She remembers the looks on their faces when she went back for Muller.
She doesn’t feel fear. She can’t remember ever feeling fear, even if that’s only as far back as waking up for the first time in the sleeper bunk. When she saw those blue lights for the first time, those cold, mercurial lights that stank of ozone and rot, her first reaction wasn’t confusion or escape. Rather, she looked down, and saw her hands using strips of broken safety straps to tie plates of jagged metal to her forearms, the edges angled out.
No, don’t, she remembers Nadia screaming, remembers Manh’s raised voice, and then she hit that group of mutants in a shower of blood and sheared flesh.
When she reached down to take Muller’s hand and pull him to his feet, her hand smeared his fingers with gore. Muller collapsed and threw up. He was crying and cursing in German.
She turned, then, to the others, to Bower and Manh and Nadia, and she saw the way they looked at her.
At the bodies at her feet, reduced to so much meat.
The accelerants, Nadia would say later, they did something to you. I don’t know. Maybe you’ve been awake longer than you think. Maybe—maybe the evolutionary process has gone further in you than in us. I…I don’t…
The expression on Bower’s face. On Manh’s.
She has no problem recalling how they looked at her. They looked at her the same way again when she killed Leland, and when she executed Gallo. When she cut that mutant infant's throat.
Manh got over it much sooner than Bower did. So did Nadia. So did Muller.
That bothers her.