Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Rules for Challenges

The Torquay Frog Mystery.

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking

This story is No. 12 in the series "Grim up North.". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: They could have gone anywhere for their vacation; San Tropez, Acapulco, The Seychelles. Instead Willow and Kennedy went to Torquay; the sea demons and cultists turned out to be the least of their problems.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > Fawlty Towers
Games > Horror > Call of Cthulhu
(Recent Donor)DaveTurnerFR15718,1830353,11522 May 113 Jun 11Yes

Chapter Seven.


The Cellar.

Pitching the five pound tin of beans at the Horror, Kennedy watched as the monster caught it in its mouth and bit down. Beans and tomato sauce flew everywhere but didn’t appear to slow the creature down as it slid and writhed its way into the cellar. Looking around for another weapon, Kennedy flinched away from the blast of destructive magic that Willow directed at the creature.

The Hunting Horror roared in a mixture of pain and anger. It undulated in such away as to send its coils snaking into the room. The creature’s long tail flashed towards where Willow stood and knocked her off her feet making her break off her magical attack. Seeing its chance the Horror moved down the stairs at a frightening speed, pausing at the bottom it found itself under a barrage of tinned peas hurled at it by an angry slayer.

The tins thudded into the Horror’s head and body, again its tail slashed through the air this time aimed at Kennedy’s head. However, before it could make contact with its intended target the tail was knocked aside as if by an invisible hand. Seeing her chance, Kennedy threw one last tin of mixed vegetables, turned, stooped to help Willow back to her feet and then pushed her towards Sybil’s little temple.

“Come on!” cried Kennedy, “I think we’ve annoyed it!”

“Hold on!” Willow twisted herself free from Kennedy’s grasp; she looked at the monster and muttered some Latin under her breath. The room behind them rapidly filled up with thick smoke. “That’ll slow it down.”

Pushing Willow towards the temple-room, Kennedy noticed a large deep-freeze, “Go on,” she called giving Willow a last shove, “I’m right behind you.”

Opening the chest freezer, Kennedy searched its contents for what she was looking for, smiling she picked up a frozen object and held it in her hands like a baseball player would hold his bat. Just as the Horror stuck its head out of Willow’s magical fog bank, Kennedy swung her deep frozen leg of lamb; she hit the Horror a resounding *THWACK!* on the side of the head. The creature paused stunned and blinked its eyes in surprise. Again, Kennedy swung the lamb limb this time hitting the Horror under the chin. Its vile mouth snapped shut like a door slamming. Winding up for a third blow, Kennedy didn’t see the Horror’s tail slither around to snake between her legs.

With a cry, Kennedy found her legs knocked from under her, she felt the loathsome creature wrap her in its coils and lift her into the air so her head was almost touching the ceiling. Shaking the hair out of her eyes, she found her arms were being held firmly by her side, Kennedy stared directly into the Horror’s eyes. She smelt its fetid breath and saw the malevolent gleam in its eyes as it opened its mouth ready to bit her head clean off. In desperation she fought hard against the creature’s strength, just as she thought she was making some headway it snapped at her head its teeth coming together with a sound like garden sheers slicing through grass only inches from her face.

The Horror screamed in pain as another blast of purple magic hit its body. Kennedy felt the monster relax its grip for a moment, kicking out at the creature’s body, she flexed her arms at the same time. The Horror’s coils fell away from her and she found herself sprawled on the dirty concrete floor.

“Come on, honey!” Willow reached out and helped Kennedy to her feet.

Looking back at the creature, witch and slayer fled to Sybil’s room and slammed the door behind them.

“What do we do?” Gasped Willow as she pressed her back against the door, “This is one of those monsters that you know about isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Kennedy pushed herself away from the door and started to move what little furniture that was in the room against the door. “One good thing,” Kennedy paused in her furniture moving, “at least it’s not Quetzalcoatl!”

“Oh that’s alright then,” Willow magiced a heavy chest against the door, “how come I don’t know about these things?”

“Oh,” Kennedy looked around the room, there was nothing else to pile against the door, “it’s probably one of those New World, Old World things.”

“What the hell’s going on here?” demanded Fawlty who’d somehow freed himself from his restraints.

“Short version;” Willow turned to face the irate hotel owner, “your wife raised a monster from hell to kill you.” Turning to Kennedy she asked, “I don’t suppose you know how to kill it?”

“Hey!” Kennedy complained, “There’s no need to be sarcastic, I’m trying to remember.”

“Sorry baby,” Willow was instantly at Kennedy’s side.

“Look this is all very interesting,” Basil wiped at the dried blood on his face, “but what’s all this nonsense about monsters?”

“Look you’re wife called up some sort of monster to try and kill you,” Willow explained once more, “I really don’t think she likes you.”

“Right!” Basil started towards the door only to be brought up short as something big, strong and angry smashed against the it; the wood started to splinter, “Oh bloody hell!” Said Fawlty in a much quieter voice.

“That door’s not going to last long,” observed Kennedy looking around the room for a weapon of some kind.

“It was the kippers, wasn’t it?”

The two young women looked at Fawlty as he stared at the slowly disintegrating door.

“I said they were off,” Fawlty slowly backed away from the door, “but oh no! Sybil said they were fine and now we’re all hallucinating.”

“We’re not hallucinating,” Willow glanced nervously at the door, “this is really happening!”

“Oh that’s all right then isn’t it?” Fawlty glared at Willow, “If it’s real then we’re all going to die!”

“THE WINDOW!” Kennedy shouted and pointed at the same time.

“Of course,” Willow looked up at the small window set high in the wall.

Gesturing at the window, Willow caused the glass and the frame to vanish.

“How’d you do that?” Demanded Fawlty as he was hustled towards the window, “I mean you can’t go around just making people’s windows vanish.”

Floating up to the level of the window, Willow climbed out into the garden.

“What the hell’s going on!?” Demanded Fawlty as Kennedy picked him up and pushed him through the window.

Glancing over her shoulder as she pushed at Fawlty’s flailing feet, Kennedy saw the Horror’s head smash through the door, in a few seconds the creature would be in the room with her. Giving Fawlty a final push, she jumped up and grabbed hold of what remained of the window frame and hauled herself out into the night. As she pulled her legs clear of the window a solid looking steel shutter appeared in place closing off the window.

“That’ll hold it,” grinned Willow just as the Horror clanged off the shutter, “or maybe not.”

“Come on,” Kennedy dragged Fawlty to his feet, “lets get ‘round to the front of the building we better get everyone out.”

Nodding her agreement, Willow helped Kennedy pull Fawlty around to the front of the hotel.


“Looks like we didn’t need to worry about the other guests,” observed Willow wryly.

The other guests were running about on the lawn as Manuel tried to herd them together like a demented Spanish sheepdog and Polly attempted to call the emergency services.

“Mr Fawlty, Mr Fawlty!” she called on seeing him, “What’s going on? There was all this noise and the walls began to shake so I got everyone out.”

“Nothing to worry about, Polly,” Fawlty stood up straight and regarded his guests and staff with something approaching distain, “Sybil just tried to kill me by conjuring up some beast from the pit of hell.”

“WHAT!?” Screeched Polly in surprise.

“Luckily,” Fawlty glanced over his shoulder at Willow and Kennedy, “Sabrina the lesbian witch and her friend Supergirl where nearby and saved me.”

“Oh,” Polly sighed relieved, “that’s all right then.”


“So?” Willow asked expectantly, “Can you remember how to kill this thing?”

“No!” Kennedy screwed up her face with the effort of trying to remember long ago wet afternoons with her watcher.

“Um,” Willow glanced at the hotel anxiously as the sound of smashing glass reached her ears, “I totally don’t want to hurry you, but that thing’s gonna find its way out soon.”

“I know, I know,” Kennedy walked across the car park until she came to a pile of building bricks; she picked up a discarded shovel and weighed it experimentally in her hand.

“What y’gonna do with that?” Willow had a good idea but she thought she’d ask anyway.

“Well,” sighed Kennedy, “if I can’t remember what to do in time I can always beat it to death with a shovel!”

Turning to face the hotel, they saw the Hunting Horror burst from the front door in a shower of glass and wood shards. It reared back on itself as its head towered over the frightened guests. Silhouetted against the brightly lit hotel the Horror gazed down malignantly at the screaming people who cowered before it.

“Oh!” Gulped Willow as she clutched hold of Kennedy’s arm, “It looks bigger out in the open.”

Gawping in a mixture of fear and wonder, Kennedy looked up into the horrific creature’s malign visage and wondered how she’d ever expected to kill it with just a shovel. In one second she realised just what a sad excuse for a slayer she really was. No doubt Buffy would have a handy rocket launcher or something lying around to take the thing down. But not her, no; she’d carelessly forgotten to pack any tactical missiles and as a result they were all going to die. She could just imagine what her Watcher would be saying just now if he was still alive.

The roar of the Horror snapped Kennedy back to the present, gods she wished she had her watcher here to tell her what to do. Her eyes drifted from the swaying Horror to the hotel; there was something about the hotel, something she should be remembering. The Horror, struck and decapitated a guest just before being hit by a burst of magic from Willow’s hand. The monster screamed angrily and turned to confront the witch. Blinking her eyes against the flash of the magic Kennedy picked up her shovel and prepared to fight to the death.

Screw Buffy and her rocket launchers, she’d make do with what she had…and then it came to her. She remembered sitting cross legged on the floor in her short school skirt as her watcher lectured her (now she thought about it he must have been able to see right up her skirt from where he’d been sitting…the perv!). His voice droning on and on about how to kill various big bads.

“LIGHT!” cried Kennedy.

“WHAT!?” Willow paused before hurling another bolt of magic.

“Light!” Kennedy turned to Willow and grinned like a mad person, “It can be dispelled by bright light.”

“Okay,” Willow didn’t sound convinced but just about now she’d try anything.

There was a bright flash of light and the Horror screamed in pain. Blinking her eyes against the bright spots of coloured light that danced before her, Willow looked up at the monster. It didn’t look happy, in fact it looked slightly scorched, shrivelled even.

“BRIGHTER!” shouted Kennedy over the sound of approaching police sirens.

“Okay,” Willow muttered quietly, “you want ‘brighter’, how about THIS!?”


Having regained her sight, Kennedy watched as the firefighters played their hoses over the front of the hotel. She looked down at her scorched clothes and wondered if their things were alright in their room. Luckily her car had escaped damage so they’d be able to go home…once she’d stopped shaking that is.

“Honey?” Willow stumbled into Kennedy, “Is that you?”

“Yeah,” Kennedy put her arm around Willow’s shoulder.

“I ask coz I can only see big honkin’ balls of light bouncing across my eyeballs,” Willow moulded herself to her girlfriend’s side, “did we get it?”

“Oh yeah,” Kennedy hugged Willow a little closer, “you got it alright.”

“The hotel?” Willow blinked as she looked myopically into Kennedy’s face.

“They’re just putting out the last fires now,” Kennedy watched as the firefighters started to roll up their hoses, “the police are already talking about a gas explosion and the paramedics said everyone should get their sight back in a day or two.”

“Good,” Willow yawned as she snuggled up against Kennedy, “I’m beat, is there a bed somewhere?”

“Come on,” Kennedy started to guide Willow towards the hotel, “lets see if we can find you something.”


Two Days Later.

Packing away the last of their things, Kennedy looked around the slightly scorched remains of their hotel room and sighed. After two days living in a community centre, Kennedy for one was glad for the chance to get into the hotel and pack up their belongings. Surprisingly most of their stuff had survived the Hunting Horror and the following ‘gas explosion’. Now they could change into fresh clothes and pack everything up ready for the trip back home.

Mr Fawlty had been charged with several violations of various Health and Safety laws and would probably never be allowed to run a hotel again. Mrs Fawlty and her friend Audrey had mysteriously vanished in the confusion after the explosion. They’d have to remember to put out a warning to slayers worldwide to keep an eye out for the two women. They’d also have to contact the local slayer so she could keep a look out for any ‘Sea Devils’ trying to carry off young women.

“Everything packed?” Willow came out of the bathroom and put her and Kennedy’s toothbrushes in the case that lay on the bed.

“That was the last,” Kennedy gave the room a last look before closing the lid of the case.

“Not much of a vacation,” Willow said miserably, “in future I’m letting you chose where we go and where we stay.”

“Hey,” Kennedy folded her arms around Willow, “it wasn’t that bad, the topless sunbathing was fun…”

“Until we were attacked by sea monsters,” Willow pointed out.

“Yeah,” agreed Kennedy, “in future I chose where we go.”

Letting go of Willow, Kennedy picked up the suit case and led the way downstairs to the lobby.

“One good thing,” observed Willow as she past by the reception, “at least we don’t have to pay.”


Leaving the dust and smouldering ruins of Torquay in her rear-view mirror, Kennedy drove them out on to the motorway. Keeping the speed down to a steady seventy miles an hour she drove them towards London, after half an hour she glanced over to where Willow sat still wearing her sunglasses even though the day was quite cloudy.

“Eyes still hurting, Honey?” Kennedy asked sympathetically.

“Uh-huh,” Willow nodded her head, “just a little,” just at that moment she glanced out of her window and noticed a sign post. “Hey! This isn’t the way home!”

“No,” Kennedy shook her head and kept her eyes firmly on the road ahead; she was about to lie to Willow and she didn’t want her girl to see her face as she did it. “I’ve got to go to London, business for Daddy, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. What I’ve got to do won’t take long and we can stay in London for a few days, it’ll make up for all the monsters.”

“Oh,” Willow shrugged, “that’s okay,” her face broke into a wide grin as she thought of something. “Are we gonna stay at the Ritz again?” She asked eagerly, “I mean that would be so cool.”

“No,” Kennedy smiled as she heard Willow’s disappointed groan, “We’ll stay somewhere better…”

“Where?” Willow demanded excitedly, she couldn’t actually think of anywhere better than the Ritz.

“Daddy bought a penthouse apartment in Chelsea,” Kennedy announced nonchalantly, “he wants us to check it out.”

“Hey that sounds like fun,” Kennedy could hear the smile in Willow’s voice which eased her conscious a little; “is Chelsea ‘posh’?” Willow wanted to know.

“Oh I think so,” Kennedy smiled she liked making her girl happy; it made up for all the times she had to lie to her.

The End.

The End

You have reached the end of "The Torquay Frog Mystery.". This story is complete.

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking