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Buffy Before Time

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This story is No. 1 in the series "Crack-R-Us". You may wish to read the series introduction first.

Summary: Complete crack fic in which Buffy makes a new friend.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > Land Before Time, TheDeesseFR71822281,2909 Jun 119 Jun 11Yes
Disclaimer: I only own my insanity. I don't own Buffy or Sara or the land before time.


Dedication: For Danielle, who saved this story forever. Thank you.



Buffy Before Time


“The vampire went through the portal. Willow has managed to track down the dimension he’s gone to but we don’t know anything about it. It’s not plotted in any of the books. Once you get there, you’re on your own for 24 hours. That should give you enough time to hunt down and stake the vampire. Willow will open another portal to bring you home. You must make absolutely certain you are at your arrival point at the appropriate time. It’s very….Buffy, are you listening to me?” Giles finally looked up from his book only to find Buffy doing an impressive walk the dog with Xander’s Shrek yo-yo.



Buffy flicked her wrist and called the yo-yo home. “Absolutely, Giles. Vampire, portal, 24 hours, same spot. Got it.”



Giles pinched the bridge of his nose. She was going to be the death of him. “Fine. I suggest you get ready. And the less contact you make with the locals the better, I should think. They might not know about the existence of the multiverse and we don’t want to alarm them.”



“I didn’t know about the existence of the multiverse and no one cared about alarming me.” Buffy muttered under her breath. “It’s just…’Hey Buffy..some lame vampire has another evil plot to end the world..why don’t you just jump off into the unknown and find him. Oh, and by the way, we don’t know anything at all about the dimension you’re hopping to. You don’t mind do you, dear?”



“I didn’t call you dear.” He looked up as Willow slammed the door behind her. “Did you get everything?”



Willow grinned. “All is present and accounted for. Just give me two seconds to set up the spell and call the portal.”



It took more like 15 minutes but when Willow was done there was a nice swirly blue and white portal with some not so comforting shards of purple lightening winging through it. Buffy swallowed. “Are you SURE that’s safe, Wills?”



“Safe has houses, Buff. Remember, 24 hours right were you enter.” She gave Buffy a quick hug and, noticing Buffy eying the portal warily, a not so light nudge into the portal. There was a loud crack and then the vortex shut down. She glanced over at Giles. “She’ll be fine.”



Giles whipped of his glasses and polished them on the bottom of his baggy sweater. “Of course she will. She’s the Slayer. What could possibly go wrong on a simple hunt and stake?”



Willow groaned and gave Giles THE LOOK. “You jinxed her….”



*******



Buffy hit the ground, landing on her butt with a loud “Oomf!” She glanced around and took a deep breath. You just didn’t find air that fresh in Sunnydale. She figured the smog in Sunnydale, unlike the pollution caused LA smog, was a direct result of the constant influx of vampire dust into the atmosphere. Standing up she noted that there were a lot of tropical plants here, some gorgeous flowers the likes of which she had never seen before, and she could just hear, at the very edged of her enhanced Slayer senses, running water.



She was about to start off, planning on following some footprints heading off to the left, when she heard someone approaching from the dense foliage to her right. There really wasn’t anywhere to hide handy so she settled for looking as innocent as she could. She stopped short of whistling “I’m a Little Teapot” by sheer strength of will alone. She could not, however, stop the hurried four steps back and open-mouthed gape when she saw her visitor. Nor could she stop the little “Eep!” that came out of her mouth when said visitor said “Hello. What kind are you?”



She snapped her jaw shut and swallowed every bit of saliva that had EVER been in her mouth and managed to grunt out “I’m…uh…Buffy…”



Looking for all the world like a baby triceratops, the new arrival giggled and said “I’m Sara. What kind are you?”



“Uh…what kind?”



“Are you a meat eater or a plant eater?”



Buffy envisioned herself looking much like the pancakes she had for breakfast if she even thought of saying meat eater. Being stepped on by a triceratops, even a baby triceratops, was definitely not of the good. “Plants…love those plants. Yummy, yummy plants.” She was going to kill Giles. She was going to rip Willow’s arms off and use them to beat Giles to death. They couldn’t have sent her to the World of Perpetual Wednesday. They couldn’t have sent her to the World Where Everyone Wore Green. They couldn’t even have sent her to the World Filled with Bald Dudes. Oh no….they had to send her to a world where dinosaurs talked. And giggled. She looked back over at Sara. And, apparently, didn’t care where they peed. Eww.

The End

You have reached the end of "Buffy Before Time". This story is complete.

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