Hi readers just seen part 2 of HP - cried my eyes out. Sooo sad. I know I know I am still have many fanfics to finish but I just had to write this.
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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. They belong to their respective creator and I don’t make any profit at all
Searing pain. He was so tired, so so very tired.
“Look at me Harry”, as bright green emerald eyes met jet black. He let himself go. It was not his fight anymore, he had done all he could, given his last message to Harry. Finally it was at an end.
He drifted, the crippling soul agony dispersing.
Something tickled his nose, he sneezed. Eyes still firmly shut he wondered at this new sensation. He sneezed again and given into the sensation he opened his eyes. For a split second there seemed to be nothing but bright white light. But slowly his eyes focused and he started to make out shapes and then colours as the scene around him came together. It seemed familiar somehow and he knew he should be trying to work out where he was, but it all seemed to be too much effort. He was so tired, so very very tired. It seemed peaceful here, safe, sitting under a big oak tree, a small stream gurgling in the distance. He felt strangely comforted as though he had come home. He gazed into the distance in no hurry to move or to think, in fact to do anything. Time passed.
He glanced up and his heart stuttered. Eyes welled with years of pent up tears of recriminations, regret, guilt and unrequited love.
“Lily….”, he rasped “oh Merlin …. Lily.” He cowered away from her, huddling into the tree. His body wracked by sobs “Sorry , so sorry Lily I’m so soory please lily, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.”
A soft hand on his face gently trying to turn him, “Shushh Sevy, shhhh, its okay. Shhh. Please Sevy Look at me.”
“Nooooo I can’t, please don’t look at me, Sorry, so sorry.” He cried and sobbed, all the while, she stayed with him, a hand on his shoulder.
“Please Sevy, please look at me.”
He opened his eyes, and slowly turned to her. His face distraught with self hate and guilt. She was as beautiful as he remembered. Soft glossy hair cascading down her shoulders, and the most beautiful eyes in the world. And they weren’t looking at him with loathing or disgust or hate. They were full of love and understanding.
He shook his head, wanting to say everything, to unburden his soul, to beg forgiveness though there could be no forgiveness for the darkest stain on his soul.
“Shssss Sevy.” She smiled. That smile, the smile that he remembered from when he was 9 years old and such a lonely child. The smile that could brighten up his day, and make him feel that all was well with life. The smile that he had not seen turn his way for over twenty years. He choked, soul pain shuddering through his body.
“Oh Sevy, what are we going to do with you. I forgive you. I forgive you for being in love. I forgive your jealousy that led to making such a foolish but deadly mistake. I forgive you for being young and foolish, for being mislead by the wrong people. Sevy I forgive you.”
“Nooooo”, he howled “you can’t forgive me, I betrayed you, I killed you, I killed your husband, your son, your friends.”
“No Sevy, a psychopath named Voldemort killed me, killed my loved ones and those I held dear. You helped him in that one foolish act, that is true, but Sevy, Harry is not dead yet. My love for my son saved him, but your love for me has kept him alive and well.”
She sighed, and he felt her sit beside him, her head resting against his shoulder “Oh Sevy we have a lot of work ahead of us.” She shushed him when he went to speak a soft warm finger on his lips. Her hand reached for his, entwining her fingers around his stiff unresponsive ones. They sat together, and Snape slowly felt the fear, the panic the pain, the self disgust start to fade just a little. Time passed.
He was vaguely aware that at some point she left him. He wandered down to the river scuffing his feet at the banks. She was with him again, she spoke, he wept, she hugged him and offered comfort and solace. Time passed.
At some point he became aware that when he was no longer as he remembered and strangely Lily was changed too, no longer an adult she was as he first remembered her down to her purple trainers with butterflies on them. Looking down at his clothes, threadbare patches on black robes, scuffed and worn black shoes that had seen better days, he shugged, dismissing the fact he was back in his skinny sallow nine year old body.
“Come on Sevy, Race me back to the tree.” Her smile lit up her face as she tugged on his hand. Her face brimming with joy. He found he was grinning back and as one they raced to the tree, collapsing to the ground in laughter. He gazed into her eyes, his smile slowly disappearing, his eyes becoming shuttered and full of sadness. He gazed into the distance, vaguely aware that SHE was talking to him, hugging him. At some point she left, and then returned. Time passed.
He was pushing her on a swing that was tied to the tree, her squeals of laughter making his heart feel all funny. Vaguely he wondered about the swing that had just seemed to appear, but it didn’t seem to be important just now. Time passed.
They played and danced, time passed though no night came, the seasons never changed. It never rained and the sun was always the same. He never questioned it.
Sometimes when Lily came he was a man again, those times he wept and howled and she held his hand and cried with him. But more and more, he was as he was when he was a child and so was she. Time passed.
She told him stories, his head in her lap whilst she stroked his hair, he would listen as she would weave a tale out of nothing, telling small stories that seemed almost meaningless, but yet seemed to be part of a key to a puzzle. Sometimes he would remember the names, he would get angry and distraught. Those times she would hush him gently, rocking as she hugged him. Then race him down to the river where he would amaze her with silly magic tricks. Time passed.
Sometimes when she came she would just sit and they would talk of times gone by. Remembering small events from when they were children. They would talk, and when she left he felt he understood a small part of the picture that little bit more. Time passed.
“I’m dead.” It wasn’t a question.
“ Yes Sevy, Voldermort murdered you, but not before you gave Harry what he needed to know.”
He mulled this over. He knew he should ask whether Harry lived, was Voldermort defeated. It was important but he was still tired and there was the fear of what her answer would be. He grew quiet and pensive. She sighed softly beside him. Time passed.
“Is this heaven? Is this the end?”
She smiled, her face incandescent with joy. “Oh no Sevy there is so much more.”
“Can I see?”
“You can, whenever you want take my had and I will take you there?” She waited so patient.
“I think I will await here awhile longer.” He turned from her and stared at the river, he was still so tired. Time passed.
Her stories changed subtly, no longer were they of times gone by, now they featured events in the future. Harry becoming an Auror, Hermione breaking her arm riding behind Ron on a broom, Harry getting married to Ginny, Draco setting up a fund for muggle victims. Some were amusing, made his smile. Some filled him with a sweet sadness but there was less bitterness than there was before. He started to look forward to these stories. Time passed.
“Sevy, there are some people that want to see you.”
He hunched inwards “No, I don’t want to – maybe tomorrow.”
“Its time Sevy, please for me.”
His head jerked once. She brushed his hands out his eyes and gazed into his eyes. “It will be okay Sevy.”
They came together. Awkward and unsure he hid behind a tree. They were adults looking tall and confident. He felt gauche and inadequate. But as they walked towards him they changed until they were as young as him, they looked at each other, shoes scuffing.
“Hey first one down to the River gets a dunking.” The boy suddenly piped up and then was off jumping and cartwheeling down the hill, another boy raced after him, yelling as he went. He sneered, who wanted to be first and get wet. A chuckle had him glancing around, a small shy boy eyed him from beneath his bangs. “you worked that one out too, James never was the clever one, but race you for the hell of it.”
Glancing at the other boys decidedly short legs. He gave a smile that was pure Slytherin and raced down the hill, feeling the boys footsteps pounding behind him as they raced towards the river. They chased, ran and played. Never getting tired or bored. He remembered their names, strangely their names no longer caused the old feelings of resentment and bitterness to rise. Remus, Sirius and James. Sometimes there were others too. And it felt right another piece of puzzle clicking into place. But still the moments he most treasured were with HER. When she was with him he felt complete and at peace. Time passed.
“Sevy, its time now.” She smiled, her face luminous in tranquillity.
“No, don’t want to.” He sulked. Turning his back on her.
“Severous Snape – the half blood prince. The saviour of the saviour. The bravest man my son has ever known. It is time.”
He turned to her, and hesitated she was no longer a child, glancing down neither was he. He flinched, pain filling his centre.
“Sevy, I wish to give you a gift, a chance, a new chance a blank slate. But it has to be your decision.”
“I want to stay here with you.”
“Sevy I will always be with you, you will always carry some part of me with you. But it is time.”
Snape looked at his hands “I can still see the blood.” He whispered.
“I know Sevy, but it is time, you can move on from here, or you can take this gift.”
“Will you be there?”
“No Sevy, this is your path to take and your decision. It is time.”
“I only ever wanted you, only you. I love you.”
She stepped up to him, rising on tiptoes, her hands on either side of his face as she leaned up and kissed him, softly, sweetly.
It was heaven and agony in one go. Heaven, as this is what he dreamed of for so long and agony as he realised she was not for him. His love for her transcended old mortal longings, and for a small fraction of time he could almost comprehend everything.
“You understand now Severus.”
He nodded, he had a choice to make. He could go on and have that feeling of everything or he could accept her gift and have another chance.
“Severus, you made a mistake, and the result were horrific. But you tried so hard to put it right, and then you tortured yourself for years with what you had done, you sacrificed yourself any chance you could have taken for a normal life, to atone for that mistake. I forgave, we all forgive you, but you needed to forgive yourself. So much was taken from you and now that debt can be repayed by all of us.”
“Where will I go, what if its as bad as last time.” Despair filled him as old half forgotten memories filled him, of a father that disdained him, a careless mother, loneliness, despair, misery.
“No Sevy, this is my gift to you, I’m sending you where you will always be loved. To be part of family. Love, that is the power that Tom Riddle knew not.”
“Will I remember you?”
“No Severus, maybe at night when you sleep you may dream of me, but you won’t remember me or anything that was before. But part of me will always be with you”.
There were others around him, many many others. All there for him. Their love filled him with courage. And he finally nodded acceptance, he was not that snivelling insecure boy anymore, neither was he the sneering professor, so many masks. Maybe this time he could be himself.
Her smile, her eyes were the last thing he saw. He was falling, as he fell. Images, feelings came to him. He felt Lily’s forgiveness, her love, her pride in the man he had become. He felt James gratitude, his sorrow for his sufferings. Sirius he saw how he had been just as damaged and as alone as him. He knew everything, he knew how Harry had suffered as a child, how he had persevered how Severus had helped mould the man that finally defeated Voldermort. His mother her regret at her inadequacies. He saw how his life, his death had impacted on so many lives. He saw possible futures of where he did not exist, he saw how important he really was. Most of all he felt love, unconditional acceptance and forgiveness.
His soul healed and Albus Severus Potter, the second child of Harry and Ginny Potter was born 1st November 2005 at 9.30am. His wails of discontent could be heard throughout the hospital ward until his father lifted him into his arms and gazed into his newborn babies eyes.
Albus Severus Potter was the quietest of the Potter children, more studious and thoughtful than his older brother James. He could often be found reading quietly on the river bank, whilst his siblings frolicked in the air skimming the water with their hands as they zoomed by on their baby brooms. Cajoling him until finally with a whoop of joy, as he threw up his hands in disbelief at their antics and joined them.
He was his fathers son, when he had nightmares it was his father that would soothe him into sleep, his father that he would run to when he fell from his broom and skinned his knee. Like his namesake he enjoyed creation, but strangely his favourite formulations’ seemed to be of the eating variety. Things that made people smile and giggle. Chocolates that exploded in the mouth with a burst of caramel. Lollipops disguised as vegetables. Often the three children could be seen working together on one of his hair brained plans to invent something new. He was seen as the brains of the operation, James the brawn and Lily the heart. Together they were unstoppable.
On the 1st of September in the year of 2017, Albus Severus Potter raised the sorting hat with trembling hands.
“Oh my what have we here again. Albus Severus Potter it is my great privilege to be able to sort you.”
“Please not Slytherin.”
“Not Slytherin you say? A fine and cunning house the Slytherin is and you would do well there and I believe you would be of benefit to that house. A cunning and shrewd mind you have, and at least one of your names relates to a previous Slytherin Headmaster.”
“Not Slytherin not Slytherin, dad said you listen to what we want?”
“Ah Harry Potter, always said he would have done well in Slytherin. But Alas, where to put you. No no I quite agree Slytherin is not quite right, You are courageous and brave more than you will ever know. Grffyndor would suit you it is true. Where you give your loyalty you keep it forever, a Hufflepuff trait. But if I had to place you anywhere and if perhaps if I can think of maybe a sorting that was done badly, then my decision would be
Albus Severus lifted the hat off his head to cheers, relieved and happy he hurried over to his new house mates. The sorting felt right.
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The last film was amazing, but poor Severus a man of so many levels and complexities.
And even when I finished book 6 and started book 7 - I never lost faith in him - I always despite evidence to the contrary thought he was a good guy.