Summary: Illyria is given an ironic punishment on behalf of Wolfram & Hart.
Disclaimer: I don’t own ‘Angel’ or ‘Barney & Friends’
Note: slight violent imagery
This takes place after the events of ‘Not Fade Away’ (5.22)
With a groan and an opening of bleary eyes, Illyria awoke. She was not quite sure of where she was. The last thing she could recall was being thrown into and through a wall of the Hyperion by a swipe of the dragon’s tail. Of the two half-breeds and Charles, nothing would emerge in her memory.
However, the biggest shock was when she looked down at her hands, only to discover they now looked as though they were made from some sort of thread. She remembered this from the Burkle’s memories: Angel returning to the Wolfram & Hart offices, looking and acting just like a false creature humans called a ‘muppet’.
It quickly became clear this was the punishment she would undergo on the orders of the Wolf, Ram, and Hart.
It infuriated her. She would not be made into a plaything for the children of muck! She would go against these so-called ‘Senior Partners’ and show them their true place, no matter what amount of time she would be presented in her new state of...dare they even think of her
, the God-king of the Primordium, in a helpless state! She...
A laugh which sounded like a bouncy ball interrupted her thought processes and churned the rage anew within her intestines. She looked up from her two foot tall stature to be greeted with the incredulous sight of a gigantic purple and green skinned lizard. “Good morning, Illyria. My name’s Barney!” the ‘dinosaur’ said, as Illyria channeled Fred’s memories once more. “Are you ready to be a part of our big and happy family?”
“I see nothing ‘happy’ about this situation, long extinct child of tar,” Illyria ground out through nonexistent teeth. “The Wolf, Ram, and Hart will pay for this unwanted degradation with the removal of their orifices, their limbs, and die as I alone remove and feast upon their insides.”
“That’s not nice, Bluebird. This is a place of joy and fun. The Senior Partners won’t appreciate you being mean...”
Even as he was speaking, Illyria saw no reason not to start the fight and chose, if she could not reach the Senior Partners at this moment, she’d settle for ripping this abomination’s arms off and beating it to death with them.
But she didn’t succeed. A shield erupted the second she placed her tiny hands on the dinosaur’s arm and sent her flying backward into a bulletin board.
“Anti-violence spells are the best, aren’t they?” Barney asked rhetorically.
Before Illyria could respond with a snarl, another dinosaur appeared at the doorway of the room, this one a yellow and white protoceratops. “She’s not being very cooperative, is she?”
Barney said cheerfully, “No, she’s not, B.J.! But she will be, trust me. The Senior Partners don’t want us to damage an Old One too much, and that goes both ways. Now, let’s get her out to the stage to meet the kiddies!”
“Yay!” the protoceratops yelled joyfully.
Illyria finally, and resignedly, decided she was in hell. The Senior Partners had definitely chosen a tortuous and yet also inane punishment. “I love you, you love me, we’re a great big family...”
As she was bombarded on the stage constantly by several more demonic puppets, the cameramen, and the crowd of insatiable human children embracing her diminutive form, the Old One in Winifred Burkle’s transformed puppet body inwardly grimaced and thought, ‘Soon.’