Disclaimer: I own nothing. All Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters are the property of their original owners.
Author’s Note: This is IMPORTANT! If you haven’t already done so, then first
read my story ‘A Bet Is A Bet - Round One’ before you check out the narrative given below. You’ll be glad you did!
“HARRIS! KNOCK IT OFF!”
Leaping back from the doorbell he’d been leaning on, Xander Harris looked wildly around at the manicured grounds surrounding the front entrance of the stately mansion he was standing before. Nobody except himself was there, with no sign of whoever had just yelled at him in a very familiar voice. In the next instant, a very exasperated feminine sigh came from above, along with the equally annoyed statement, “Up here,
Tilting his head back, Xander gawked at where a teenage girl’s head was poking through an open window on the second floor of the enormous house that Cordelia Chase called her home. Continuing to glower down at her loathsome visitor, this young woman snapped, “Just shamble inside like you actually know how to walk upright! My parents are in Europe, and I gave the whole staff the day off to get them away from here, so the door’s unlocked. Go straight ahead to the main staircase and then turn right at the top and down the corridor. My door’s open, so get your butt in here to start paying off your bet by cleaning every inch of my bedroom!”
Grumbling in his utter resignation, Xander reached out to the ornate metal handle of the main door, only to stop short, as he now called to the withdrawing head upstairs, “Hey, does this mean I won’t even get a chance to take a peek at a real live butler like you have?”
Cordelia paused in stepping away from the high second story window, to have her head then move in an odd back-and-forth motion. A puzzled Xander quickly realized that his fellow high-school student had just shrugged her shoulders, with these and every other part of her body below her neck hidden by the window’s outside ornamentation.
The boy’s attention was brought back to Cordelia by her offhand response, “Perkins quit a few weeks ago, and we haven’t found a replacement for him yet. It seems he sold a tv show idea to the Fox network, and they ordered a full season’s worth of episodes, with him as head writer. From what our former butler said before he left, his concept involved a nun at her convent suddenly inheriting three circus chimpanzees. I’m sure when this series comes out that you’ll really enjoy watching your relatives hurling poop at each other on your cheap black and white set at home, but in the meantime, you’ve got a bet to pay off, so move it!
” After that last queenly command had been delivered in her ear-splitting screech, Cordelia stepped back completely out of sight into her bedroom.
Despite himself, Xander kept on sniggering all the way upstairs to the directed room. The young man was still in his sudden good mood when walking through the open doorway there, even though Cordelia was absolutely sure to start right away with some kind of awful torture to get back at him for making her clean his own bedroom a month before while having to wear a French Maid costume. Stopping a few steps inside the room, Xander looked around with evident interest at a girl’s luxurious bedroom that had to be at least the size of his whole house, especially when you added the closets and the other room there adjoining the bedroom with its own door ajar--
Walking out of her bathroom while continuing to brush her hair, Cordelia Chase strode directly towards her visitor, coming to a halt a few yards away to coolly eye this complete idiot standing there and gaping back at herself. Using her hairbrush as a pointer while waving it in the direction of the vacuum cleaner placed in front of her canopied bed and the box of cleaning supplies on the floor next to this electrical appliance, Queen C ordered in a no-nonsense tone, “Okay, Harris, start by vacuuming, and then get busy with the rest of what you need to spruce up the place. You’re doing my bathroom last of all-- HARRIS!”
Xander didn’t react at all to that last impatient bark, as he kept on disbelievingly ogling Cordelia glaring at a minion that was actually daring to refuse her orders! Okay, then, time for Mr. Harris to understand that either he demonstrated his absolute obedience like a good little underling, or the suffering would promptly commence.
With a swift sweep of her arm, Cordelia threw her hairbrush right at Xander’s head. It wasn’t a mere casual toss, but rather a powerful launch that might have caused real injury to Xander if this tool for styling hair had been solid metal or wood. Still, even though that plastic hairbrush was light enough to not cause any actual bloodshed, it had been thrown with enough force to bounce a couple of feet straight up into the air after making a direct hit in the middle of Xander’s forehead.
“OWWWW!” howled Xander, reeling back in agony while clapping both hands to the front of his skull, where he could already feel a good-sized lump rising from the skin there.
Frantically blinking away tears of pain, the young man then cringed at being savagely addressed by the top of her lungs from a furious girl: “Listen, you waste of oxygen, you do what you’re told, or you walk out of here right now and admit you’re a total welsher to everyone at Sunnydale High! And yes, that includes your weird little group hanging out at the school library -- the guy who must’ve been born in tweed, Miss Blonde No-Tits, and someone who doesn’t deserve her auburn hair and flawless skin! What I could’ve done with that-- Never mind! JUST GET BUSY!
After screaming those final words right into Xander’s shocked face, Cordelia whirled around to stalk over to her bedroom makeup table, plopping down in the antique chair placed before this furniture, to then grab a metal nail file and start working on her manicure, all while giving Xander a truly vicious scowl. Not daring to take his eyes away from the angry young woman, Xander shuffled sideways towards the vacuum, and after grasping the handle of this, he dragged that appliance over to the nearest wall outlet. Unwrapping the electrical cord from the machine, Xander then kept on fixedly staring at Cordelia grimly looking back from her seat while making powerful strokes on her fingertips with her deadly-looking nail file, which nearly caused the boy to electrocute himself by sticking his thumb instead of the plug into the outlet. Still maintaining his riveted gaze upon a simmering Cordelia, Xander fumblingly turned on the vacuum, and he started to push the rumbling machine across the carpet, while distractedly managing to ignore the numerous times he ran the vacuum over his feet.
Xander’s preoccupied mood continued throughout the next hour or so, as seen by an increasingly-exasperated Cordelia watching him botch up every single bit of cleaning he did in her bedroom. His sheer incompetence even impossibly increased further, when she tried to ignore him by doing her daily yoga practice on the thin pad she’d placed in the middle of the room, and then concentrating upon painting her toenails in the newest and most fashionable waterproof pink shade. Finally losing her patience, Cordelia scrambled off her bed where she’d been sitting crosslegged, to stalk over where Xander had frozen at her approach while being in the middle of thoroughly polishing with a rag her bathroom doorknob.
Grabbing Xander’s forearm, Cordelia yanked him into that ablution facility, announcing along the way into his startled face, “I’m not trusting you alone in here, not with all the glass and mirrors and perfume bottles in your ham-fisted grip when you clean those!”
Abruptly letting go of the boy, who stood totally motionless on the tiled floor, to gape at where Cordelia was now in the middle of the opulent bathroom, fists resting on her hips as she thoughtfully gazed at the nearest counter crowded with numerous small bottles placed there. Turning her back to Xander, which produced a loud and possibly thankful gulp from that teenage male, the young woman strode to stand in front of this flat surface, as she intently examined her perfume collection, to finally chose a specific bottle. Snatching this up, Cordelia whirled around and went back to Xander, who hadn’t moved an inch, except to become even wider-eyed, as his companion brought up into the ready position her container of fragrant (and very expensive) liquid. Horrifiedly understanding his supreme peril only at the very last moment, Xander closed his eyelids just in time.
During the next couple of seconds, Cordelia spritzed every bit of Xander’s exposed skin, from top to bottom, until she ran out of perfume, to then proudly regard a gasping boy trying to breathe through the choking scented fumes clinging to his entire body. Happily declaring, “Okay, now that there’s no risk of you stinking up my bathroom with hideous Harris sweat, get busy! Hmm…. As long as you’re working here, I might as well do something myself….”
Much later, with the tortures of the damned finally over for Xander Harris, this young man was gingerly making his way down the main staircase of the Chase mansion. Holding onto with his firmest grip to the left banister, Xander put his feet on the steps one by one, trying to ignore the unbearable feelings caused by the rubbing of his still-reeking clothing over a particularly sensitive portion of his body. At last coming to the foot of the staircase, Xander then shuffled to the front door, wearily opening this and stepping outside. Only to pause at the sound coming from behind of a mockingly-cleared throat, made by someone who’d gleefully watched all that he’d done during his slow-motion escape from the House of the Monster Cheerleader.
Xander gloomily turned around, to meet the sparkling eyes of Cordelia Chase under the white towel wrapped around her head, which was the only thing that this beautiful and otherwise stark-naked girl was wearing. Flipping over her shoulder the dangling end of the towel protecting her damp hair, an action that jiggled the pair of superb bare breasts that Cordelia had shown off to Xander from the very moment she’d first left her bathroom while wearing not a single stitch at the exact point this young man had entered her bedroom, the gorgeous high-school student again placed her fists upon her nude hips, and she smirked right at Xander.
Cordelia now stated to her defeated enemy in an absolutely confident voice, “Harris, you have my express permission to talk about everything that happened here today, to the whole school, if you like. However, you should keep in mind that if you’re indeed stupid enough to do this, there’s no way that anyone
will ever believe you, no matter what you say, so you might as well never mention this to another living soul.”
With those final words, Cordelia reached out with her right hand to grip the edge of the main door, as several drops of water fell from those fingers, all from her shower that had been brazenly carried out while a dazed Xander had finished cleaning up the girl’s bathroom. A bathe made by the young woman that seemed to have occurring during this a remarkable number of times when Cordelia had dropped the soap to the shower floor.
Giving Xander a truly evil grin, Cordelia now slammed shut the door in this young man’s face.
Standing there motionless for a few seconds, Xander finally glanced downwards, the top of his head brushing against the front of the door, only to wince at seeing how only a fraction of an inch separated the hard surface of this portal from the protruding crotch of his pants, where he’d been maintaining a three-hour boner.
Cautiously shuffling around to face the long walk home, Xander Harris bent forwards far enough to cradle his groin with the cupped palms of his hands, as a moaning teenager started his waddle away from the Chase mansion, all while having the worse case ever of blue balls in the entire history of mankind.