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The Powers Screw Up...Again....

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Summary: The PTB, sick of Xander screwing up their plans, decide to get rid of him and dump him in a place they figure he won't do any ships yet...

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Marvel Universe > X-MenTAOFR181129,02452397120,44727 Jun 1113 Aug 12No

Let The Insanity Begin...

Disclaimer: Joss owns BTVS. X-Men owned by Marvel

Author's Notes: Okay, adding yet another crazy addition to this crazy fic. Not too happy with it...although, to be fair, I'm not fully awake at the moment. When I'm fully conscious tomorrow, I'll take a look at it and try to correct any major mistakes (or delete this chapter).

On another me a favor: don't even bother reading this. In fact, if possible, ignore all my stories. If you're going to be a pompous ass, don't even bother wasting your time here. I'm writing this stuff for fun and the last thing I need is a fandom snob like you a fandom snob and killing the fun. I'm just glad you stay away from the other site.



Even though it was only a few seconds, it almost seemed like an eternity for the first attacker to make his move. Xander could sense the man trying to creep up on him and couldn’t help feeling just a little insulted because it felt like the bastard was taking his sweet time, raising his rifle high to strike.

“Finally,” Xander said, suddenly stepping backwards and spinning, swinging his arm out to catch the other man in the throat before he could bring his rifle-butt down on Xander’s head. The surprised guard dropped his rifle, preferring to clutch at his now damaged trachea as he dropped to his knees. Xander caught the man’s assault rifle and dropped to the ground, rolling to avoid the bullets being fired at him.

Unfortunately, for Xander’s would-be attacker who was now kneeling on the ground gasping for air, some of his comrades’ bullets tore into his body, jerking him around like a rag-doll before he dropped to the ground. Xander rolled for a couple seconds before coming up to fire off a few shots of his own, nailing another of his attackers in the faceplate.

Two down, Xander thought as he scurried for cover behind some logs, four to go.

He waited for exactly two seconds before rolling out from behind his cover, laying down some suppressing fire. Three of his remaining attackers scattered, diving for cover, but the fourth one stood his ground and threw something in Xander’s direction.

Shit, Xander’s mind screamed, his body already reacting by diving out of the way, Grenade!

The shockwave from the explosion caught him and still tossed him several feet, but he managed roll with the impact, coming back up to fire a few more shots. He was still a little rattled by the explosion and his aim was off, hitting one of the men in the arm and causing them to cry out in pain as he spun and dropped to the ground, accidentally firing off a couple rounds from his rifle and shooting one of his fellow shoulders in the side of the head.

Okay, Xander thought, for once Murphy is on my side.

“Enough of this,” he heard one of the gunmen say as they pulled out a funky looking rifle that looked like something from the old Star Trek TV series. Before Xander could react, a flash of blue light erupted from the gun and hit him in the chest.

“FUUUUUUUCK!” he screamed as he felt like someone had just lit his insides on fire. He dropped to his hands and knees, but managed to keep from dropping completely to the ground. Though the pain still burned through his body, he could hear the two remaining men talking.

“Now that was interesting,” the soldier with the Sci-Fi gun said. “That was supposed to disintegrate him.”

“Who cares, Johann,” said the other one, “hit him again before he gets up!”

Xander tried to move out of the way and try to dodge, but he could only manage a half-stumble before he was hit again. He screamed again in pain…yes, it was agonizing, but he was starting to get pissed. Though his body was failing to respond to his commands and he collapsed to the ground, he was still very conscious and was thinking how he wanted to disembowel that fucker with the cheezy death ray and use said death ray on various parts of the man’s anatomy.

Now you speak my language, Hyena laughed in his mind. My turn?

Fine, Xander mentally sighed, let the slaughter begin.


Looking down at the battle on the beach from a nearby hilltop, Odin was doing his best at controlling his anger as he saw the weapon that was used to bring down his recently chosen champion. It was very tempting to interfere in this battle, especially since one of those mortal barbarians was using a weapon that was using energy siphoned off from the Tesseract. However, he managed to stay his hand.

No, he thought to himself, this is Alexander’s baptism of fire…I must see if he’s truly worthy as my champion here.

He closed his eye for a moment as he sensed another presence behind him. “You have no business here,” he said to the man who stepped out of the shadows. The other man stood taller than Odin and had reddish brown hair. There was a faint scar down the side of his face and his eyes were cobalt blue. His muscular build was evident and he didn’t seem phased by the fact that he was facing off against the ruler of Asgard.

“You got it all wrong, Asgardian,” the stranger said as he gave Odin a friendly grin. “I was curious as to why High-Father Odin, supreme rule of Asgard, would be bothered to come down here to check up on one displaced mortal.” He then paused as he looked down at the section of the beach where Odin’s “displaced mortal” took yet another shot from the Tesseract-based energy weapon. “Ouch,” he said as he watched young man convulse in agony. “That’s gotta’ hurt…shouldn’t he be ashes by now?”

“As I said, Olympian,” Odin said in warning, opening his eye. “This does not concern you.” He then half-turned to look at the man. “Besides, don’t you have some war or conflict to attend to?”

“Nah,” said the man as he reached into his leather jacket and pulled out a small flask. He pulled the stopper out of the top of it took a sip. “Good stuff…though I’m starting to run low. Might have to locate Bacchus and demand he replenish my stash.”

“Behold the mighty Ares,” Odin chuckled. “Trading his thirst for war in favor of getting drunk…say it isn’t so.”

“Shove it, old man,” Ares snapped. “Unlike you, I don’t spend my time way off in my realm periodically peering down randomly on the mortals. I actually spent my time down here among them, even when beings like us merely became the stuff of myth and legend.”

“And now you find that you are becoming worse than that,” Odin said. “You’re now becoming obsolete.”

“Careful,” Ares growled dangerously, a sword materializing in his hand. “Just because the mortals don’t need me, it doesn’t mean my abilities have diminished.”

“It was not meant as an insult, Ares.” Odin’s tone was not conciliatory or condescending as he spoke. “I was merely making an observation.”

“Damn you, old man,” Ares grumbled as the sword disappeared. “If it was your idiot Thunderer son telling me that, I’d cut his tongue out…but you’re right.” He stepped up next to Odin and looked back down at the beach. “The truth is, the damn mortals are doing just fine without me these days. I should have figured my days were numbered when they started their damn crusades.”

“I doubt you could cut his tongue out, Ares,” Odin laughed, “but I believe the mortals have an expression: ‘Get in line and wait your turn, pal’. Or something like that, I’m not sure. Thor already upset someone far more powerful than you and believe me when I say that what she had planned to do to him was far worse…especially since I believe she is capable of carrying that threat out.”

“Really?” Ares asked. “Anyone I know?”

“No, this was someone else and she arrived accompanying Death.”

“Death? You being cryptic, old man? A lot of us have used that title at some point.”

“No, Ares. I speak of she who is constant and will be at the End of All.”

Ares was about to laugh until he caught the serious look in the older god’s eye. “Oh,” he said when he realized WHO Odin was talking about. “That Death.”

Odin nodded. “Yes…that Death. Needless to say, when someone comes to you asking for a favor and Death herself is backing them…it is not wise to say no.” Then he smiled as he added, “I was also curious about the young man they wanted me to assist.”

Ares watched as the two Hydra guards picked up the unconscious young man and started to drag him to a waiting boat. “Well, you should start with the assisting part, shouldn’t you?”

Odin softly chuckled and shook his head. “No, Ares…things are about to become very interesting.”


Ugh…what the hell hit me, Xander thought.

“Why the hell isn’t this bastard ash by now?” he heard someone with a European accent ask. He was guessing they were German.

“How the hell should I know, Fritz?” The second man also had a German accent. “We captured him, we take him to Strucker, Stucker gives him to Zola, our mission is accomplished.”

Oh yeah, it’s coming back to me now. Xander kept his eyes closed as he felt the two men drag him through some shallow water before setting him down in a boat.

Now? The Hyena’s voice was very comical to Xander. She almost sounded like a little kid saying: “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”

Even though his eyes were closed, Xander could sense one of the Hydra soldiers sitting next to him. Go right ahead, he told Hyena. They fucking hurt us…time to hurt them back.


The Hydra soldier named Johann set the energy pistol down and checked the prisoner’s neck for a pulse. “Well, Fritz,” he said as he found a pulse, “this bastard is still alive.”

Suddenly the prisoner’s eye snapped open glowing an eerie yellow.

“What the-” was all Johann said as the prisoner’s hand suddenly plunged into his chest, shattering his rib cage and impaling his heart.

Fritz was just starting the boat when he happened to glance over at Johann and saw the prisoner sink a clawed hand into his fellow soldier’s chest. “Shit!” he screamed as he brought up his assault rifle and opened fire on the prisoner who started to get up. Unfortunately, for Fritz, the prisoner was using Johann as a shield against the gunfire. With an angry growl, the prisoner threw Johann’s body, knocking Fritz back against the throttle of the boat, causing it to lurch forward. Fritz managed to get Johann’s body off him and saw the prisoner holding on to the back of the boat with one hand and trying not to fall off. He brought his rifle up and grinned. “Well,” he said, “better a dead specimen than me.” That was when he saw the feral smile on the other man’s face as he brought his other hand up that was holding Johann’s energy pistol.

A split-second later, just as Fritz was trying to pull the trigger, there was a flash of blue light and Fritz’ now headless body dropped to the floor of the boat as Xander pulled himself back on board and clambered for the steering wheel. A couple seconds later, Xander had taken control of the boat. He looked over at the beach house where Emma and the others were and could see an ugly firefight breaking out. However, he could also see several boats burning and noticed a lot of dead bodies on the beach.

Well, it looks like Magneto and crew are okay on that end…should I head over there and help or should I-

“This is Strucker to team four, I want a situation report.”

Xander looked around when he heard the voice. It took him a couple seconds until he saw the CB radio next to the steering wheel.

“Team four, come in…this is Strucker. Fritz, do you have the prisoner?”

For a moment, Xander paused just long enough to enjoy the situation. He turned the boat around and looked over at the lone freighter off in the distance where the boats had come from. Then he grinned. Oh hell, this is too rich to pass up.

He picked up the CB transmitter and pushed the button on the side. “Attention, attention,” he said, doing his best Bruce Willis impression, “Fritz is dead…I repeat...Fritz is dead and you’re next, dickhead.”

The Hyena mentally whined and Xander could imagine her rolling her eyes in irritation, but he didn’t care. Instead he just gunned the engine and headed towards the freighter.


Back at the beach house, Erik and the others were just finishing off the last of the assault team when Azazel teleported back from checking up on Xander. Erik still couldn’t believe that these pathetic humans dared to attack him with weapons and wearing gear made of metal. Azazel had warned them of the attack minutes before it came and it was a slaughter. After they had taken down most of their attackers, Azazel had gone off to check on Xander. When he returned, he had a puzzled look on his face.

“Azazel?” Erik asked. “What’s wrong?”

Azazel shook his head. “Are you certain Alexander is not a mutant?”

“Quite,” Emma replied as she joined them. “Why are you asking?”

Instead of answering, Azazel reached out, grabbed both of them by the arm and teleported them over to where he had last seen Xander. Needless to say, Erik was impressed. “He may not be a mutant,” he said as he looked at the remains of the dead soldiers on the beach, “but I don’t think what did this was human.” He then looked over at Emma. “Can you get a lock and locate him?”

Emma was about to nod and do a scan until she heard a faint explosion from off in the distance. All three of them looked out at the water and saw a freighter burning off shore in the distance. “Call it a hunch,” she said, “but I think he’s out there.”

Azazel glanced at her, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “And vhat vas your first clue?”


Back on the bluff, Ares shook his head and chuckled. “Okay, old man,” he said. “I gotta’ admit, you certainly know how to pick ‘em.”

Odin chuckled as well. “Well, she did say he was…what was that term…a bit unorthodox in his methods.”

“Unorthodox,” Ares repeated, arching an eyebrow in curiosity. “Old man, that’s a gross understatement. Your pet mortal is insane.”

“Maybe so, Ares,” Odin replied, “but these are insane times…and insane times sometimes require insane measures.”
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