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The Xander Cure

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Summary: Xander is possessed again. What exactly will cure him? Crack!fic. Round robin.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Supernatural > GenerallothlorienFR1311,837041,32615 May 1115 May 11Yes
Disclaimer: We don’t own anything you recognise, We probably do own everything you don’t recognise and we’re not making any money from this.

Crossover: Buffy: the Vampire Slayer/Supernatural.

Authors: Written by lothlorien & CorruptedSmile.

Rating: FR13 for some bad language.

Spoilers: Post-Buffy series. None for Supernatural.

Summary: Xander is possessed again. What exactly will cure him? Crack!fic. Round robin.



“talking”
‘thinking’
emphasis
time and/or place



Story: The Xander Cure



The Cleveland Hellmouth

It had happened again. Xander had gone out on a date with someone, who had at the time seemed to be a perfectly normal girl, for the first time since Sunnydale had collapsed. They should have known that his demon magnetism wouldn’t have stopped working just because they weren’t on the Sunnydale Hellmouth anymore. In all their excitement over Xander going on his first date since Anya had died, though, they had forgotten about that little fact. So now they were looking at a pissed-off, snarling, black-eyed, possessed Xander who was trying to claw his way out of the devil’s trap they had snared him in.

Everything they had tried on Xander had failed to work, so they decided to call in the cavalry. Now they were impatiently waiting for Dean and Sam Winchester to show up and do their thing, hoping that they’d have more success. In all honesty, if the Winchester brothers failed, they didn’t know what else they could try.

---

The bell rang.

The Slayers were on patrol, the Scoobies were in the library working their way through all the texts they had gathered over the years for the millionth time, searching for the solution to one of their more recent demonic trouble, and Andrew was on Xander-watching duty. Whatever was possessing Xander seemed to react best to the little geek—almost as if it knew that he wasn’t much of a threat compared to the others in the house. Knowing that everyone else was occupied, Dawn went to open the door.

---

Opening the door, she startled at the sight of two gorgeous men standing on the porch. Frowning, she made a mental note to talk to Buffy about forgetting to mention how hot the Winchester brothers were—if these two were in fact Dean and Sam Winchester, that was.

“Hello,” Dawn said cautiously.

The sandy-haired man smiled at her charmingly. “Hello, I don’t think we’ve met. My name is Dean Winchester and this here is Sammy.”

Sam glared at his brother briefly before turning to smile politely at Dawn. “I’m Sam Winchester. We’re here about a possession.”

Dawn smiled back at him, dismissing Dean for the time being. “Oh, yeah . . .”

Turning on her heel, she motioned for them to follow her and lead them to the library where she introduced them to Giles, Buffy and Willow.

“I’m glad you could come,” Giles said. “We tried everything we could think of, but since we never really worked with possessions I’m afraid we didn’t get very far.”

Dean nodded understandingly. “Why don’t you tell us what you know so far? After that we’ll go see our victim.”

---

“Holy shit!”

Sam glared at his brother for his less-than-professional reaction and turned to the girls and Giles, smiling at them reassuringly. “Don’t mind Dean. He makes it a habit of acting inappropriately in front of—well, I hope you don’t me saying this—pretty girls. This isn’t anything we haven’t seen a million times before.”

Dean looked at him incredulously. “What the fuck, Sammy?! Did you see the same thing I did?! That is not a normal possession!”

“Hey, watch your language!” Buffy yelled, clapping her hands over Dawn’s ears.

Dawn simply rolled her eyes and pried off Buffy’s hands. “Oh, please, like I haven’t heard worse from Spike. I heard words coming from his mouth that I didn’t even know existed. Nothing will shock me now.” She turned to glare at Buffy. “And on behalf of myself, I add an indignant “Hey!”. I’m not a child anymore, Buffy, so deal with it.” She huffily turned away from her sister, crossed her arms and looked pointedly at Dean. “How about you get to the point quickly and tell us how you’re going to free Xander from the thing that’s possessing him.”

“She’s feisty,” Dean murmured to Sam. “I like it.”

Sam gave him a disgusted look. “You would.”

“Ahem. Hi, there. Some of us don’t have all day to talk about feisty girls,” Buffy said, showing them that she had a better-than-average hearing by quoting Dean. “Why don’t you just do your thing. You know, wave your magic wand, sprinkle your smelly herbs, burn some incense.”

“Is this chick for real?” Dean asked Sam disbelievingly.

“Mr. Winchester, Buffy is not a chick as you so succinctly put it. She’s in fact the Slayer,” Giles came to Buffy’s defence.

Seeing the blank looks they were giving Giles, Dawn added, “This means that she could kick your asses all the way to hell and back with one hand tied behind her back.”

“Language, Dawn,” Buffy chastised, making her sulk again.

“Um, guys, as fascinating as all this side-entertainment is, I kind of want to get Xander back to normal,” Willow interrupted.

“Well, then, can’t keep the pretty woman waiting, Sammy,” Dean said, becoming all business in a matter of seconds. “Let’s do this shit!”

---

Three Days Later

Sam sighed heavily and threw himself on the sofa, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “What about Extraho*?”

Dean threw himself next to his brother and shook his head. “We tried that already, remember?”

“Well, how about Expello** then?”

“We tried that too.”

“What about—”

“That too.”

“Or how about we—”

“Tried it, didn’t do anything.”

Sam let out a groan and looked at his brother. “Well, I’m all out of ideas. We tried everything we knew, Dean, and the thing just won’t budge!”

They both crossed their arms over their chest, leaned back against the sofa they had flung themselves into tiredly and went back to glaring at the—unfortunately—still-possessed young man while they tried to come up with something else to try.

---

Dean and Sam had started their three-day ordeal with one of the Scoobies always overseeing their every move, but after the 15th failed attempt they had been pretty much left alone to do their thing. The problem now was that they had come to the point where they didn’t have anything else left to try—no matter how valiantly they tried.

---

Dean took a few deep breaths and relaxed against the cushions by consciously loosening up every major muscle group in his body. “Maybe we’re doing this wrong. Let’s start at the beginning. What enables a possession?”

Sam looked at his brother irritably. “This is not the time for a pop-quiz, Dean.”

“Humour me,” Dean replied, mustering the strength from somewhere to give his brother a glare.

Sam sighed. “OK, then, if you insist. You need a possessing spirit and a susceptible vessel.”

“That’s useless information for his case,” Dean concluded, motioning with his head towards Xander. “Next question: what do exorcising spells need?”

His younger brother looked at him as if he was an idiot. “Seriously, what’s with the quiz? You know these things as well as I do, Dean. You need an outsider performing a spell, or a ritual or whatever, and you need the victim to help by fighting back while someone works on that, hopefully expelling the spirit from within them by working together.”

Dean looked up sharply from where he had been studying his knees. “That’s it, Sammy! It’s not the spells that are wrong; it’s Xander himself. He’s either not strong enough or not trying hard enough.”

---

“You take that back! Xander’s plenty strong! He fought back more possessions than anyone else in this house!”

Dean and Sam turned to look at the powerful redhead standing behind them who was glaring for all she was worth at the thought of these two stranger calling Xander weak.

Knowing how powerful Willow was, Sam cut off Dean before he could make any, inevitably doomed, attempt at being diplomatic. “We’re not saying that he’s weak, Willow. It’s just not possible that every single spell and ritual and incantation would fail. Maybe he’s just . . .”

Sam paused briefly, struggling to think of a word that would let him leave the room with all his bits attached.

Luckily he was spared the effort of thinking too deeply by Willow who interrupted him. “He’s not just anything. If he’s slacking off, then I’ll make him fight. Prepare the ingredients for your spell, I’ll be right back.”

---

Dean and Sam shared a quick bemused look as Willow stormed out of the room. Shrugging at the strangeness that practically permeated the Scoobies, they went about preparing the only spell they still had all the ingredients for. It wasn’t their strongest one, but if Willow could really get Xander to fight back, then it would work just fine. The preparations were simple, so they were ready when Willow stormed back in.

“When I step away from him, you do your spell,” Willow told Dean and Sam firmly and marched over to where Xander was standing, bound to the wall with spelled shackles they had put on him magically after the first day and ensnared in the devil’s trap.

Ignoring his snarls and snapping teeth, she leaned in as close to his ear as she could get and whispered something too soft for Dean and Sam to hear. Then she jumped back and Dean and Sam shouted, “Expello!!”

Xander’s muscles tensed as he strained to get away from the wall, his eyes widening for a second before closing as he slumped back against the wall like a puppet with broken strings.

“Did it work?” Sam asked tentatively after a few seconds had gone without anything happening.

His question was answered when Xander’s—now brown again—eyes opened and he looked up at Willow expectantly, making grabbing motions as far as his shackles allowed him. “Gimme!”

Willow squealed in joy and hugged Xander tightly, murmuring a spell under her breath to release him. She then pulled out a Twinkie from her pocket and gave it to her eager friend while the Winchesters were looking at her in confusion. She gave them a happy grin and said, “Twinkies—what can’t they do?”



End of “The Xander Cure”.

*Latin: I remove
** Latin: I banish

A/N: This was our first attempt at writing a round robin with just two of us, me, CorruptedSmile, and lothlorien. It started out as a means to raise the amount of crossovers on lothlorien’s account, but ended up being so much fun that we’re seriously considering writing another crossover. Go figure.

On that note, I, CorruptedSmile, known for my inability to have one-shots stay one-shots, sincerely hope that this one story stays as it is, meaning sequel and prequel free. Fingers crossed.

Reviews are appreciated (either a ‘well-done’ of some kind or concrit). Flames shouldn’t be given to either of us as we’re more likely to laugh at them rather than cry over them. If you don’t want to be mocked about your inability to click a certain button *cough*back button*cough*, I suggest you keep your flames to yourself.

The End

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