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One Problem Less

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This story is No. 21 in the series "My Name Is Legion". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Reader, if you’re a guy, ask someone of the opposite gender if they know the advertising slogan that’s the title of this story. No. 21 of the My Name is Legion series. August Fic-A-Day 2011 entry.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
DC Universe > Legion of Superheroes(Current Donor)ManchesterFR1311,183011,42921 Aug 1121 Aug 11Yes
Disclaimer: I own nothing. All Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters and DC Comics characters are the property of their original owners.

Adam was not surprised at the odd event which had just taken place. Surprise was an emotion, one of many which the human/demon/robot combination no longer possessed. For the cyborg monster, there was only data, and the lack of this. The reason or cause for the sudden shimmer of white light that had appeared around the body of his opponent in the last several seconds was completely unknown to Adam, as were the further physical changes that next occurred to the entity termed Buffy Summers. Still, even though additional information was clearly necessary in order to completely understand what had occurred, this data could be gathered later, when he had eliminated this young female human once and for all.

Striding towards the crumpled form lying on the floor of the room in the Initiative complex where their battle was taking place, Adam transformed his right arm into the cyborg’s main weapon, a massive machine gun. Stopping a step from the small body curled up on herself in her colorful costume, Adam pointed the muzzle of his gun at a range of a few inches directly at the blonde hair covering a seemingly-fragile skull, and he fired off into this a full clip of depleted-uranium projectiles more than capable of penetrating tank armor.

A few seconds later, Adam looked down past the smoke and dust in the air from both his weapon’s discharge and the numerous ricochets that had just torn up the entire room and barely missed the cyborg himself. That latter identical action could not have possibly come to pass for Buffy Summers, yet despite actually seeing the rounds striking and then bouncing off the completely unharmed head of this girl, Adam could come to no proper conclusion about exactly why this had transpired. Unquestionably, more data was needed--

For the first time since she’d fallen to the floor, the body of Kara Zor-El stirred, now feeling really angry. It was bad enough how miserable she’d already been, but then that stupid robot jerk had to go and shoot off a big gun right next to her ear! Her mild headache also from the bullets hitting her head had instantly worn off, but she was damned sick and tired of that patched-up creature who dared this! Lifting her head up, Supergirl’s eyes opened to reveal the fires of Hell.

Two minutes later, after a truly impressive exhibition of superpowers which included plastering Adam all over the walls of their room, doing the same to the other hostile demons in the Initiative complex (but not Spike, alas, since that irritating demon had previously legged it), transporting the neutral and friendly demons back to their homes by superspeed, sending a savage e-mail to those authorities who should have been overseeing Maggie Walsh, slagging with her heat vision the computers containing this demented (and deceased) scientist’s work, and stealing every single piece of chocolate from all the candy stores in Sunnydale, Buffy was back in her familiar bed in the Revello Drive house. There, while curled up under the covers with a heating pad on her stomach for whatever good it might do, a slim hand reached out past the cotton sheets to snag an unwrapped Hershey’s bar from the immense pile of dark, sweet goodness around the young woman’s bed that rose nearly to the ceiling.

As crunching noises came from the bed, elsewhere in other places around Sunnydale, several people were trying to understand just what had happened. Lying in his own bed where he’d also been moved from the underground complex by Kara’s superspeed, Rupert Giles frowned in his sleep. Through their still-operating mental link, the Watcher demanded, *Buffy, what the devil was all that about? And why in heaven’s name are you feeling like that? I don’t remember you being injured in our battle with Adam!*

Willow’s slumbering face changed into a strange mixture of total exasperation combined with strong sympathy. Shifting slightly in her college dorm bed, the redhead sent out a quick defense, *Stop shouting at her, Giles! She just needs time to get over it, so leave her alone about something you and no other guy in the world have any kind of clue about! If you have to yell at somebody, start with Xan! Because, it’s all his fault, him and his stupid Chaos magic!*

A very bewildered Englishman then did what the grumpy Jewish girl had suggested, trying to contact the last of their company. *I didn’t know you could do that, manifesting someone else into a member of the Legion of Super-Heroes! Why didn’t you ever mention this, Xander?”

From where he’d been irritably dumped face down on his apartment bed (which would produce a very serious case of pillow-cheek in the morning), Xander defended himself, *It’s never happened before! How could I even predict that our link-up which put us all in Buffy’s body might cause my weird ability to carry over onto her? Not that it’s gonna keep her from kicking my ass afterwards, anyway, when she changes back from Kara…* As he trailed off in a mournful mental tone, the sleeping body of this young man dejectedly shivered at the utter doom that was about to befall him.

Now even further at a complete loss, Giles tried to contact Buffy herself still in a superheroine’s unfamiliar form, only to be instantly repelled by an immense wave of fury and loathing directed at the entire insensitive male gender. Hastily retreating on their mental plane, the Watcher then tried appealing to the only other person there who might have some hint as to this new mystery. *Willow, could you just please explain to me what’s going on?*

Inwardly sighing at the mature man’s absolute incomprehension, Willow at last deigned to enlighten him. *You do know that Buffy turned into Supergirl tonight, right?*

*Er…yes?* cautiously answered Giles, not really seeing where this was heading.

Feeling very much like she wanted a big, heavy rock in her hand to exasperatedly throw at him, Willow snapped to Giles, *With good reason, what Buffy’s going through hasn’t ever been mentioned in the comics! But, other than their superpowers, Kryptonians must have the same bodily functions as humans. Both the men and the women. Which happened tonight at exactly the worst time possible.*

It took a few more seconds before the penny at last dropped for Giles, who then mentally groaned, *Oh, dear Lord…*

*Yes,* Willow unkindly informed the mortified Briton. *Buffy’s having super-cramps.*

Author’s Note: The Kimberly-Clark corporation is an American company that was founded in 1872 and as a multi-national corporation, it continues to mainly market paper products of all kinds. One of its brands is Kotex, a feminine hygiene product line, which includes panty liners, sanitary napkins, and tampons. Kotex became well-known in the 1920s, when Kimberly-Clark placed adverts in Good Housekeeping magazine. This was the first time menstruation was even mentioned in any advertising campaign, however delicately. “One Problem Less” was used as the ad slogan during this period.

The End

You have reached the end of "One Problem Less". This story is complete.

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