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I'd Say 'Bite Me,' But You Would

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Summary: Some of the Watchers Council members meet up with the Master of the City when a misdirected portal incident drops them into a different St. Louis.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Wesley-CenteredGreywizardFR1311,30515313,7407 Aug 117 Aug 11Yes
Disclaimer: The Scoobies all belong to Joss and ME, the Anita Blake people belong to Laurell K. Hamilton, Tina Armstrong belongs to Team Ninja and Tecmo and Abigail Whistler belongs to David S. Goyer and Marvel Enterprises, I think. Anyone else you think you recognize belongs to someone else who is not me. Deal with it. I have.

Category: Multi-crossover; with the primary setting the Anita Blake universe. Also a response to TTH Challenge 4842.

Time Frame: About four years after 'Chosen,' and some indefinite time after 'Burnt Offerings' for the Anita Blake crowd, although that timeline also goes AU immediately after meeting the Council crowd.

Spoilers: None intended, but if you don’t know what happened up to this point, why are you reading this story?

Character Bashing: None whatsoever.

Feedback: Of course!

Archiving: Talk to me first, please.

Author’s Note 1: This one is unbeta'd, as all of these submissions will be.

Author’s Note 2: As usual, “word” indicates speech, :: word :: indicates mental communication and { word } indicates a character's thoughts.

Author’s Note 3: This is story #6 for Challenge 6471: August Fic-A-Day 2011.


St. Louis, MO in some alternate dimension

"Excuse me, but could you repeat that again, please? I don’t believe I heard you correctly."

Violet Day paled and muttered a low-voiced "Oh shit!" and glanced over to see Abigail Whistler smirking as they both watched Wesley Wyndham-Pryce *very* politely respond to the request from the small, but incredibly gorgeous blond werewolf (well, he was, at least in Vi's opinion,) who had been introduced as the personal representative of the vampire who was apparently referred to by all of the general supernatural population around here as the 'Master of the City.'

"I said, Jean-Claude has indicated that he feels it only fair that, in return for him allowing your people to reside in his city while you determine the best way for your group to return to your proper home, you provide one of your group for him to use as a 'pomme de sang'," this Jason Schuyler repeated his boss's demand to the leader of the Watchers Council's currently dimensionally misplaced group – someone who Vi knew had been raised with a deep and abiding dislike of vampires.

{ Actually, } Vi mentally corrected herself, { the words hatred, loathing or abhorrence might be a much more accurate description of Wesley's feelings regarding bloodsuckers in general. }

"Yes, that's precisely what I thought you said," the dark-haired man with the rather prominent scar across his throat said as he shook his head while letting out a long sigh. "Sorry, but that's not going to happen. Ever."

"What?" Schuyler nearly yelped when he heard Wyndham-Pryce's reply. "What do you mean, that's not going to happen? Jen-Claude is giving you the option of picking which member of your group to offer him, instead of simply choosing one himself! Do you realize how extraordinary that is?"

"While I will quite readily admit that none of us know how things generally work around here, or whether this 'pomme de sang' thing you mentioned is the mystical equivalent of shaking hands, or kissing someone on the cheek, or whatever other metaphor one might prefer to use," Wesley replied patiently, "the fact of the matter is that I must tell you, I don't really care whether it is or not.

"There is absolutely no way that I will allow this Jean-Claude person of yours – or any other vampire, either here in town or anywhere else in this clearly godforsaken, politically correct world of yours, to utilize of any of my people as snack food," he declared in a firm and clearly unyielding tone of voice. "In our own world, any bloodsucking leech who attempted anything along those lines would end up as a very small pile of dust on the floor, and we are not about to change either our habits or our attitudes in order to suit your employer or anyone else here.

"Personally, I do not care in the least who it is that you or Jean-Claude or anyone else might believe him to be; if he or any other vampire here even appear as though they’re considering trying to get a taste of any of my people, there won't be enough of them let over, come sunrise, to fit in a matchbox, let alone consider burying," Wesley declared, making sure he locked gazes with the obviously shocked werewolf.

"While we might not be natives of this particular world, I do know that whoever he is, your Jean-Claude is not the ruler of this country, let alone this city, so he categorically does not have the right to tell us where we can and cannot go, or where we can or cannot stay, and we most certainly are *not* going to ask for his permission to enter what is a public city on American soil," the one-time rogue demon hunter continued with a glare while the other members of their group listened and watched with unconcealed wide smiles at the reaction of the Master of the City's representative.

"In point of fact, we have only ended up here because of some currently unidentified arcane foul-up, and we will be leaving as soon as we can figure out exactly what went wrong with our portal and how we can best rectify that problem in order to get home again," the scowling man told the dismayed, but fully attentive lycanthrope, "and we will do our best to refrain from interfering with any of your affairs while we do that. So, as long as your people do not interfere with our investigations and leave us alone, we won't have any problems.

"However, should anyone obstruct our efforts, or attempt to coerce any of my people in any way, I promise you that we will retaliate with all the force at our disposal," Wesley promised.

"Now, do we understand each other, or will I need to specify in even greater detail the consequences of trying to compel us to perform any sort of services for your employer?" he asked the wide-eyed and disbelieving emissary.

"Uh, no. There's no problem, man," Schuyler shook his head vigorously, after spending a moment a moment staring bemusedly at the rather – outspoken – leader of this group of mystically displaced visitors.

"I understand completely," the werewolf assured the other man. "And I'll tell Jean-Claude everything you said.

"Well, I guess I’ll be going now," Schuyler added after a quick look at the group of now-unsmiling young women and men who were casually sprawled around the room, then left as quickly as he could while trying not to look as though he were running out.

"I can see now, why Faith said you were the head of the Council negotiations team, Wes," Tina Armstrong commented with a wide grin as they heard the front door of the rental house they were currently staying in slam shut behind Schuyler, her remark eliciting laughter from the rest of the team.

"Enjoy the humor of the situation while you can, people," Wyndham-Pryce declared sardonically as he glanced around at his people, allowing a small smile to slide across his face as he looked at the experienced and knowledgeable expressions they all wore.

"They will undoubtedly wait a day or so, to determine whether we're serious about not offering anyone for them to feed on," the Council team's leader then went on, as everyone settled down and focused their attention on him, "and once they realize I was not attempting a bluff, then they will feel the need to attack us, in order to demonstrate to us exactly who possesses the greater power."

"So, how hard do we hit back, then, boss?" Vi asked the question that was on everyone's minds.

"We will do exactly what I told Jean-Claude's lackey we would do," Wesley replied. "Anyone who attacks us is simply looking for trouble, so that is exactly what we will show them.

"Should anyone who attacks us survive the experience, I want it to be because the Fates have smiled on them and desired their continued existence, not because you did not do your utmost to help them meet their forebears," he went on. "As I have heard Xander Harris say on more than one occasion, 'There is no such thing as overkill – there is only 'Open Fire,' and 'I need to reload.'

"I expect you to do your best to help any attackers learn about the possible existence of the afterlife first hand."


The End

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