Neither Buffy the Vampire Slayer
nor The Song of the Lioness
or their associated settings and characters belong to me.Warnings:
Honestly, if Buffy's going to be a lady, who else can you honestly choose? She even comes by the title literally. While this is just a short story, anyone who wants a go at writing a longer one can do.
The Song of the Slayer
“Comic books are an accepted form of literature,” Xander argued. “That’s why they get called graphic novels.”
Buffy rolled her eyes as she passed him the clipboard Principal Snyder was making them sign. It was bad enough they had to go as ‘literary figures,’ but how was she supposed to make him believe a noblewoman costume was literary? Sure, there were the classics, but she barely did the class reading, and all those women seemed to be complete weaklings and morons.
Suddenly, she felt a little better about not being perfectly coifed.
, Harris, is not the same thing as books
,” Snyder sneered. “I don’t want to see Batman, Superman or any so-called super-villain on anyone but the mud-crawling ankle-biters you’ll be escorting this evening.” Ripping the clipboard from Willow’s hands, he stalked down the corridor, selecting another victim.
“God, he doesn’t even like little kids,” Willow complained.
“This is so not fair,” Buffy agreed. “I was gonna stay in and veg. The one night of the year things are supposed to be quiet for me.”
“Halloween, quiet?” Xander asked, surprised. “I figured it’d be a big old vamp scare-apalooza.”
“Nah,” Buffy replied as they headed into the student lounge. “Not according to Giles. He swears that tomorrow night is, like, dead for the undead.” She shook her head as she and Willow sat down. “They stay in.”
“Well, those vamps, gotta keep you guessing,” Xander quipped.
“So, with Batman and Superman out of the way, who’re you going as, Xand?” Buffy wanted to know.
Xander shrugged. “Dunno. But there’s gotta be someone who uses army fatigues, right?”
“From the army surplus. All I’ll need is the gear.”
“Not bad,” Buffy agreed as Xander slung his satchel down and headed towards the soda machine. “What about you, Wills?”
“I-I don’t know. I don’t have a lot of money, so it can’t be anything too fancy. Maybe I’ll get an idea at the costume shop.”
Buffy gave a nod. “I’m thinking maybe someone who’s not a screamer. I mean, now I think about it, those girls from Angel’s time were pretty and all, but they never did anything except look pretty and faint a lot, right?”
“I guess so. Who do you think?”
Buffy shrugged. “Guess I’ll see what I can find in the store too.”
She turned and saw Larry grab Xander by the shirt. It took barely two seconds to race over and grab his wrist, twisting it painfully behind him before slamming his head into the soda machine.
“Get gone,” she ordered, letting Larry go. He scrambled away. She looked down and saw a can. “Oo, diet.”
She wasn’t expecting Xander’s anger for her violation of the guy code. He stalked away, hands balled into fists, muttering about her help.
Buffy bit her lip and stared after him.
“Hey, Xander!” Willow greeted brightly when they saw him in Ethan’s Costume Shop. Willow was carrying a white ghost costume, intending to proclaim herself the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come. Not even pulling the Jane Austen card had convinced her to choose a non-ghosty costume. “What did you get?”
He lifted a Star Wars-style
“That’s not a character,” Buffy observed.
He glared at her and pointedly turned towards Willow. “It’ll go with my fatigues back home. All I need is a wig and a temporary tattoo.”
“And I’m one of the elite Rebellion fighter-pilots!” he proclaimed.
isn’t literature, Xander,” Willow pointed out.
“But there’s books. Lots of books. See Snyder argue with that,” Xander crowed, shaking the blaster in the air. “Besides, that’s less than five dollars!”
“Captain Pash Cracken at your service.”
“Look, Xander…” Buffy stopped as he pointed the blaster at her. “I’m… really sorry about this morning.”
“Do you mind, Buffy? I’m trying to repress.”
Okay, then I promise, from now on I’ll let you get pummelled,” she said, putting her chin on his shoulder and pouting. He looked down at her and rolled his eyes.
“Thank you.” Buffy smiled. “But, hey, y’know I think I could’ve taken him.”
Buffy’s smile became a grin. “Really?”
“Well…” Whatever Buffy’s response was, it died on her lips as she looked at a shield and a thought raced through her mind.
The thought being Oh, hell yes!
“Buffy?” Xander asked.
“Hey, Xand, guess what?”
“I think I’m going to become a woman who can beat all the bad guys.”
“Who’s that?” Willow asked her, frowning.
“Hey, Buffy,” Larry leered the following morning. He didn’t look good. Someone had given him a black eye and a bruise was blossoming across his jaw. “Fancy going out with me?”
Buffy stared at him. Did he really not remember what happened yesterday?
“Larry,” she began, “I’d just as soon as kiss a pig. Or is that what you’ve been doing? Because it looks like the pigs put up a fight.”
Larry growled and lunged at her. This time it wasn’t Buffy that stopped him, but Xander. A hand grabbed Larry’s wrist, using his momentum against him and whirling him around into the wall.
“Keep the aggression on the field, Larry, and out of school,” Xander spat. “I see you doing that to another girl, you’re gonna end up with bruises on your bruises.”
The three Scoobies walked away, all with slight smirks.
“Thanks, Buffy,” Xander commented as they ignored the new whispers.
“Think that’s enough to scrub away the reputation of a ‘sissy man’?” she asked.
“Oughta be. What was with the pig-kissing?”
“A little left over from my second-favourite redhead from last night,” Buffy explained. “I opened my mouth, but she spoke the words. Like the way you just took out Larry.”
Willow grinned at the two of them, and pushed open the library door.
“No Angel last night?” she asked.
Buffy shook her head. “Just as well. After what I did to Spike…”
was awesome,” Xander informed her.
“C’mon, Buff, live a little! Although it was more fun after you became yourself and started quipping. Medieval-you was short on that front.”
“Medieval-me also loved
California weather,” Buffy commented.
“Medieval-you, Buffy?” Gile enquired, appearing from his office. “Oh, this is reference to last night, is it not? Willow mentioned you had gone as some kind of woman knight?” Willow gave a nod.
“Yeah. Mom bought me the books when I was like fourteen, and I pretty much devoured them, not that I ever said so.”
“You read willingly?” Giles asked, with only half-mocking surprise.
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Duh. They’re about a girl who disguises herself as a boy to become a knight. What’s not to like?”
“Also she’s short,” Willow added.
“The heroine. Buffy empathises.”
“Hey, I am not
that short!” Buffy argued. Willow only raised an eyebrow. “God, I am so missing the Willow-babble. Giles, was she all silent and mysterious with you?”
“She spoke a few words so I recognised her. It seems that that particular character had a better appreciation of what had happened,” Giles replied. “So, are there any lasting repercussions from last night?”
“My fighting’s improved,” Xander replied. “I’m gonna hafta train to get in shape and maintain the skills, but s’all good. Well, that and I want in an airplane so bad it hurts. I think I might hafta join the Air Force.”
Giles raised a brow, but gave a nod.
“Oh, and I can swear in three fictional languages.”
Giles removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose before getting out his polishing cloth. “Willow?”
“I’m talking less. And I’m getting weird feelings around people, but nothing clear.”
“Well,” Giles began, returning his glasses to his face, “it would not surprise me if you were left with a touch of foresight. We ought to look into that. Miss Calendar might also be able to help. And you, Buffy?”
“Well, I have eight years’ training as a knight, eight years pretending to be a boy, and twelve years of fighting, marriage and childbirth in my head. Including birthing twins. Not
something I ever wanna experience for real,” she informed him. “I could probably outduel you now, Giles. All those are combined with my Slayer abilities. I did a bit of checking last night, and I seem to have integrated the fighting abilities already.”
“That sounds excellent,” Giles told her, looking genuinely pleased.
“Well, there’s one other thing,” Buffy told him, fingering a pendant that looked like a crystallised burnt coal at her neck.
She lifted up a hand that glowed with purple light. “I have this little something called the Gift.”Finis.
So, what do you think? I have no idea if anyone's done 'Buffy dressed as Alanna' before, but if they have, yay, I need to go and read them, if they haven't, hooray, I'm the first! Obviously this is Alanna closer to The Immortals
, but I liked the idea of Buffy having memories of childbirth in her head.
A few things not elaborated on are what 'awesome' thing Buffy did to Spike and who gave Larry his bruises. If anyone decides to pick the idea up for something longer, maybe they'll have a few ideas.
Let me know what you think - feedback is good for the soul.