face. He seemingly ignored my almost slip of where I had been in favor of the mention of the time flash. Something about his face told me though that we would be revisiting my slip.
“Well, I was supposed to meet Tara at her art history class, but when I got there…everything got all…weird.”
“Weird in Sunnydale. There’s a new theory.” he smiled.
“Everything was flashing forward. Suddenly, it was the end of class and Tara was there asking me why I didn’t meet her. Then, suddenly, we were in the courtyard. There was this little…..thing hooked to my shirt. I picked it off and it like…self destructed or something and time went back to normal.”
“That’s very strange indeed…”
“I’m not done.”
“How did I know that?”
“So then, I tried to go to work with Xander, at the construction site. All the guys were so dumb and stupid and mean and—“
“Right, sorry. Anyway, after I showed them all up with my strength, there were these demons and I killed them and I kind of trashed the site a little bit but I mean, I saved lives! I saved all of their lives and Xander got mad and acted like I brought the demons with me! And then they fired me! I saved all of their stupid lives and they fired me. And then, to top it off, Anya and Giles told me I could work at The Magic Box. They said it would be easy. Well, I don’t know what their idea of easy is but I don’t really feel that looping time counts.” I rambled.
“Yeah. Everything kept repeating itself. Kind of like a real life word problem.”
“And then, I went out and a series of events--that I will not go into detail about--happened that lead to me getting drunk and following Spike around to watch him play kitten poker for information. Well, needless to say, that didn’t pan out. The week ended in complete and total disaster.”
I glared pointedly at the Doctor.
“Out of all that you get stuck on kitten poker?”
“Right, sorry. Carry on.”
“I just feel like my life has reached it’s completely utter low point. That’s when I started searching—er, nevermind.”
“Searching? Searching for what?”
I hesitated for a moment. “You.”
“Me?” he questioned.
“Yes, you. Two whole weeks I spent watching the skies just for a little hope of, well, I don’t know what I expected. Just….something. And then tonight you just appear out of nowhere.”
“I was coming back to check on Dawn. I promised her I would.”
“You were checking up on Dawnie?”
“Well someone has to. That poor girl has been in so much pain and no one else around here seemed to notice it. How did she take your…resurrection?”
I thought a moment. “Not bad, actually. Better than I expected.”
“How are you taking your resurrection?”
“I think you know the answer to that one.” I replied quietly.
He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to him. I leaned my head down to his shoulder and, for a lack of a better term, snuggled up.
“Was Giles in on it?” he asked, after several silent minutes.
“No. He's really mad at Willow.”
“Rightfully so, no offense. I very much would rather have you alive than dead.”
“I get it.”
“Willow doesn’t seem to be able to grasp the magical energy notion.”
“Every spell she does, from the meek little floating pencil trick up to the amazing resurrection of you, can cause universal tears. The larger the spell, the stronger the magic, the more powerful the tear. I hope that the hole she’s caused won’t come back to haunt your planet some day.”
“That just does not sound like anything good.”
“Okay well I’ve had quite enough ‘not good’ to last me seven lifetimes. Can we just focus on something that is actually good?”
He just smiled and squeezed me a little tighter.
We stayed huddled up for quite awhile. Sometimes speaking, sometimes not. I was automatically more relaxed and not as depressed with him just being there.
“Doctor, how long do you plan on staying?”
“I’ll stay as long as I’m needed, love.”
I smiled slightly. It felt much different, the Doctor calling me ‘love’ versus Spike. I found that I actually didn’t mind it at all.
“Promise?” I asked.
He smiled again. “I promise.”
(Three months later)
I stood in the darkened alley way, just outside of the Bronze, with tears falling down my face.
“Don’t feed me lines or excuses. Just…please. I’m begging.”
“I care for you very deeply, however, I have to do this. I need to go.”
“Why? Why do you have to go?”
“It’s just….time. It’s time for me to go. I’ve stayed long enough.”
“But…you promised. You promised me you would stay as long as I wanted.”
“I promised that I would stay as long as I’m needed
“You are needed! I need you very much!”
“You are struggling--”
“Yes, I am. I hate struggling. I’m over struggling.”
“My leaving is the best thing for you right now. It may seem like I’m being cruel and cold-hearted, and in a way, I am, but you need this. I feel that it’s the only way you’re ever going to be able to rise back up.”
“You’re wrong.” I growled through the ever rapid tears.
“No, I’m not. I’m sorry. I’m so very sorr-”
“Yeah, you’re sorry. I get it.” I spat back.
“Buffy, you have no idea how much it’s killing me to leave you like this, but it’s the right thing to do. I just hope that in time you’ll understand and you’ll be able to forgive me.”
I slapped him firmly across the face. It didn’t knock him over, but he did stumble back a bit.
He didn’t say anything. He just walked over and pulled me into a tight hug and kissed me on the forehead.
He turned, walked to the TARDIS and slid the funny shaped key into the lock. He stepped inside and shut the doors without so much as a glance back to me.
In a matter of seconds, she was dematerializing.
I sunk to the ground, the sobs rising higher and higher, tears pouring down.
Someway or another, I always managed to lose everyone that I cared about. There were so many things I wanted to tell him that I somehow hadn’t managed to bring up in the last three months. Mostly that I was in Heaven. He never brought it up again after I slipped that night, nor did I. But now I found myself desperately wanting him to know. Perhaps it would have made him stay.
I felt extremely empty. The three months he had been here had been some of the best. Yes, I was still depressed over the whole resurrection thing but he made it tolerable. Extremely. I even found myself smiling at times.
Now I was back to being sad, pathetic Buffy.
He had said that we would see each other again someday but I found myself doubting that.
The saying that I had heard so many times before darted through my mind once more.
The Slayer is alone. Always alone.